Theatrical Review: Pixels

Date: Saturday, August 1 2015
Time: 2:20pm
Location: Pocono Movieplex
Party: 3 (my mom, sister and myself)

Cast:
Brenner- Adam Sandler
Cooper- Kevin James
Ludlow- Josh Gad
Fireblaster- Peter Dinklage
Violet- Michelle Monaghan
Lady Lisa- Ashley Benson

Director: Chris Columbus (Harry Potter, Step-Mom, Mrs. Doubtfire)
Based on a short  film by Patrick Jean

Duration: 106 minutes (+ 3? previews)

Write-up:

Opening Remarks
When we first arrived, the theater was empty and the previews had already begun. By the time the opening credits started, a family or two filed in behind us and laughed along with us. Granted, the laughs were few, but we all were kind of on the same ride.

I mentioned on previous reviews that I looked forward to this movie based on the trailer alone. Thought it was going to be one of the biggest nerdgasms EVER-- seeing old 80's video games come to life, even if they were here to kill us.
Then we found out that it was this year's Adam Sandler/Happy Madison production...

Much Ado about Adam Sandler

I've reviewed Adam Sandler twice already. "50 first dates" was my favorite of his chick-flick movies (and my favorite Drew Barrymore movie). And he was great in "Spanglish" as a dramatic actor, but he wasn't the biggest draw of the movie.
Nowadays, when you hear he's attached to a movie, there's a collective GROAN and echo of "How does this idiot kept getting movies made?"
The only logical answer: he's lucky enough to have his own production company. Happy Madison is named after two of his successful 90's movies: Billy Madison & Happy Gilmore.
His brand of comedy, I'll call, PG-obnoxiousness, idiocy and self-deprecation. Those two films succeeded because they were well-written and dealt from an emotional core.
But all the latest movies he'd put together, the "Grown Ups" movies, "Jack & Jill," etc., his brand of comedy has gotten so ridiculously blown out of proportion... :sigh:

What's the point of all this?
While the comedy of this movie was good, the fact Adam Sandler was attached to it pretty much doomed it to fail. No matter how cool the special effects are. In fact, it might have been worth to see this in 3D for the Centipede and Pac-Man sequences.
But I'm getting ahead of myself...

Story

We start in 1982.
Seth Gordon being one of the executive producers was a smart move if only for this opening scene-- he's behind "The Goldbergs," an ABC sitcom set in the 80's, which I LOVE as someone who loves the 80's.

So in 1982, we see younger versions of our four male leads participate in an Arcade Game tournament. Eddie aka "Fireblaster" is the egomaniac champ with an entourage and he winds up psyching Adam Sandler out in the final round (Donkey Kong), taking the trophy.
Also to remember in this tournament: it will be videotaped and sent into space by NASA.

In the present, all of our gamers have more or less become losers... although it is pretty cool that Adam Sandler knows how to install big screen TV's and video game systems. His electronic talents haven't gone completely to waste.
For whatever ungodly reason, Kevin James becomes our next president and he happens to one trying to promote literacy when his reading level is in the basement. I don't know about you, but any universe where Kevin James is president has me worrying about our future.

As it turns out, the videotape we sent into space, an alien race took that as a declaration of war and sent all these video game characters to Earth to destroy us.
Challenges are issued rather cleverly, combining 80's celebrity icons with Bad Lip Reading. The department of defense even says that anyone could have done that with their computers to create a hoax... they can do it, they have the technology...

But the threat soon enough becomes credible and the so-called losers finally get to use their video-gaming skills for something important.

Characters and Actors
First of all, it is so nice to not have Sean Bean die in this. He plays the Colonel in charge of the army.

Michelle Monaghan, who I'd praised in my "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" review, holds her own here as the army's Lieutenant and the first scene she and Adam Sandler share together is pretty funny. But I'd have to agree with another review I read (written by a woman I'm willing to bet is a feminist): she isn't given enough to do and her character is more or less confined to female stereotypes. (What I didn't agree with was her harping about no strong female characters in this movie... speaking as a woman myself, I'm sorry, but we can't always have that luxury. Besides, it's not as if girls played video games in the 80's... that I know of..).

Another review said Adam Sandler was on auto-pilot throughout this. I didn't think he was all that bad, compared to the recent movies I refused to watch based on their trailers. But I was in this movie more for the different "levels" and "challenges" than him.

If any actors stood out, it was Josh Gad... ever-so-lovable and funny... Olaf is going places ;)
and Peter Dinklage. He's the only reason my mom came with us to this movie :P He's a bad-ass character in "Game of Thrones" and it's fun seeing him in this type of role-- where he can crack a smile and a joke. And considering his character spent the past several years in prison for tax evasion and such, you never really know what to expect from him. Let's just say he does some things that don't really come as a surprise, but I praise the writers for it.

Video Games
When I got my Playstation for Christmas, it came with Crash Bandicoot: Warped (which I sold cuz I couldn't beat it and the disc was glitchy), Frogger (which I played a lot with my friends back in the early 2000's) and Namco Arcade Museum.
So I know some of my vintage 80's video games. I'm good at Galaga and decent at Pac-Man and we saw some of these characters throughout the movie.
As I said before, the special effects in the battle sequences were nerdgasm worthy. So cool seeing them in person and so realistic.
The final battle scene where it's all-out war... not so much. Maybe because it was too chaotic or I didn't recognize as many of the characters anymore.

But I loved how the writing included just about everything about video gaming that nerds have been aware of for decades: everything from cheat codes to patterns to old vs. new. Adam Sandler shares some scenes with Michelle Monaghan's son where they talk about how video games have changed over the years. When it became less about patterns and more about "pretending you're the guy and you don't want to die."

We also address how some nerds fall in love with pixels and Josh Gad sees his personal fantasy come to life in the form of Lady Lisa. Granted, she's there to kill him, but that was a nice touch.
As was the inclusion of Q*Bert as a character.

Final Word
When it comes to bringing video game characters to life... just maybe you're better off leaving Adam Sandler and his gang out of it...
"Wreck-It Ralph," on the other hand, would be a much more worthy venture if seeing video games brought to life is your cup of tea. The writing's super clever, it has a lot of heart and the nerdgasms are more prevalent... plus there's a wicked twist at the end that still blows my mind :P

And FYI, it is worth sticking through some of the credits: they replay the entire movie within 2 minutes using vintage 8-bit video game animation. It's pretty cool.

Grade: B

Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)

Director: Amy Heckerling [her debut- also did "Clueless"]
Writer: Cameron Crowe [also wrote/directed another 80's classic, "Say Anything..."]
Type: R-rated teen high school movie

Cast:

Brad Hamilton- Judge Reinhold
Spicoli- Sean Penn
Linda Barrett- Phoebes Cates
Stacy Hamilton- Jennifer Jason Leigh
Rat- Brian Backer
Mike Damone- Robert Romanus
Mr. Hand- Ray Walston (RIP- 2001)

Honorable mentions:
Nicolas Cage as a random dude in the bleachers at the football game
Forest Whittaker as Ridgemont High football star, Charles Jefferson

[With Nicolas Cage, it was his first silver screen appearance. He was then known as Nicolas Coppola, lied about his age when he auditioned for Brad, but didn't get it. Supposedly, his audition was too dark and he was only 17, so he couldn't work as many hours.]
**All credits go to IMDB

Write-up:

Opening Monologue- Skepticism

The first time I heard about this movie was from my 11th grade Social Studies teacher, Mr. Jablon. I think he said it was either one of his favorite movies or it was "the best movie." Mind you, this was ten years ago and I spent a great part of that year stressing out about grades and SAT scores.
I saw the movie a year or so later, but came away with little memory of it. I guess I expected the John Hughes 80's experience and wound up disappointed. I also saw the censored version, so die-hard fans like my dad would say I didn't really experience the movie.

Ten years later, we watched the movie on DVD [therefore completely uncensored] at the shore house.
I'm still of the opinion that it's not the best 80's high school I'd ever seen. On the John Hughes scale, grading it against his movies, I'd say it's better than "Weird Science" but not better than "Sixteen Candles." ["Pretty in Pink" is the next notch higher, followed by "Ferris Bueller" and "The Breakfast Club"]

In my view, the 80's was defined by a lot of high school movies. A genre that was more or less perfected in this decade and would later become predictable in later years [unless they're the rarities like "Clueless" and "Easy A" that either defined a generation or told an original/not-so-clichéd story].
In 1982, the genre was just coming into focus, but not completely hashed out.

One key example: this movie really doesn't have a plot. It had a couple of story arcs happening simultaneously, but there was never a central focus.
That may be why it was so hard for me to get hooked on this movie.

Another criticism that I can't help but echo: all the actors look too old to play high school kids. It's sometimes hard to find it believable as a high school movie.
At least Molly Ringwald and Anthony Michael Hall were teenagers when they did "Sixteen Candles."

SPOILER ALERT
Plot Lines and Highlights

1) Sean Penn giving an iconic unforgettable performance as Jeff Spicoli- the residential Ridgemont High burn-out- literally living the high life and we're simply alone for the ride.

This was, really, the only part of the movie I really remembered. This character who was totally rad [yeah, I'm typing this with a surfer dude accent]. How he was at constant odds with the teacher, Mr. Hand- perhaps THE BSer you don't BS [to paraphrase Jane Lynch in "Role Models"].

Two scenes that stand out with the two of them:
a) Spicoli orders pizza in class and Mr. Hand proceeds to give it away to the rest of the students (without having to say "I hope you brought enough for everybody")
b) Mr. Hand "wasting" 8 hours of Spicoli's time, tutoring him so he can pass the class

Spicoli also got away with the biggest transgression in epic fashion. He was driving the football star's sports car and, while distracted, got it in a wreck. But then he got it painted and blamed it on the rival football team.

2) Rat and Stacy are looking for love in all the wrong places... before they find each other, lose each other, and find each other again

maybe it's pure coincidence that Amy Heckerling had a mall scene in "Clueless" after introducing the iconic 80's shopping mall to film with "Ridgemont High"... the mere idea of the shopping mall is older, but this was the one of the first instances in pop culture where it was synonymous with "teen hangout spot"

This setting happens to be where we're introduced to these two characters. Rat's an usher at the movie theater and Stacy works with her friend Linda in the food court. He sees her across the way and spends the movie pursuing her, with the help of his scalper friend, Mike.

Stacy, meanwhile, is eager to lose her virginity. Linda gives her a crash course in oral sex using a carrot in the school cafeteria. This never comes to fruition on screen, which is probably the right way to go on this.
Her first is with a stereotypical hunky guy, but based on her expression, it wasn't what she thought it would be. It just seemed awkward.

One thing I will say for this movie: it has a hard R-rating. Not a soft R-rating that could be downgraded to PG13 when it was introduced in 1984.

When she and Rat finally go out, he foolishly forgets his wallet and calls Mike to bring it. Later that night, they're alone in her bedroom. (One of multiple scenes where she takes off her shirt and is magically not wearing a bra... between that and her sexual urges... I'm all for women taking charge, but I found that part of her character very off-putting).
For whatever reason, he's not entirely into it and bails before they get any further.

Stacy's next target: Mike. Perhaps to make Rat jealous enough to crawl back to her. Instead, this results in a pregnancy, an abortion and a revelation for multiple characters (in the view of themselves, their co-stars and the audience).

*Linda turns all the girls in the school against Mike after finding out he knocked her up and wasn't exactly helpful afterwards.
*Stacy finally slows down and resolves to look for a real relationship rather than a cheap one-night stand.
*However goofy he may be at times, Brad is the best big brother EVER

3) Brad Hamilton's various misadventures

Due to multiple unfortunate circumstances, Brad cannot hold onto a job. He was probably one of the main honor students when he was in school. A real teacher's pet/goody-two-shoes type. But he cannot catch a break.
The most hilarious: he gets fired after cursing out an irate unsatisfied customer. Honestly, the [customer] dude had it coming, very rude. In Brad's defense, he was following procedure. Having him fill out paperwork about his dissatisfaction. If not for the whole, "Mister, if you don't shut up I'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your ass!" comment, he might have gotten away scot-free.
[still love that quote, I burst out laughing and cheered during that part of the movie]

The most famous scene that all the guys remember about this movie is the Phoebe Cates fantasy sequence. The edited version I saw on TV stopped it just as it began, so I didn't see much of it.
Speaking to the nudity, Phoebe Cates was perfection.
Can anyone really blame Brad for getting hot and heavy about it? [Her reaction to walking in on him was priceless as well as authentic surprise... IMDB mentions it on their trivia page].Despite all those iffy moments [although for me, I didn't mind him nearly as much as the other characters did], Brad shined in the post-abortion scene. We see Stacy after the fact in the recovery room, telling the nurse that her boyfriend is waiting for her outside [she can't go home by herself], and goes downstairs to find Brad waiting for her. She didn't come out and say where she was going, but he looked out for her like a good big brother should.

And that karma rewards him in the final scene. His 3rd job in the span of this movie [burger world and the pirate restaurant were the others], which happens to be at your clichéd 7-11 type place that frequently gets robbed. Lucky for him, Spicoli was shopping at the time and had the genius idea to throw hot coffee in the would-be robber's face.
After which, Brad grabs his gun and holds him there until the police arrive.

"Way to go, Rosewood. You're some kinda cop, you know that."

[My love of "Beverly Hill Cop" also led me to this movie and kinda had me disappointed with the overall product... but this actor did not].

Probably the best part about this movie:

We find out what happens to all the characters afterwards. It's not a luxury we're often allowed, but in this case, it was nice to get some closure. It certainly provided more laughs, something I found this movie short on.

• Rat & Stacy get together and are taking it slow.
• Mike gets more bad karma when his scalping ways catch up with him... involving Ozzy Osbourne tickets.
• Linda moves in with her UC Riverside Abnormal Psychology professor [why she's taking that course, I have no idea... unless she got the idea from that field trip to the morgue... led by the actor who played the Subway ghost in "Ghost"].
• Spicoli blows the money he got for saving Brooke Shields from drowning on a Van Halen concert- for his birthday party.
• And yes, Mr. Hand still believes everyone's on drugs. Probably did until the day he died in 2001... well, the actor did. But Mr. Hand is definitely one of the most memorable movie teachers.

Final Word: Music

Gotta hand it to the 80's for their music and how it's often used in movies in clever ways.

One of the songs led me to write this entry in the first place. "Somebody's Baby" by Jackson Browne was on the radio this morning and played at least three times through the course of the movie... almost like it was Stacy's theme song.

I forget which song it was, maybe "We've got the beat" by The Go-Go's. But we heard it on the radio when we went out for dinner after watching this movie and the DJ namedropped the movie after it finished playing.

And I'd since heard "American Girl" at least three times. :P it was just a couple months ago where Kurt & Blaine performed it on "Glee" and I loved it, thinking how I hadn't heard the song in years and they did a great job with it.

Broadway vs. Hollywood: Rock of Ages

Introduction
Like with my "Into the Woods" entry, "Broadway" is used loosely...
On our recent Norwegian Cruise, we had an on-ship production of "Rock of Ages."
Both version have their pluses and minuses,  but I'll start by reviewing the movie because it was my initial point of reference.

Rock of Ages (2012)

Cast:
Sherri- Julianne Hough
Drew/Wolfgang Von Colt/Joshy Z- Diego Boneta
Stacee Jaxx- Tom Cruise
Patricia Whitmore- Catherine Zeta-Jones
Mayor Whitmore- Bryan Cranston
Dennis Dupree- Alec Baldwin
Lonny- Russell Brand
Paul Gill- Paul Giamatti
Justice- Mary J. Blige
Constance- Malin Akerman
Honorable Mention
T.J. as the Rolling Stone receptionist

Anyone who had even skimmed my blog or knows me personally knows I'm a huge fan of the 80's. Particularly of their music and John Hughes movies.
"Rock of Ages" does a fair job of bringing that particular era to life... I still feel that it suffers from an image problem :P if it were up to me, 80's music would focus on the trifecta of Prince, Madonna and Michael Jackson, British bands [Tears for Fears, Depeche Mode and Thompson Twins to name a few] and countless one-hit wonders focusing heavily on synthesizers and electronics.
I certainly wouldn't have focused on the "hair metal" motif. My biggest nit-pick on this front is that a lot of the songs are ones I'd heard millions of times and was sick off after the first 10 times. Again, that's just a matter of personal preference.

Story

Julianne Hough plays Sherri, an Okie going to the Sunset Strip in search of fame and fortune. Of course she’s got that farm girl naivety down pat (except for the fact she has NO trace of an accent)… and if not for the people she meets, she wouldn’t have lasted a day out there…
That’s no joke. After a mash-up at least 4 different songs, some random punk steals her records… you might not think that was the best thing to steal, but he definitely could get more money for selling them than just taking her purse.
After this theft, her future love interest, Drew arrives to ask if she’s okay…
this entire time, I’m thinking “you idiot! go catch that guy!”… that had me cringing, the writing on that was sooo bad… they make up for it later,  but still… c’mon!

Drew works at The Bourbon Room, which is a bar that has a stage where all the big acts come from and come back to play… so I guess it kinda is like First Avenue, but with head-banger rock instead of R&B
It’s run by Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand, both are excellent in their roles (and I’m not the biggest fan of Baldwin either)… who humor Drew and give Sherri a job waitressing.
The bar is up in arms because the rock band Arsenal is coming to play their last show before its frontman, Stacee Jaxx goes solo… The Bourbon Room launched his career, so the two of them go way back… and they need this because their finances are on the brink.

The first part of the movie is devoted to the blossoming relationship between Drew and Sherri, with plenty of musical numbers to boot…
I had trouble taking things seriously because it was just happening way too fast… talk about unrealistic
On the other side of things, you also have Catherine Zeta-Zones. Her character is the wife of the mayor, and as a “God-fearing” citizen, she and her cronies picket the streets across the Bourbon Room, proclaiming that rock n’ roll is filch…
those kinds of people just annoy the HELL out of me. She’s no big threat, though, and her key motivation makes it all worth it in the end.

The movie really got started for me when Tom Cruise hit the scene as Stacee Jaxx… when he was first casted, none of us took the idea of him in this role seriously… he proved us wrong like you wouldn’t believe…
probably will go down as one of my favorite roles of his EVER
because Stacee Jaxx is just soooo out there, but what he says makes a strange amount of sense.
It’s also hard to beat the fact he has a pet baboon (his introduction is hilarious in itself) that knows how to cop an attitude… but you know what they say about dogs taking after their masters
You also get to know his manager, played by Paul Giamatti in his typical role…. slimier than a snake oil salesman… if there’s any sort of villain in this movie, other than the misunderstandings, it’s him…
While waiting to go on stage, Stacee Jaxx has an interview with a girl from Rolling Stone magazine… who’s very uptight, but not entirely immune to the charm to Stacey Jaxx…
the two of them have a song together… a Foreigner classic… will never able to think of that song the same way again… let’s just say they used it somewhat disrespectfully
but they had a moment they won’t soon forget ;)
and Tom Cruise is a pretty decent singer too… in the “I’m surprised he could sing” sort of way, not so much “he’s so flipping amazing, he should totally quit his day job"

Before Drew goes on to debut with his band, he sees Sherri and Stacey Jaxx leave a room together and believes he saw more than what was there…
After doing a great number with his band (I’d never heard “I wanna rock” b4), he and Sherri have a fight and break up. Her perspective isn’t quite as well-written. After some random girl (with no other lines in the movie) tells her “that spotlight doesn’t just make them shine, it makes us disappear," she believes the fame has already gone to Drew’s head
It kinda reminded me of that random girl in “Moulin Rouge” that asked the villian “why does the girl end up with the penniless writer, oh, I mean sitar player”… but it wasn’t her ONLY purpose in that movie.
So Drew and Sherri quit the Bourbon Room and go their separate ways.
Sherri is saved from the streets by Mary J. Blige, who owns a strip club, and gives her a waiting position, but later tells her that the real money is on the pole.
Meanwhile, Drew becomes the slimey manager’s latest conquest. Apparently rock is no longer on the cutting edge, so he ends up becoming part of a boy band called the “Z guy-eez”
Because of the great playlist, this quickly became one of my dad's guilty pleasures. And this was the point in the movie where he kinda stopped having fun… ugh, nobody "got" boybands in the 80’s… it bugs me how everyone (including the cast members) passed it off as a joke. Boy Bands would go on to rule the world in the following decade... and at present, one still currently does (although after Zayn left, we'll see how One Direction will fare).

All of the characters arcs are finished pretty well. Of course Drew and Sherri eventually make up. The truth about Catherine Zeta-Jones is revealed and it’s Russell Brand who figures it out cuz he spends most of the movie asking where he’d seen her before.
The slimey manager gets his ass handed to him by Stacee Jaxx and his baboon when he finds out, through the Rolling Stone article, what he did to the Bourbon Room- raking in all the proceeds

Stacee also places a call trying to track down the girl that interviewed him. This exchange between him and TJ Miller (Stainer from “she’s out of my league”) is probably my favorite scene in the whole movie… freaking hilarious

And considering this is an 80’s era movie, what better song to play it out with than some Journey…
Drew first tells Sherri that he wrote it after they met… the whole time, I’m laughing at the TV something like “you liar! you didn’t write that song! Steve Perry did”

Rock of Ages (on stage)

Story [with differences]

The general ideas remain the same between both versions.

We have our love story (although it's not as clearly defined in Drew's eyes) that falls apart and comes together after much tribulation.
The Bourbon Room is still on the brink of foreclosure, but this time, it comes dangerously close to demolition. (Whereas in the movie, it never closes down and the opposition to its existence poses next to no threat).

The biggest difference between the two lies in Stacee Jaxx's involvement. He and Sherry do sleep together [in the movie, Drew saw them come out a room together looking suspicious and jumped to conclusions]. Afterwards, he claims that she's a negative influence on the Bourbon Room and she gets fired [in the movie she quits after Drew breaks up with her]. And he complicates things forever by showing up at her strip club, her boss forcing her to give him a dance and Drew catching them together.
To put it bluntly, though, Stacee Jaxx is just plain unlikeable in this version.

We also have a few additional characters. In place of the mayor and his wife, we have a  German real estate developer and his son, Franz, threatening to tear the place down [and almost succeed... all the mayor's wife did was picket and claim with her followers that rock music is filth]. The Bourbon Room is also gifted with an additional defender in this version: a Berkeley student named Regina.

Likes and Differences

I guess in deciding between both versions, you can have to decide what you'd rather vie for. Do you prefer Stacee Jaxx being a dirt bag or being insanely deep?
Or would you prefer Sherry and Drew to have more character development and believability?

Because I feel like that was the big difference between the two.
Stacee Jaxx is explored so much in the movie and takes up so much screen time that we don't get as much time to focus on the love story. As a result, the love story falls victim to countless clichés.

To name a few:
1) he's the first guy she meets when she comes to LA
2) he gets her a job at the Bourbon Room where he also works
3) they fall in love almost immediately and get a montage dedicated to their puppy love
4) [the biggest one] the most random details lead to them breaking up

Julianne Hough was really good in "Footloose," but I really didn't like her in this movie. Her dialogue delivery was weak on so many points and the script doesn't exactly allow her to make a strong impression. [Sherry had much better writing in the stage show].

"Hit me with your best shot" [when it comes to Pat Benatar, give me "Heartbreaker" and "Love is a Battlefield" any day] also benefitted from the on-stage treatment. Granted, both versions of this number are very goofy and it's all about personal preference.
In the movie, the mayor's wife and her followers do the stupidest choreography through a series of church pews.
In the play, Franz is singing this song to his father when he decides to go against him... for me, it was hilarious in the best possible way because the villain needs to be taken down a peg. It also helped foster what seemed to be the most obvious allusion-- but apparently, according to Franz, he's not gay, he's German. [Also loved the dorky moment where he forced a "Rock me Amadeus" reference].

His father's comeuppance is also pretty sweet. He gets drunk after his son abandons him and he starts singing an REO Speedwagon song "Keep on lovin' you" and the band refused to back him on it. [Whenever they were acknowledged by the cast members, the crowd cheered]

Another huge difference is the character, Lenny. He's played by Russell Brand in the movie, but in the stage show, he had more to do than just trying to figure out why the major's wife looked so far familiar... he also wears the narrator hat and breaks the fourth wall. Especially hilarious when he reads the script to Drew, explaining the whole "friend zone" thing.

"Oh Sherri" also gets a bigger part on stage. We just hear the opening bars played in one scene. You would think with one of the main characters having that name that they'd do more than that. But Drew has an epic moment where he's running in place to get to Sherri, singing this song, and he's joined by a bunch of random cast members (and our cruise director, Julie). Then he gets to Sherri, out of breath, he exhales "Hold on..." before she can get a word in.

Final Comments

Too bad the writing of Drew and Sherri wasn't as good in the movie... otherwise, the movie would have won hands down.
I still feel like the movie is the best version (mainly because I love Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx and hate that the character was kind of an antagonist in the original stage show), but the show has its positives as well.

Unorthodox Christmas: Less than Zero (1987)

I finally have the perfect excuse to discuss this movie...


Every year during Christmas time, we all have our classics and traditions that we tune into every year. Whether they're on DVD, recorded VHS or on cable.
Movies like "A Christmas Carol," "Miracle on 34th street," "It's a Wonderful Life" and anything produced by Rankin/Bass incorporated.

One could argue that "It's a Wonderful Life" isn't your conventional Christmas movie. In fact, it's a prime example of why it can potentially be one of the most depressing times of the year. But it's so beloved AS a Christmas movie that I'm not sure I'd consider it "Unorthodox."


So how does one define "unorthodox Christmas?" It's a movie that takes place during the Christmas season, but doesn't necessarily cater to the THEMES of Christmas.

Less than Zero

Based on a novel by Bret Easton Ellis

[for my thoughts on the original novel, the adaptation and its sequel, visit:
http://dreamypoproyalty.wordpress.com/2014/08/10/imperial-bedrooms-reopening-wounds-left-by-less-than-zero/]

Cast:
Clay- Andrew McCarthy
Blair- Jamie Gertz
Julian Wells- Robert Downey Jr. [his first role with the "Jr." added]
Rip- James Spader [*click-click* finger gun locked and loaded]...

Where's the Christmas?Yeah, before I get too ahead of myself....
"Less Than Zero" technically is a Christmas movie because it takes place during the Christmas holiday. And there's a scene where "Christmas in Hollis" by Run-DMC can be heard on the radio....
There's gotta be a sick joke in here somewhere... that Jimmy Stewart didn't attempt suicide in "It's a Wonderful Life" because of $8000 missing in his bank... he did it after seeing this movie because the ending goes beyond "run-of-the-mill depressing"
But then maybe I was poking fun at myself. Except that the ending sucked the life force out of me...

A fateful night 15 years in the making...

As far back as I can remember, this is a movie I have wanted to see.
Thanks to a recorded VHS full of MTV music videos and one of them happened to be "Hazy Shade of Winter" by The Bangles... the song was so eerie and spooky that I couldn't get enough of it. I remember one day watching through the VHS and I had to rewind to watch it twice. I brought this up a couple times and my mom said it was a weird movie.

I could only assume that meant it involved sex and drugs. With drugs especially prevalent. I barely skimmed over the cast list maybe once or twice... I recognized Andrew McCarthy from "Weekend at Bernie's" and maybe 1-2 other movies, but I can't remember whether I came into it knowing Robert Downey Jr. was part of it.

The fateful night was Friday, February 4th 2011 at midnight. I learned it was scheduled after sitting through "The Adventure of Ford Farlaine" the night before. I watched that for all of Morris Day's 10 minutes on screen :P decent, but certainly not genius filmmaking.

The Story- in a nutshell
[screw the spoiler alert, RDJ dies at the end].

It all starts out so promising...
The three main characters are graduating high school. Originally, Clay and Blair would be moving in together with Julian starting work as a record producer. Right away, though, two things fall apart. Blair changes her mind about moving to the east coast and Clay catches her and Julian in bed together when he's visiting for Thanksgiving.
As a result, he hadn't spoken to either of them for nearly a month.

Cue the music... and I could not have been more disappointed with the way they incorporated "Hazy Shade of Winter"... there's no darkness or fog machines... it's broadcast in daylight, following Clay as he's driving in his car to his house.

Clay plays his answering machine and Blair tells him he needs to come back. He reluctantly agrees. And quickly learns that [yikes my chest is already tightening] Julian is in big trouble. Not only did his job fall through, but he's now a drug addict barely hanging on. We also see throughout that Blair is addicted to snorting, but she's slightly better at hiding her problems.

Aside from Julian's personal demons, the movie's main antagonist is his drug dealer, Rip. He's accumulated a $50,000 debt and the only means of resolving it is working as a male prostitute for him. All the while, he keeps him hooked on drugs so he has no choice but to keep coming back.

The Negatives

Overall, this movie is really horrible filmmaking for the 80's :P I'm not afraid to admit that about it. It was promoted as a Brat Pack movie since all the main actors have previously worked with John Hughes.

• Andrew McCarthy and James Spader- Pretty in Pink
• Jamie Gertz- Sixteen Candles (all of maybe 10 minutes of total screentime)
• Robert Downey Jr.- Weird Science (plus his work with Molly Ringwald in "The Pick-up Artist")

Like "St. Elmo's Fire," it's a more grown-up Brat Pack movie [unaffiliated with John Hughes]... but "St. Elmo's Fire" has a lot more going for it. The characters are better written. The stories are slightly more exciting and the ending... well, that's it's own subheading...

I think after the first hour, I was having reservations of staying up to see the rest. Just because there was no excitement. Nothing that really grabbed me or held my attention.

Clay and Blair don't exactly have great chemistry to begin with, but they spent the majority of their shared screen time having sex. I realize they hadn't been with each other in a long time, but C'MON...
That's not exactly good character development. At least not in my opinion.
Only "The Kids Are All Right" and "Bel Ami" surpass it the degree of awkwardness (mainly because a) nudity or b) its use being prolific and unnecessary to the overall plot).

In effect, RDJ was the only one saved this movie for me... and has since prevented me from ever wishing to sit through it again...

The Ending

Blair did eventually see the light about her own addiction. And Clay maintained himself as the only character not affiliated with drugs. To this day, I still find him the best looking member of the "official" Brat Pack
[never mind that I don't like many of RDJ's 80's movies, he only has a "satellite" membership cuz he had a supporting role in "Weird Science" and starred alongside other members in non-John Hughes 80's movies]
But regardless, I didn't care enough about their characters at this point that where they wound up is of little consequence.

I will say this about Blair, though... I envy her strength in Julian's gut-wrenching withdrawal scene. Robert's acting here was so realistic, I was as awed as I was terrified. And I mean, TERRIFIED. She'd been through this with him several times before, but finally Clay gets to see for himself why Blair called him back.

In his following scene, Julian sees his father and asks if he can come home. He agrees but only if he can stay clean for a week. Another great scene with great acting. When it was on YouTube, I watched it a few extra times [until it was removed for copyright infringement].

Naturally, the next place he goes is back to Rip, saying [for probably the 100th time] he's done with him... but of course, Rip doesn't agree...
Clay has to rescue Julian one more time, running off with him and Blair... the next morning, they wake up to find him dead... likely from one final shot of cocaine at the gas station..

And Roy Orbison's "Fade Away" plays to the text crawl that is the ending credits.

(the last time we saw him alive... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... [crying hysterically])

The Aftermath

During the entire text crawl, I was curled up in a ball slowly crying my eyes out. And once in bed, I cried/borderline-sobbed myself to sleep. Most of the next day, I was practically comatose.
Once I snapped out of it, I did two things:
1) read Robert Downey Jr's Wikipedia page and
2) wrote everything I felt in hopes of processing them

I was already a fan of his thanks to Tropic Thunder, Iron-Man and Sherlock Holmes... but I never read his entire biography before. [Previously, I merely skimmed it]. The withdrawal scene was so hard to watch (and Julian's sequential death harder to accept) that I had to find out if his addiction was ever THAT serious.
The short answer for that is "no."
He'd spent a couple years in jail, been arrested multiple times, had multiple relapses and was once found asleep in someone's laundry room... but my worst fears were nowhere to be found.

I did sit through the movie another time. A month later on YouTube. But after the father-son reconciliation scene, I stopped watching. I knew I wouldn't survive that ordeal again.
Which brings me to my reaction...

Per my personal opinion, I believe Julian had a chance at a happy ending. He could have survived to see the end of the movie... if he never went back to Rip.
I don't care how much he attempts to "rationalize" his actions, saying that anyone else would have cut Julian off ages ago and he was doing him a favor...
I blamed the drug dealer for Julian's death, not him. I realize he owes him money, but he didn't have to get him hooked on drugs again. He knew Julian wouldn't have the willpower to resist.
And maybe I should hold out some of my ire for Clay. He could have come with Julian to back him up. Knowing all that he knows about the situation, he should have had the foresight to accompany him.  [Oddly, he's the only member of the cast other than RDJ (obviously) I don't carry ANY hostility toward as a result of this misadventure].

But the fact remains: I will forever hold James Spader responsible for Julian's death. Anytime I see his face, I tilt my hand sideways.
I'm just relieved that Iron-Man will survive Ultron's wrath to be in the next "Captain America" movie and more Avengers movies... otherwise, I'd have to point my finger gun at myself.

I survived "Less than Zero" because it took place 25 years ago and Robert Downey Jr. has been clean for 10 years.

I also took the movie so seriously, I started 7 works of fanfiction involving Julian. Their lengths vary from 253 to 18000 words.
All but one (dubbed "Eulogy for Julian") have one fact in common: Julian survives his "Less than Zero" ordeal and the story begins with him being far from his problems in LA. Three of which, my character is the one who saves him. And by saving him, I mean supporting him in rehab to make sure he doesn't completely give up on himself.

[I have one more fanfiction idea in reserve... if James Spader kills Robert Downey Jr in another movie, I'm going to need to vent... or possibly commit myself cuz I'll have gone insane]

As for my research, I went through all his movies (including spoilers) and determined which are worth watching. I'd since made multiple exceptions that went on to surprise me.
"Natural Born Killers" is the only one I've resolved to stay away from. Not just because he gets killed, but also because it's an Oliver Stone film... I don't get along well with his movies in general.

Conclusion

(I still have the lyrics of "Hazy Shade of Winter" posted on my wall, complete with the epitaph for Julian)

Aside from the obvious, my status going from fan to fangirl literally overnight, the biggest thing I got from "Less than Zero" was my inclination to believe the best in people whenever I can.
Drug addiction still scares the hell out of me, but I'm liable to believe it's something that can be conquered... as long as all the right conditions are in place.
I'm also more liable to remember those celebrity addicts who lost their battles for the times that brought me joy than for how they left us.
And those lucky enough TO recover, they have my support and inclination to focus on the positives.

If I'm ever lucky enough to meet Robert Downey Jr. and get the chance to have a conversation with him, I won't focus on his past troubles beyond these two questions:
1) How come "Less than Zero" didn't scare you away from addiction?
2) Considering how your time with "Ally McBeal" ended, is it a venture you look back on proudly or with regret?

...once that's out of the way, we can talk movies and discuss his album.
Everyone else still harps on the negative, so I want to make it my duty to not be one of those people.

I realize my "dream scenario" sounds crazy, but at least I have a clear idea about it ;)


It's still a reach, but 8 days ago, I found the tiniest reason to believe it's a possibility.