Theatrical Review: Mortdecai

Date: Friday January 23 2015
Time: 2 pm
Location: Pocono Movieplex
Party: 3 (my mom, sister & I)

Director: David Koepp
Based on the novel "Don't Point that Thing at me" by Kyril Bonfiglioli
Type: Comedic Heist spoof

Cast:
Mortdecai- Johnny Depp
Johanna- Gwyneth Paltrow
Martland- Ewan McGregor
Jacques- Paul Bettany
Krampf-Jeff Goldblum
Georgina- Olivia Munn

Introduction and Trailers
The three of us were the only ones in the theater, but then it's not every day that the local theater has matiness on Fridays... rather strange, considering that movies come out on Fridays. I paid for the tickets, my sister paid for some Reese's Pieces... and we practically had the place to ourselves.

The two trailers were so-so.
The first was for Will Smith's new movie "Focus"... I can't even remember what it's about other than he's a bit of a gambler/player who hires a girl to get to someone he wants to steal from... I didn't even catch the name until we left the theater and saw it on one of the posters.

The second had me thinking about the sad state Adam Sandler's career has taken over the last five years... not that Will Ferrell does a lot of great movies in general... having Kevin Hart as his co-star might give "Get Hard" a boost. Supposedly, Will Ferrell plays a rich guy who is indicted and has jail time coming to him and Kevin Hart teaches him how to "survive on the inside"... why do I get the feeling he's not even going to spend jail time?

Story
Mortdecai is a rich snooty Brit who happens to be an expert in fine art. Occasionally, this allows him to be an asset to the local police. He lives with his wife, Johanna, who takes a strong stance against his new moustache, and his manservant, who takes a lot of accidental damage in the field of duty.
The plot revolves around finding a missing Goya painting.

Casting and Other Comments

This is probably the first time in a couple years I saw a movie before reading any of the reviews... somehow I get the feeling all of them will read the same after a while.

Based on the trailers, I figured this would be a decently funny movie. It's certainly in the vein of the "Pink Panther" movies. The question is whether it's better or worse than the Steve Martin versions of that brand...
I don't know what I came expecting, but the way they were selling soap for this movie... the fact Ellen said on her show that was ridiculously funny and asked how they could survive laughing between takes, I thought it'd be a LOL type of affair.
During the first half of the film, it was anything but that and I was very disappointed.

Johnny Depp is recognizable as this character about as much as his accent is well-done. In which case, it wasn't the best British accent I've ever heard. But I don't think that was the point.
The point was that he's supposed to be the protagonist yet I didn't really find him very interesting.
Gwyneth Paltrow lit up the screen as his wife and attempted to keep Mortdecai grounded as best she could...
The most interesting character was actually the manservant. Jacques suffers from a lot of accidental injuries. Heck, Mortdecai has him accidentally shot at least three times (once in a flashback that was obviously a jab at Dick Cheney's "hunting incident"). But like a good employee, Jacques does everything asked of him without question. He also has a very healthy sex life that leads to some good shenanigans.
And of course I found Ewan McGregor charming... I always find him charming. Even though he is trying to woo Johanna away from her husband (who is less than pleased with the moustache), he doesn't do it in an overbearing manner as to make him unlikable.

One could argue that Mortdecai had all the makings of a primary character. Some defined traits. Motivation. But I didn't feel like he was three-dimensional.
A lot of the other characters had the issue of not being three-dimensional... but the protagonist kinda needs that to succeed.

The editing can be jarring at times, particularly when they transition from city to city, showing the airplane travel over 3D renderings.

To their credit, the movie did get funnier when the action started coming in. The movie began with Mortdecai negotiating a price for a vase with some gangsters of Asian decent, something that goes terribly wrong. At one point, he gets kidnapped by another group of people interested in the Goya painting.
The realization that we were in Moscow, I felt like that flipped the switch and I became invested... between that and the realization that the Russian thugs were threatening to apply shock therapy to Mortdecai's nether-region... probably because they reminded me of two key interests of mine... a great chase scene followed where Mortdecai and his manservant (who somehow managed to follow his kidnappers all the way here) escape on a motorcycle and sidecar.

The movie did get progressively better, but there were still a lot of goofy moments that generated awkward laughter... like how two people who planned to steal the painting from Krampf's residence poured poison randomly over the shellfish platter... whoever wrote the line in the script "It's the shellfish!" should never work in this industry again.
To make up for that, partially, vomit did have practical use in the following chase scene... something I never thought I'd get to say because I usually am very anti-vomit when it comes to movies.

Another positive that came later on was a revelation about Johanna that got her more involved with the movie... making her more than just Mortdecai's wife who might leave him in his absence because of his moustache and the fact they're steeped in debt.

...as for the rating, I thought it was a little much. There was one f-bomb (the only profanity in the entire film). There was a very brief sex scene in a flashback with no nudity to really speak of, one scene where we hear sex noises in a hotel room, and multiple references to Jacques's sex life.
They could have easily gotten away with PG13 on this... I've expressed these concerns previously about G-rated movies. One lewd reference or moment of "peril" automatically garners a PG rating. By those rules, anything that isn't direct-to-DVD and/or based off a show for elementary kids will be PG... therefore the G-rated movie is as good as dead.

Grade: B+
(The first half was worth a B, the second half an A-)

I don't think I'd recommend spending money to see this. Although my mom and sister said they enjoyed themselves as well.
It saddens me to say this as a Johnny Depp fan, but based on recent choices he's made (by that, I mean "The Lone Ranger"... I actually liked "Dark Shadows"), I don't think I can put him in the same class as some other A-list actors... not anymore.

7. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

Code-name: Fag & NYer
(btw, this is not meant offensively. It's actual dialogue from the movie's gay private investigator
"This isn't good cop and bad cop. This is fag and New Yorker.")

Based on the novel "Bodies Are Where You Find Them" by Brett Halliday
Writer/Director: Shane Black

Type: film noir spoof dramedy

Cast:
Harry Lockhart (lead/narrator)- Robert Downey Jr.
Perry VanStryk "aka Gay Perry" (The Consultant)- Val Kilmer
Harmony Faith Lane (THE girl)- Michelle Monaghan
Harlan Dexter (The Movie Star)- Corbin Bernsen
Dabney Shaw ("He discovered me")- Larry Miller
Mr. Frying Pan- Dash Mihok
Mr. Fire ("I'm Mustard, baby")- Rockmond Dunbar
Girl in the pink wig- Shannyn Sossamon
[Honorable Mentions]
Young Harry Lockhart- Indio Downey [Robert's son]
Young Harmony- Ariel Winter [of "Modern Family" fame]
Laurence Fishburne as the voice of the Bear in the Generos commercials

Write-up:

"Origin" Story

The day I became a die-hard fangirl of Robert Downey Jr., I threw myself into research about him and his films. Based on accolades, characterization, storytelling and so on, I had a list of roughly 10 films I HAD to see.
Right behind "Chaplin" (which I saw the very next day), there was "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang."
I'm pretty sure what sold me on it was the scene they showed on his "Inside the Actor's Studio" appearance... search "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang audition scene" on YouTube

I wanted to see this movie so bad :P wherever I found it online a week later had obviously posted it illegally. [Ironically, I not found the DVD with no problem but HBO/Cinemax started playing it a couple years later]

Because I had seen it recently, I was immediately reminded of Andrew Dice Clay's film "The Adventures of Ford Farlaine"... it was another film-noir type spoof that happened to feature protagonist narration.
Had WB continued on with Johnny Knoxville in the lead role, KKBB could have become a carbon copy of that movie... instead, they played smart and went with a real actor with a considerable amount of talent for drama and comedy.It's highly unlikely I'll ever promote any other Downey film as much as this one [except come Oscar time]. Not only because it's an indie film that needs the exposure and word-of-mouth, but it was so funny, so unique and cutting-edge... it felt like one of the best movies I'd seen in a LONG time.
It has gotten a little traction as a possible sleeper/underground classic in recent years.
* Nostalgia Chick had it on her list of top 11 movies (also at #7).
http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/team-nchick/nostalgia-chick/35918-lindsays-top-eleven-favorite-movies-of-all-time-this-week
*When I bought the DVD at FYE, the cashier said how much he enjoyed it.

I'm just hoping Shane Black directing "Iron-Man 3" helped attract more viewers. Almost a decade later, Robert still believes only a dozen or so people saw this movie. :P

Narration, Characters and Story

First of all, the fact that Robert narrates this movie is one of my favorite highlights. He tells it like it is, but brings forth a great sense of humor when it's called for. Early on, he freezes the pictures a couple times, keeping us on our toes and often is good for laughs.

We begin with a flashback where it kinda helps to pay attention because, believe it or not, it features younger versions of our male and female leads.
This also happens to be the film debut [and so far only acting credit] of Robert's son, Indio.

Then our main story, which is being recalled, narratively, a year after it happened.
Harry Lockhart was a common thief from New York. He pulls a job that goes array, his partner gets killed and he stumbles into a film audition to escape the cops. [Helluv an audition too!!]. He impresses Dabney Shaw so much he gets flown to LA for a screen test.
Aspiring actress Harmony Faith Lane moved to LA to earn enough money to help get her sister into foster care away from their abusive father. Her biggest break was a spot on a Generos beer commercial.
Like a poor man's "Dos Equis"
"I prefer Genoros. But what do I know? I'm a bear. I suck the heads off fish."

After going out to LA, Harry gets assigned to P.I. Gay Perry (described as the "most butch gay detective") for detective lessons for this movie he's doing the screen test for.

During one of these "lessons," they accidentally stumble into a murder plot. The victim is the formerly estranged daughter of actor Harlan Dexter (who hosted the party where we meet our three main characters).

There's also a storyline involving Harmony's sister, Jenna and her apparent suicide. Because they were old friends, Harry agrees to help her with the case.
Supposedly, Harmony once told Jenna that their dad wasn't her father and that her real father was a movie star that came to their town to shoot a movie.

What ties it all together: Jonny Gossamer. *Harmony grew up on the books
*Harlan Dexter starred in the movie based on them (along with, as Gay Perry points out, Michael Beck from "Xanadu")
*Harry says at one point that in each book, this detective takes on two seemingly unrelated cases, but almost always, they're connected in some unexpected way.
=The movie winds up following this formula and we're all led to believe Jenna was directly involved in the murder plot that killed Veronica Dexter.
"And Hilarity Ensues..."

While "selling soap" for his movies, Robert also uses this phrase a lot. In the case of this movie, it is so true.

Sadly, some of it is at HIS expense.

On the Sherlock 2 commentary, he name-drops this movie and goes on to say since its release, people seem to love seeing him get his ass handed to him. An odd comment to make as someone who believes NO ONE saw this movie. It's also inaccurate. I freaking hate seeing him get beat up and/or tortured on screen.

We start with him trying to protect Harmony at the party, delivering some tough dialogue and the following scene immediately discredits him. Just so sad :P I know he can defend himself in real life [practitioner of Wing Chun kung fu]We get one really long, bad, day where his finger gets broken, stitched up, broken again by thugs, and ends with his first homicide (of one of said thugs).
What wound up happening with his finger after that... I was screaming at my computer and just short of dying of asphyxiation, I was laughing SO hard... I can't even give it away.Then there's the infamous [or would be if more people saw this movie] torture scene involving electrocution in a very *sensitive* place.
Probably the most method Robert would ever put into his acting [aside from living and breathing an iconic role like Chaplin or Sherlock], he had his then-fiancée Susan pinch his back near one of his floating ribs to elicit the appropriate "painful" reaction.

He and Michelle Monaghan have great chemistry in this (probably the reason why they were cast together again as a couple in "Due Date") and results in more great funny moments.
One involves a spider, which she claims he was more afraid of than she was. And it was crawling on her.
The same goes with him and Val Kilmer as well. I believe I heard somewhere that Val Kilmer decided to make his character gay so he'd have an excuse to kiss Robert. Not as good as the RDJudsie Sherlock/Watson bromance, but still good.

The dialogue overall is so witty in a very self-aware fashion. A lot of the clips can be found on YouTube, but I'd still suggest watching the whole movie.
One has the line "look up the word 'idiot' in the dictionary" and another "I want you to picture a bullet inside your head."
The Rest of the Main Cast 
Anyone who read my "Batman Forever" review would remember Val Kilmer was my favorite Batman... it had been several years since I'd seen him in anything, so to me, he didn't appear to age well. But gotta love his sense of humor in this character.
Because of an interview the two of them did where they were comparing "Weird Science" to "Real Genius," I had to see the latter because I hadn't heard of it before that.
Both kinda stretch the limits of believability, but I still opt for "Weird Science" because it seemed way too far fetched that whatever Val Kilmer and the other characters were up to got the interest of the U.S. military.

This was my first experience with Michelle Monaghan, who I later saw in "Due Date" and that unbelievable sci-fi film "Source Code"... I still haven't been as impressed with her as I was in this particular movie. Harmony Faith Lane has more than enough sass to keep up with both of these guys.

It was also an interesting experience seeing Corbin Bernsen in this role. Up until this point, I'd known him as Shawn Spencer's dad in the TV show "Psych." We see some younger footage of him that was segued into a fake Jonny Gossamer movie, but let's just say he plays a completely different kind of character in KKBB.
Additional Comments

Granted, Harry Lockhart isn't perfect, but he's still one of my favorite Downey characters. Taking out of the equation the dumbass moments of jealousy and drunkenness [we only hear of this incident 2nd hand], his attitude towards women was refreshing.
There's a moment where he's with the body, sees that she's not wearing underwear and discretely covers her up with her dress.
His attitude with Harmony (outside those 3 jerkish lapses) is also respectful and protective. Back when they were growing up, he was her best friend that always listened to her, but she didn't seem to want anything to do with him beside friendship. Since she never asked him out.
When they share a room for the night, he doesn't immediately crawl into bed with her until she invites him in. It doesn't lead to sex and he's okay with that. Even though she subtly offers to "help him out" when he appears uncomfortable being in bed with her, he talks her out of it unless she really wants to.

I credit the "Girl in the Pink Wig" with part of the reason why I wound up liking "Scott Pilgrim" (Ramona Flowers has pink hair when we first meet her). This character has a small role, still important to the plot and one of the more tragic deaths [2nd only to Jenna and the rest being bad guys] we have.

It's also another credit to why I had this "hostile" attitude towards Colin Farrell. In addition to the episode of "In the Land of Women," this movie carries another strike against him in the following line of dialogue from Gay Perry."Harry, you're not getting the part... Colin Farrell wants too much money."
Supposedly the only reason Harry was given the screen test was to convince Colin Farrell to lower his "price tag" to be in this new movie.
I'll still take Robert over Colin any day, but since seeing him in "In Bruges" and "Seven Psychopaths" (in both, he gets to KEEP his Irish accent), my hostility has lessened considerably.

For whatever reason, Shane Black seems to have a thing for Christmas movies... Lethal Weapon takes place around that time, so did the latest "Iron-Man" and this movie too.
I also found a hint of irony in the setting- it being Christmas with him being in LA, found him in "Less than Zero" in that same capacity with pretty depressing results.The opening credits are orchestrated with various illustrations, really well done.It also pays to stick through the credits because we get to hear him sing. He wrote "Broken" (track 2 of his album The Futurist) about his first wife, Deborah Falconer, but because of this movie, I always imagine Michelle Monaghan singing the female vocals. 

I have one final Downey film on this countdown that has a higher spot because it was my first movie of his. But KKBB has a great story with a lot of unexpected quirks, hilarious moments and twists. It also features some of his best acting. I wouldn't give it an Oscar necessarily, but he gives so much to this role and it really shows. Not in a big flashy blockbuster way, but in a bare-bones way with humanity and emotion in all the right capacities and places.
 

43. Spaceballs (1987)

Code-name: Yogurt
"Yogurt, Yogurt, I hate yogurt! Even with strawberries!"

Writer/Producer/Director: Mel Brooks
Type: Comedy spoof, Sci-fi
Music: John Morris

Cast:
(In Order of Appearance)
Dark Helmet- Rick Moranis
Colonel Sanders- George Wyner
Princess Vespa- Daphne Zuniga
Dot-Matrix (voice)- Joan Rivers
King Roland- Dick Von Patten
President Skroob- Mel Brooks
Lone-Star- Bill Pullman
Barf- John Candy
Pizza the Hutt- Dom DeLuise
Michael Winslow as himself
Yogurt- Mel Brooks

Write-up:

After spoofing westerns with "Blazing Saddles," Frankenstein films with "Young Frankenstein," and historical epics with "History of the World- Part 1," Mel Brooks decided to take it upon himself in the late 80's to spoof the next big thing in movies: "Star Wars."

I caught part of the AFI roast for Mel Brooks last year and George Lucas did an intro into this movie, describing his world of "Stars Wars" and capped it off by turning to the camera to say: "...and this is what Mel Brooks did to it."

In a nutshell, that's what the movie is.

[Plot]

The Spaceballs, led by Dark Helmet (a shorter, somewhat goofy version of Darth Vadar) and Colonel Sanders, have a devious plan to take the supply of fresh air from the peaceful planet of Druidia. This involves capturing Princess Vespa and holding her for ransom until King Roland relents.
Their timing for this plan seems to be perfect since she decided at the last second to run away from her wedding to the dull & boring Prince Valium. Her droid maid-of-honor Dot-Matrix reluctantly comes along.

As Spaceball One threatens to abduct Princess Vespa's ship, King Roland contacts Lone-Star and his mawg (half-man, half-dog) co-pilot, Barf, offering them payment for the return of the Princess.
They agree because they owe a million Space-bucks to notorious gangster, Pizza the Hutt.

Lone-Star and Princess Vespa begin their journey back butting heads, but grow to like each other as time goes on. They crash land on a desert planet (like Tatooine) and meet with Yogurt, the keeper of the Schwartz. Lone-Star gets only a couple lessons about the Schwartz by the time Dark Helmet captures the Princess... resulting in a rescue mission, a final light saber-esque showdown, defeating the bad guys and our crazy couple end up happily ever after.

[Hilarity Ensues]

Before I paid attention to writers and directors, I knew Mel Brooks as a comedic genius. He makes various genres approachable, balancing homage with social commentary and pop culture references. And when he's acting, he likes to play multiple characters and usually comes the closest to breaking the 4th wall of all the characters in his films.

It doesn't matter if President Skroob is the leader of Planet Spaceball, he's still a goof and a bit of an idiot. Who else would have 12345 as the combination on his luggage?
I especially love the comment during the villain comeuppance sequence.
"I can't make decisions! I'm the president!"

Yogurt is more like the movie's embodiment of Mel Brooks than Yoda. His business on his desert planet is merchandising "where the real money from the movie is made." Everything from Spaceballs the Lunchbox to Spaceballs the Flame-thrower.
(Ironically, George Lucas's one stipulation for this movie's creation is that none of these products are actually made to expand the Spaceballs brand outside of the movie).
And of course, we have the classic Mel Brooks utterance of a fake sequel:
"God willing we all met again in 'SpaceBalls 2- The Search for More Money.'"

Like with a lot of my favorite comedies, the hilarious lines can come at any time and take on a number of forms.
The first line sets the perfect tone. After 3 minutes of Spaceball One going across the screen, Dark Helmet approaches the camera and removes his helmet to reveal Rick Moranis underneath.
"I can't breathe in this thing!" so he goes back and forth between speaking with the helmet on and with it off.

What's even funnier is that the villains are sometimes more interesting and hilarious than our heroes, which is mostly Lone-Star and Princess Vespa butting heads.
Michael Winslow (of "Police Academy" fame) makes a cameo as a Radar Technician who makes all the sound effects for the jammed radar... and of course, it's literal jam and Dark Helmet knows that only Lone-Star would dare "give him the raspberry[ jam]."
There's a scene where Dark Helmet is playing with Spaceballs action figures where he ends up making out with the princess and Colonel Sanders walks in on him.

Probably the best part is when Lone-Star and Dark Helmet meet and his introduction is this:

"There's something you don't know about us, Lone-Star. I am your father's, brother's, nephew's, cousin's former roommate."
"What does that make us?"
"Absolutely nothing. Which is what you're about to become."

I don't remember exactly when or how I came across this movie, but it was something my aunt/godmother and her family loved and it transferred to us. Every time it comes on, my sister and I get a good kick out of it... another one of those "line-for-line" movies where we could almost put it on mute and fill in the words ourselves... almost.

64. Zombieland (2009)

Code-name: survival guide

Director: Ruben Fleischer
Type: comedy, spoof, zombie apocalypse

Cast:
Columbus- Jesse Eisenberg
Tallahassee- Woody Harrelson
Wichita- Emma Stone
Little Rock- Abigail Breslin
Bill Murray as himself

[Program Notes]

I felt bad that my "Inception" discussion wasn't as good as it could have been, so I decided I'd do two reviews this week... both are of movies that allow me to nerd out like nobody's business.
Both also happen to feature nerdy young actors who get thrown together in the same conversation because they happen to do the same types of movies.

...except Michael Cera wasn't nominated for an Oscar... on that alone, I pretty much spoiled my next review :-P but I don't really care.

How I Arrived

This movie wasn't based on a novel (graphic or otherwise), but written by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick.
One of the messageboards on IMDB labels is as "America's answer to 'Shaun of the Death'.."
I saw half of that movie and one of these days, just for the heck of it, I'll see the rest. Most likely this upcoming Halloween, seeing as that was the other time I tuned in.

I was attracted to this movie for a number of reasons and ultimately its contents were what brought me back for the future engagements.
Only 2-3 times in total, so bear with me if my memory isn't great.

First of all, it sounded like something I could get into due to the sheer fact I am NOT a fan of the horror genre. I don't like gore or anything likely to keep me up at night.
My biggest weak spot on those grounds are psychological thrillers that involve possession.
That's right: I didn't sleep after seeing "The Exorcist" but it took me 2-3 hours to fall asleep after seeing "Nightmare on Elm Street".

"Zombieland" was a clever premise in my view because they spoofed the genre, but not to the point where it was super goofy, therefore unwatchable.
If I see a legit zombie movie, I have my eyes on the original "Dawn of the Dead" because it takes places in the mall... in the daytime. (In other words, I have no notions about seeing "Night of the Living Dead"...

Second of all, I liked Jesse Eisenberg. I saw him a couple of times previous.
"The Emperor's Club" is a great "inspirational teacher" story, but it came out long before his name stuck with me.
Then there was "Adventureland"... these two movies end with "land" by pure coincidence and happen to star Jesse Eisenberg.
Sure, he's a bit of a jerk in "The Social Network," but he has this awkward sort of charisma that I can't get enough of.
I guess you could say I'd consider him my type, if my taste at that particular time was for nerds.

Thirdly, I watched it (and rewatched it) in parts thanks to Emma Stone. A couple years ago, when she'd just become my new favorite young actress, I was seeing her in nearly everything.... like "Superbad" and "Crazy, Stupid, Love" (although it was a dual effort between her and Steve Carrel to pique my interest).

Why I Stuck Around

NERD ALERT!

This is where I'll start to nerd-out... just a little bit.

and as always- spoilers are afoot so tread lightly

I love it when I start watching a movie and within seconds, I know for a fact I'm going to love it and come back for multiple helpings.
Up front, I thought to myself how much I loved the post-production department in this movie. This goes hand-in-hand with my favorite feature in the movie:

Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) is the type of guy who I describe as a shut-in suffering from pantophobia... the fear of everything (credit goes to Charlie Brown Christmas Special for teaching me that at such a young age :-P).
Then again, he does live in a post-apocalyptic world dominated by zombies, so who wouldn't be? (Well, I can think of one person, but he comes in a paragraph or two).
He is so uptight and freaked out that he developed his own rulebook.

I haven't read the best selling "Zombie Survival Guide" that predates this movie by quite a few years, but this was coolest thing since the idea for that book's creation.

The exposition transpiring through the first 2 minutes of the movie is nothing but Columbus's rules.
(Not all the rules are listed in the movie, and some are out of order, although rumor has it several promotional videos were released by Jesse Eisenberg and Woody Harrelson on YouTube)

1) Cardio
- you gotta be able to outrun zombies in order to survive (yes, these ARE fast zombies)

2) Double-tap
-my personal favorite, which I quote all the time in random movies
-ALWAYS double-tap, when you deal a deadly blow to the head of zombie, hit him twice to make sure he stays that way

3) Beware of bathrooms
-they show how one dude died in there because he didn't check all the stalls and lock the door

4) Seatbelts
-it goes without saying, really

7) Travel light
-live your life out of a suitcase, more or less

17) Don't be a hero
-as much as Columbus is into Wichita, he doesn't want to violate this rule because it might compromise the need to stay alive
-by the end, it is changed to "be a hero"... can't do much else when you forgo your own safety for the sake of young love. Thankfully, nobody dies in this movie but zombies

18) Limber
-the same as cardio, but Columbus uses a break in the action to stretch
- LOVE how the words "Limber Up" are jumping back and forth on screen

31) Check the back seats
- this was added at the end of the exposition
-you never know who might be lurking in a vacant car

32) Enjoy the little things-Tallahassee brings this up, probably after he reminiscing about his love for twinkies (more on that in a bit)

I don't just love the fact that the rules actually appear on screen, but the fact they come every time :-P
Little nerdtastic touches like that make my movie-watching experiences all the more enjoyable.

Once again, Woody Harrelson steals the show for me.
Definitely one of best unexpected pleasures I'd experienced over the past couple years.
He is SUCH a bad-ass in this, almost to the point where I'm tempted to use his performance to rate all bad-ass-ness in film.
He always carries plenty of ammo and isn't shy about using it. Sure, sometimes he takes it a little too far and you think he's a little demented because he enjoys it so much... but that's part of the deal.
As much as his love of Twinkies.

C'mon, I dare anyone who saw this movie to tell me they weren't thinking about this movie when Hostess went out of business.
Because it was the first time to come to my mind when it happened.
Now people like Tallahassee can rejoice because Twinkies are back in full force... although I'll admit, they do taste a little different. Maybe he'd throw a fit all the same because something tastes a little off nowadays with the Twinkies.

Probably the funniest scene is where the two of them find an overturned Hostess truck full of nothing but Sno-balls.
I remember my dad joining us for the second watch, and he said "ew" during the Sno-Balls scene... apparently they frequented his home during his childhood, no matter how much he disliked them.
Yep, getting the last box of Twinkies was his ultimate goal... kinda like Harold and Kumar with White Castle, except this was more of a side-quest.

The main objective of Zombieland is to stay alive.
Supposedly the disease generated when someone ate a burger made from a mad-cow-disease suffering cow and it escalated from there.

As much as I love Emma Stone, I found her a little abrasive during the first 15-20 minutes of her screen time.
She and her sister are together, but they operate like outlaws.
When they meet, she's saying how her sister has been infected by the disease and asks them to help "put her down." Then she changes her mind, saying she'll take care of it. Columbus hands her the gun... and they turn it on them and take everything they have, including their kick-ass Hummer.

The Hummer came from another great scene where Tallahassee says "Thank God for Rednecks"... the car was abandoned with tons of guns and ammo in the backseat.

The next couple times they meet, the girls outsmart the guys and take everything they have.
By which point, I'm like "for the love of God, just work together already!!"
It was frustrating as hell, man.
Luckily, my wish was granted, but it took longer than it should have.

After the foursome officially join forces (although their trust remains displaced for quite some time), their goal is to see Pacific Playground, a theme park said to be zombie-free.

Hilary ensues along the way as they have to fight their way through zombies to get to the park... of course, it isn't entirely zombie-free, so there's one last huge battle.

Best of all, Tallahassee gets to enjoy his Twinkies :w00t:

Final Mentions

In my first review of this, I actually made a comment that Jesse Eisenberg's character "looked like something written with Michael Cera in mind" and "the similarities were glaringly obvious and I've found no reason to put the two actors together in a thought before"

Interestingly, I made a comment recently that I know there's a distinct difference between the two. They don't always do the same types of movies, although the Michael Cera movie I have coming later this week is pretty darn close to this... if not more awesome.

Of course I can't finish this off without bringing Bill Murray into the mix...
while the foursome is out in Hollywood, they grab a star map and stop by Bill Murray's mansion.
I was just as shocked as Tallahassee when Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) said she didn't know who he was. They ended up going to a screening of Ghostbusters in the movie room, At least they started to.

The coolest thing was Bill Murray had the perfect survival plan... he did his own make-up and acting to blend in with the zombies so he wouldn't get eaten...
but the suckiest thing was he got killed... all because Tallahassee wanted to play a prank on Columbus

DUDE, don't scare a guy who's aimed!!
like, seriously... that was even more cringe-worthy than Emma Stone's earlier screen time... stuff that could be avoided if you don't neglect the obvious

Kinda like that AT&T commercial:



Girl: I'd rather be a slow turtle... I know why... because if you're slow, you don't get into the street as fast and get ran over
AT&T guy: but if you're in the middle of the street and you're slow, what happens? Austin?
Austin: :facepalm:
AT&t guy: exactly

# 90: Fanboys (2009)

 


Code-name: Lucas Spoof

Director: Kyle Newman
Type: Sci-fi/Comedy

Cast:
Windows- Jay Baruchel
Eric- Sam Huntington
Linus- Christopher Marquette
Hutch- Dan Fogler
Zoe- Kristen Bell
Trekkie/Roach- Seth Rogen

Cameos include:
Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams, William Shatner, Jay (Jason Mewes) & Silent Bob (Kevin Smith)

Write-up: 

(beware of ample spoilers, both of this movie and the Star Wars films in general)

Also, if you happen to be a fanboy yourself, feel free to leave a comment, whether it's professing your love of this movie, the franchise it's promoting or what have you.

Not is this movie a guilty pleasure (of which I feel ZERO guilt for loving), but it's also a hidden gem. We came across it randomly on a ShowTime channel a couple of years ago and being huge Star Wars fans in my house, we just couldn't look away. The characters knew their stuff inside and out, fit all the memorable quotes into their dialogue and you really saw the love there. The director in the DVD extras did call this movie a "love letter" to the Star Wars franchise.
It also happens to be one of many fanatical obsessions my mom & I have in common, something occasionally shared by a couple of my aunts. 

In order to fully appreciate and reap the benefits of enjoyment, I'd solely recommend this movie to Star Wars fans and those who just go crazy for all these nerd.
That being said, I wouldn't necessarily recommend it to Trekkies because there's an extreme bias against them... for Trekkies who loathe Star Wars, there is an extreme likelihood they will take offense.

As for myself, my only experience with Star Trek is the 2009 film and I'm open to an education on the franchise. But I'm definitely for Star Wars through and through.
My story about why I'm a Star Wars fan... that's best saved for another time. But I doubt you'll find another group of guys with this degree of craziness.

They are nerds in every sense of the word, all the stereotypes intact. Their very lives revolve around these movies. Windows owns a comic book store. While it's not well highlighted, Linus has dozens of collectibles, including Pez dispensers, in his room. Hutch still lives in his mom's garage (sorry, it's a "carriage house," as he reiterates throughout the movie) that has comics and posters plastered all over the walls. He also owns a van with a movie poster decal on it with an R2 unit on the roof and it's, get this, complete with Light Speed.

...Well, it has turbo boosters on it, but it's not recommended if you're trying to escape the cops trying to pull you over for speeding.

They generally lack experience with the opposite sex with the exception of their friend Zoe, who we quickly learn has a thing for Windows. Meanwhile, he's recently become preoccupied by his online soulmate "Rouge Leader" who describes herself as a cross between Sarah Michelle Geller and Janeane Garofalo... blissfully unaware of Zoe wanting him more than a friend.

Then there's Eric, who is the only one who tried to leave his fanboy ways behind in an attempt to "grow up." But as we see throughout this movie, nobody ever truly stops being a fanboy.

So, what would be the ultimate for a group of Star Wars fans to make a great movie? 
A road trip to Skywalker Ranch!

It isn't just for the sake of doing a road trip and it isn't just because these guys are dying to see "Episode I: The Phantom Menace." (The movie is set in 1998, six months before the movie comes out).
Now that I think about it, I feel kinda bad for putting it like that because one of the characters is actually dying. Supposedly Linus has cancer, they'd tried everything to treat it, but nothing has worked. Furthermore, this road trip helps reunite Windows, Linus and Hutch with their buddy, Eric, who they more or less lost touch with three years prior.

They supposedly mapped the trip out years ago and have finally decided, for Linus, that they should take a shot at this so they can become legends in the realm of fanboys.

Part A of the plan: meet with Rouge Leader, who has valuable information who can help them get inside to find the rough cut of the movie.
Minor setback: Windows goes to meet her and she turns out to be a 10 year old girl.

But after passing a series of questions posed by her uncle, ultimate fanboy Harry Knowles, they arrange to meet with his guy in Vegas who has the stuff they need.
The password is, get this, "Scruffy Nerfherder"

Part B: meet the "Scruffy Nerfherder" in Vegas

On the way to Vegas, however, an attempt to evade the police goes terribly array and they get arrested. Zoe arrives to bail them out and ends up coming along for the ride.
It's at Vegas when the truth comes out about Zoe's true feelings. It's funny how that happens in Vegas, especially when it takes an escort to see it. 

As laughable predictable as everything is, you enjoy every minute of this ride.

Trekkies come in a couple of times, being the butt of the jokes. Two of these encounters involves Seth Rogen, the second of which lands him in a confrontation with himself.
(His other character, Roach, is the pimp behind the two escorts that "pick up" Hutch and Windows. He happens to be a Star Wars fan, complete with tattoos, which includes one of Jar-Jar Binks... Star Wars fans, feel free to groan on this one).

No matter what the setbacks are, whether it's Eric's dad wanting him to return home to take over the family car dealing business or Linus's condition landing him in a hospital, they do make it into Skywalker Ranch.
And of course it is everything a fanboy would dream it would be. (I'd call it Nerdvana except that that's recently been trademarked by the TBS series "King of the Nerds").

Security does get a hold of them eventually, but after passing another series of tests (deeming them to be true fanboys, between their knowledge of the Star Wars franchise and lack thereof of women), George Lucas gives the okay (over the phone) for Linus, and only Linus, to see the movie.

And as one can predict, the movie ends at the midnight premiere of the movie with everyone in costume.
Then the ultimate kicker, the final line.

Eric: Hey guys, what if the movie sucks?
[screen goes to black]

Cameos: 

Billy Dee Williams plays a judge at the county jail that busted the guys for speeding.
His name: Judge Reinhold. 

Carrie Fisher is the nurse at the hospital. She first asks where the guys are heading, insisting that they should stop the trip because Linus is very sick. But she lets them through when they try to break out, with the following exchange:
Linus, after kissing her, says "I love you."
She responds, "I know." 

Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith appear as themselves in what seems to be an obligatory cameo that has NO bearing on the plot whatsoever. Windows sees them while waiting for a gas station restroom. We're put under the impression that Kevin is putting his buddy up to some risque business to get money to get their car fixed... fill in the blanks.

and the ultimate: William Shatner is the "scruffy nerfherder." Sure he has nothing to do with the Star Wars franchise, but I think most nerds go crazy for him in general because he IS Captain Kirk.
He really sells himself with the reassurance "I'm William Shatner, I can score anything."

As for the cast, most of them are general unknowns unless you dive off the mainstream.

Jay Baruchel is probably the biggest name of the four guys and he's probably the most adorkable actor I know. Love him in everything I'd seen him in (with the exception of "Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist" where he plays the exact opposite of his generally awkward characters).
Dan Fogler, I'd never seen before, and probably only one other time... in a TV series that didn't take off.
Christopher Marquette was Joan of Arcadia's boyfriend, Adam, the role I'll always associate him with because he rocked it.
Sam Huntington, I actually saw YEARS ago as Tim Allen's son in "Jungle 2 Jungle," and in recent years, he's played a werewolf in the SyFy series "Being Human" (after maybe 5-6 shows, I lost interest... boredom struck one time too many).

Kristen Bell, for whatever reasons, is an actress I'd never been able to take seriously. Most of it is because of the roles she generally takes, but some might be a little bias on my part because how she looks. The blonde hair with her in particular promotes a "dumb blonde" stereotype that couples with the ho-hum characters she plays. 
Sarah Marshall was very 2-dimensional, but there's a few other things about that movie I don't care for in general. On the other hand, her character in "When in Rome" who came from the same place as far as stereotypes go, but I rooted for her all the way. Maybe it's just because there's a charm to sub-par chick flicks like that where the plot is thin, predictable and rests on its lack of laurels.

But in "Fanboys" as Zoe, she is awesome. She's feisty, a bit of a fangirl and, I don't know, my gut tells me that the brunette wig is a good look for her. Whenever I watch it back, I see Zoe more as a living, breathing character here than an actress playing a role. And of course I gotta add she's got good taste in men.

Further Comments speaking as a Star Wars fangirl:

I'll leave it as this.
I love the Star Wars franchise in general and like many other fanboys and girls, my allegiance resides more with the original trilogy than the prequels. With me, it's more of just a love for the story and the characters a lot more. Plus, you can't really go wrong with the original anything.

However, I didn't become aware until years later that a lot of fanboys didn't care for the prequels. In fact, some of them believe they let down what was otherwise an untouchable franchise. 
I'm probably one of the few people on the planet who liked Jar-Jar Binks as a source of comic relief and I kinda hated it when they made him more serious in the next couple movies.
"The Phantom Menace" I liked a lot, but after that, I'm not quite as lenient. 

Personally, I find the romance between Anakin and Padme a little forced. I still find the chronology between episodes I and II a little hard to follow. 
How much older IS she than Anakin? Meanwhile, he aged at least 8-10 years and she looks exactly the same (except for the fact she's not wearing as much makeup in the later movies).

Then of course all of the fanboys went berserk at the end of the series when they turned Darth Vadar into a complete wuss with his epic "NOOOOOOOOOO!!." (Again, I had to hear from heresay that that moment was the ultimate buzz-kill for Darth Vadar's following).

My mom personally objected to how Padme ended up dying of a broken heart. 
Supposing Nostalgic Critic or one of his brethren were to tell their take of that development, they'd say something like: "screw my kids, my husband doesn't love me anymore so I don't want to live" 

Me personally, in recent retrospect, I personally rejected to Samuel L. Jackson getting offed in Episode III. I mean, the dude is the ultimate bad-ass, and he gets killed by a dude that was more or less manipulated into committing his murder? 
C'MON!

So, if you're a fanboy and you like what you read, or want to use this as a platform to put down your favorite nerd-errific quote, feel free.

# 91: Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

Code-name: Felicity

Director: Jay Roach
Type: Comedy/Spoof

Cast:
Austin Powers/Dr. Evil/Fat Bastard- Mike Meyers
Felicity Shagwell- Heather Graham
Mini-Me- Verne Troyer
Scott Evil- Seth Green
Mindy Sterling- Frau
#2- Robert Wagner
[past] #2- Rob Lowe
Basil- Michael York
Mustafa- Will Ferrell
Rebecca Romijin- herself
Burt Bacharach & Elvis Costello- themselves


Notable Awards and Nominations:
Grammy- Best Song written for TV/movie ("Beautiful Stranger" by Madonna)
nomination- Grammy- Best soundtrack album
nomination- OSCAR- Best Makeup
nomination- Golden Globe- Best Original Song ("Beautiful Stranger")

Write-Up:

I guess at this point my list has gone to the dogs known as "guilty pleasures." After picking a bunch of decidedly GREAT films, most of which I liked from the get-go (otherwise they would not have made the list at all), my next few (started by entry #92) will be movies I love to chill out to, make fun of and quote whenever the opportunity presents itself.

A bunch of my guilty pleasures have in common the fact that they have great inside jokes and allusions to other films. 
Ironically, the first time (ok, maybe one of the first times) I came across it was after seeing one of the things it was spoofing. For a precisely short amount of time, it helped take the edge off and I could laugh for a little bit... after which I proceeded through the only sleepless night I ever had... I can still laugh at the scene where Dr. Evil's chair develops a mind of its own, but I will never sit through "The Exorcist" ever again. My dad's into his psychological thrillers and I broke down and watched this for the sake of saying that I saw it.

[Someday I will temporarily breach the subject of scary movies and such. Make what you will of the fact that I couldn't sleep after seeing this, but sleep managed to find me after "Nightmare on Elm Street"... 3-4 hours later, but it still found me]

Two things about the movie, despite its crude humor (which I initially wanted nothing to do with... I think I was maybe 16 at the time), that kept me coming back for more:
Seth Green and Heather Graham.

I don't know why I loved the character of Scott Evil so much, in this Austin Power movie of all of them. Maybe I just felt sorry for him because he never seemed good enough for his father. Maybe it was because he had some of the best lines in the movie, most of which took place after he joined Dr. Evil in 1969. 

Throughout the series, Dr. Evil more than lived up to the cliché of the dad failing miserably to be funny and appeal to the younger generations. 
While attempting to hold the world hostage, he's making all of these pop culture references that wouldn't come out for several years. 

Examples:

• Naming his "laser" The Alan Parsons Project, after which Scott sarcastically suggests "Operation Wang-Chung" and "I'm sure operation Banarama will be huge"
• Nicknaming the moon with his new "laser" a "Death Star." (Scott calls him "Darth" and coughs "rip-off!")
• In demonstrating the power of the "laser," he shows a clip of Independance Day
• Quoting, perhaps the most famous line of Jerry Maguire: 'Show me the money!'

The first time, I was already well aware of "Stars Wars," (spoofed later when Dr. Evil says in a deep voice "Austin, I am your father" and retracts his statement), my memory of Jerry Maguire was vague aside from that specific scene, and I hadn't heard of the Alan Parsons Project.

Sibling rivalry is taken to new extremes with Scott and Mini-Me, and I can't help but feel bad for Scott, who never seems to come out on top.

Scott isn't evil enough for Dr. Evil, so he fills that void (bringing forth another quote line from Jerry Maguire, "you complete me.") with a clone of himself that's "like [him] in every way... 1/8th [his] size." 

We have a few cameos of Jerry Springer who does his best to help mend fences between the "Evil" clan. He fails with Scott and Dr. Evil, but the credits scene shows him and his mom working things out.

Given that this is an overall spoof of the James Bond franchise, Austin Power has to have a different love interest in each movie.

It really doesn't make sense for the writers to "reveal" after the entire first installment of the series that Ms. Vanessa Kensington was, indeed, a fem-bot all along. 

Okay, supposing that was true, how does she [eventually] succumb to the charms of Austin Powers, if robots can't love? Did Mrs. Kensington know that her daughter was a fem-bot?

Or, the more plausible explanation, Vanessa was killed and replaced with a fem-bot, who tracks down Austin Powers after his mojo overwhelmed Dr. Evil's Fem-Bot army... I guess we'll never know.

The time machine makes its first appearance in the franchise and, of course, in the past is where Austin Powers finds love.

By far, Felicity Shagwell is my favorite of his female partners. Heather Graham looks amazing in every scene and it is impossible to listen to Lenny Kravitz's cover of "America Woman" without her introduction scene coming to mind. I just love it.

Each "Austin Power" film has some really good music in it. Of course we have the theme song (which originated somewhere in the 60's, I believe). We're guaranteed a Burt Bararach cameo. This time, he teams up with Elvis Costello for "I'll Never Fall in Love Again" while Austin and Felicity are enjoying each other's company in 60's London.

Somewhat underappreciated is Madonna's "Beautiful Stranger," which appears in a short scene in London.

On the flipside, though, we have the "love-in" scene with Dr. Evil and Frau, set to Marvin Gaye. Which is one of my least favorite scenes in the entire movie because it does get a little weird and "out there"... as these two characters tend to get whenever they're alone together.

It's also my favorite in the franchise because of the jokes. Especially the running jokes.

• Robin Swallows (maiden name Spitz) being that the enemy that refuses to die, no matter how times she's used as a human shield and falls off a builiding.
• Mustafa makes a second appearance, where he not only refuses to answer questions unless he's asked the same thing three times, but like Robin before him, will not shut up and die after he's injured beyond conceivable repair. (In this case, though, the timeline works because he was killed in 1997 in the first movie, and his scene here takes place in 1969)

• Dr. Evil interrupting Scott by tying in pop culture references/jokes with "zip it" or "shh"

• "Ex-zip-it A" and [after some Spanish] "subtitle 'zip-it'"

• The quotation fingers, which is a staple for the entire franchise, really.

I didn't notice the longest time that in each of these movies, Mike Meyers added another character of himself. You have the duo role in the first movie. Fat Bastard is introduced here. And in the third movie, we have the Dutch Madman "Goldmember."

Bleck... Dr. Evil sums up the disgusting factor of Fat Bastard perfectly in this one scene, where he reveals that he and Felicity slept together (Felicity agreed to it only to plan a tracking device on him in order to find out the whereabouts of Dr. Evil's "secret lair"):

"That's enough... as much as I like seeing Austin Powers in agony, and I do, the thought of you naked is just gross." 

Although I find the interaction between him and Mini-Me is pretty hilarious.

"Hey, I'm gonna eat you. I'm bigger than you, I'm higher in the food chain. Get in my belly!"

The gross factor continues with how she manages to plant the tracking device on him, when they procure, and maybe a tad with the shadow puppet game. Where Austin is bending over and Dr. Evil's henchmen believe she's removing the contents of their baggage from him.

Then, of course is the most infamous running joke: everyone making their own assessments of Dr. Evil's rocket, which has a "long smooth shaft complete with 'two balls'."

They temporarily carry over this spoof to the next movie. Which may have marked the end of the franchise because the Osbournes broke the 4th wall with their cameo, referencing the previous movie's joke.

IMDB has a confirmed file for a 4th movie. Following the line of reasoning of these movies, supposing this gets a foothold, they really should go back in time to the 1980's.

They start at the present, they've been back to 1967, and they went back to the 70's in the third movie... I mean, it's the least they can do, right?

Anything to make up for the diss at the end of this movie:

Felicity wants to see what happens in the 70's and 80's and Austin Powers says "You're not missing anything. I looked into it. There's a gas shortage and a Flock of Seagulls. That's about it."