Rocko's Modern Life: Part 5

The final two episodes left to discuss have one big thing in common- they feature a character voiced by Joe Murray, the series’ creator. So in a way, this final post is a tribute to him.
…just happened to work out that way. Life’s funny like that.
Whether or not his story arcs were purely fictional or had inklings of truth to him, I’m not sure. But they sure as heck were entertaining.


I have no son!


The episode begins with Rocko and Filbert watching their favorite show- Meet the Fatheads. It features two ugly warty toads that constantly yell at each other, smack each other with parking meters… you know, your typical married couple.
But as they watch the credits, they notice something VERY interesting- the series was created by Ralph Bighead.

As it turns out, Rocko’s neighbors, the Bigheads had a son and have been estranged from him for a number of years. And the Fatheads were a caricature of them.
Rocko goes next door to ask if there’s any relation cuz of the show. Ed flat out denies it, screaming “I have no son!,” and slams the door on his face. Mrs. Bighead, meanwhile, tells Rocko the truth. Ralph is their son and they hasn’t seen or heard from him since a fateful day at Conglom-O. Ed wanted him to work there with him, but Ralph decides instead to move to Hollowood to become a cartoonist. Ed has since disowned him.

Mrs. Bighead kindly asks Rocko to find Ralph and invite him to their upcoming family reunion party. So he and Filbert take a road trip to Hollowood to do just that.
Of course it’s not an easy task, but there’s so many jokes along the way. (So many)

They arrive at the gate and are greeted by a smiley face on a stick, voiced by someone clearly doing their best Mickey Mouse impression. While there to see Ralph, they’re bullied into taking the studio tour.
All kinds of crazy things happen along the way. There’s one group of animators in a room with glass windows.
Rocko points out a sign- hey Filbert, don’t tap on the glass
Filbert- oh, ok Rocko (tap tap- glass shatters and everyone stares), oh boy…

The chameleon brothers happen to be in another studio with one using a camera while the other throws papers all over the place.
Rocko- oh so that’s how they do it
Rhino holding the smiley on a stick- (normal, none Mickey Mouse voice) no, those guys are just idiots

Truer words have never been spoken!!!

Finally they reach the best part.
In the eternal words of Yogurt from Spaceballs: merchandising, merchandising!
Filbert sees the stand, says “Toys” and goes into full nerd mode, wanting to buy everything in sight. The spree almost ends prematurely when he spots something expensive but decides “what the hay”… Rhino/smiley guy goes from sad face to cha-ching happy

Rocko then notices Ralph go by with his posse of yes men and pulls Filbert away. Rhino guy announces their total (some obscene number) but notices a little too late they’ve gone.

The two of them sneak into Ralph’s office with the yes men… who are promptly all fired on the spot.
Rocko essentially fails to get Ralph to agree to come and he goes on an epic rant of how he NEVER wants to see the two of them again. (Fun fact I just read: when Joe Murray had to actually audition to get this role, the other producers had him scream "Never!" multiple times because he usually wasn't the type of guy who screamed).

Part one ends with Filbert knocking on the door after they get thrown out.
Filbert- say cheese
Ralph- (one hand on the door) Cheese…
Photo only captures a closed door
Filbert- oh, fish sticks…

In part two, Rocko tries to tell Mrs. Bighead at the reunion he failed but isn’t able due to the fact he keeps getting thrown into crazy situations by some of the other Bigheads.
Ralph eventually shows up, telling an irate Ed Bighead “a little beaver guy came to Hollowood and said that you wanted me here.”
Ed tells him to get lost but before he leaves, he leaves half a donut on the table. This gets Ed’s attention immediately.
He calls him over, thrilled to pieces, “you kept it, you really do care about Conglom-O.”
“I didn’t keep it because I care about Conglom-O… because I care about you.”

Supposedly the donut is part of a sacred tradition in the Bighead family. When a father welcomes a son into the company, they break apart a donut as a way of dealing the deal.
Even all these years later, both of them kept their half of the donut.

Meanwhile, poor Rocko not only becomes a piñata but Ralph creates a character based on him in the Fatheads. An ugly looking beaver Mrs. Fathead calls “our disgusting neighbor Rollo.”
Filbert and the Bigheads are all at his house watching it with him but he’s the only one not laughing.

Cut to Heffer (who’d missed everything this entire episode) in the final scene- HEY!… I don’t get it.
He does get to leave his mark on Ralph Bighead’s follow up appearance and it’s not one to miss

Wacky Delly


Along with spring cleaning, probably the most well known episode of this series.

It begins with the finale of the Fatheads. This is something Ralph Bighead had wanted to see to completion for a LONG time. Making that cartoon has become soul crushing for him and he couldn’t wait to get started on his passion project.
Unfortunately he’s thrown into a pitfall a lot of people in the entertainment business have experienced. A little something called “fulfilling a contract.” The studio execs demand that he made one more cartoon series before he can move on.

He inevitably complains about this to his family with Rocko and his friends within earshot. Heffer’s like “how hard can that be?” And he does an impromptu puppet show with deli meats.
Slant-eyed, Filbert balks at how stupid that idea is. In fact, it’s so bad that it’ll get Ralph thrown out of his contract.
This, of course, is music to Ralph’s ears and he hires all three of them to make the cartoon for him. He gives them free range of his studio and a massive instruction manual “7,291 steps to making a cartoon.”

I won’t go through every step but there’s plenty of behind the scenes shenanigans as they’re finalizing characters and storyboards. Heffer and Filbert are constantly arguing over minute details and Rocko does his best to keep things moving on schedule.
The three characters are Sal-ami (heffer), Betty Bologna (Rocko) and Mr. Cheese (filbert).
One storyboard scene is super hilarious cuz all the tension gets to Rocko and we clearly see it on his face. They try to figure out if certain lines go to salami or cheese (or Cheese…) or if there’s a phone or doorbell before the “I hate bologna!” Line.
The best part of this scene.


Heffer- Hmm… I was thinking
Rocko- (irate, slowly turns around) Yes???!!
Heffer- (long pause). . . Do we really need the cheese at all?


Of course this leads to another fight, but that has to be the funniest dramatic pause ever.


The resulting cartoon is pure chaos. Just one unchanging background with the characters running all over the place almost on a loop.
Filbert has one line that’s completely deadpan… probably the only line that matters: “I am the cheese. I am the best character on this show. Better than the salami and bologna combined.”

To Ralph’s utter horror, the execs and the audience LOVE the show. (I mean, we all saw that coming, right?). So He spends the other half of the half hour doing everything he can to sabotage it… the only other cartoon character with more failed attempts at anything was Wile E. Coyote. Some of these include an entire segment focused on an idle jar of mayo and a black screen cuz he inadvertently exposed the film… and the audience can’t get enough. They love it so much he gets mobbed on his way to work and they literally steal the shirt off his back as well as parts from his car. 
In the end, what ultimately kills the show is when he animated it himself and tries to make an artistic statement. Within seconds of his nutcracker segment, the series is cancelled.

Fast forward years later, he finally completes his still life masterpiece somewhere in the southwest.
Some random hillbilly dude comes up to him and says “hey, that’s not bad. But have you ever seen wacky delly? The first season, that is, before that new guy came in and ruined it.”

Ouch…

I think I read somewhere that that was a reference to the downfall of Ren and Stimpy. But a lot of hit shows have suffered similar fates.


One of those shows is SpongeBob… we lost its creator Stephen Hillenberg a while ago but after he walked away from it a few years before that, many people say it hasn’t been the same.
——

It’d be a natural segue, considering he took over for Joe Murray in Rocko’s final season and took a bunch of the voice actors with him to SpongeBob. But there’s at least one other series I want to call attention to first.
It’s short lived, under appreciated… and I remember so little of it that it’ll only take one post to cover the basics.

Rocko's Modern Life- Part 4

Gonna do a bunch more here and save the final two episodes for another post. Both of them have something special in common.

For now, a couple of my all-time favorites as well as one of the best known episodes... even for casual fans of the series.

Wimp on the Barby

From the first time this segment aired, it became one of my favorites in the entire series. It’s a huge character arc for Rocko and also gives some interesting back story on him.

He gets a call from his parents saying that someone named Dingo is coming to visit him. Through flashbacks, we discover that Dingo was Rocko’s schoolyard bully who made his life so miserable and frightening that he moved all the way to America to get away from him.
His friends convince him he needs to face his fears head on and learn how to defend himself. A training montage follows and by the end of it, Rocko is absolutely ready to take him on.
The music that plays when Rocko goes to answer the door- it’s super dramatic and I’ve always loved it
But then something unexpected happens. Dingo has since found religion. He now goes by Foffy No-No and once he gets forgiveness he can become one with the unicorn. (There’s an actual unicorn in a car waiting for him in the street)
To make amends, he offers a bunch of random stuff like a blender, bacon in a box “and that’s not all, here’s 5 bucks” and he only asks for Rocko to punch him in the nose in exchange
Rocko confesses he’d been afraid of him his whole life and was prepared to stand up to him. He’s also learned that violence only makes things worse and doesn’t want to punch him.

“Please, friend Rocko…”
“Ok!”
And he does it.

But as he explains himself to Spunky, Dingo winds up getting jumped by Heffer and Filbert and the unicorn ditches him and leaves him to get what’s coming to him

Yarnbenders

This segment is one my sister and I still quote to this day. The self-aware writing and the jokes are a huge highlight of the entire series.
It begins where Rocko accidentally leaves Filbert (while he’s flipped over on his back) outside the rain, resulting him catching a cold. At first to make him feel better, Heffer suggests they put on the tv. Filbert comments how “my mother always used to read to me when I was sick.” Heffer’s comeback is so hilarious that we’ll say it anytime a situation calls for it. “Read? Are you nuts? Nobody reads anymore.”
Usually we say this to make fun of other people who devalue reading… we still love books in our house, my mom especially

Rocko dusts off The Really Really Big Book of Fairytales. The first story screeches to a halt because Filbert realizes it’s the one with porridge and porridge makes him nauseous.
Next, Rocko starts reading another one, “Once upon a time, there were two children in the woods. One was named Hansel and the other was…”
Heffer interjects “Debbie!”
Filbert’s interest is immediately piqued cuz he’d never heard that one before…

Believe me, nobody’s heard a fairytale quite like this one before. Rocko reads from the book and Heffer keeps adding random comments, almost like they’re playing mad libs. The two characters reach the witch’s house and go back and forth about whether it’s made of healthy snacks or pizza… Filbert settles the argument quickly, suggesting “you’re both wrong, the house is made of fish sticks.”
As the story continues forward, several other fairytales get through into the mix and the results are so good… trust me, you owe it to yourself to see it.

At one point the witch says after their captives escape, “I was gonna make espresso.” Was this a reference to Young Frankenstein? If so, the writers have really good taste.


Zanzibar!


This is one of those classic cartoon episodes EVERYONE remembers, even people that didn’t regularly watch Rocko… not only is it one of those classic 90's attempts to make people more environmentally conscious… it’s a musical! Lots of catchy tunes and random bursting into song. Anyone not a fan of this… consider yourself warned

Rocko wakes up to find everyone in O-Town singing about how it’s spring cleaning time. He’s as confused as we are, not knowing how it all came about. According to Heffer, they held rehearsals every Thursday so they all know the words. He also discovers that there’s going to be multiple songs.
Everyone heads to the dump to unload their trash and discover that it’s filled to capacity. Mr. Bighead is irate about the holdup and says there’s plenty of room “over there”- pointing to a pristine park nearby. Rocko stands up to him saying you can’t just throw your trash anywhere and how you need to take care of the environment.
We then get introduced to Captain Compost Heap who suggests a number of solutions to their predicament… in possibly the most catchy song ever written. I only remember the chorus...

In addition to recycling, he talks about chlorofluorocarbons eating the ozone layer and how deforestation will lead to less oxygen for us to breathe. We get to the end and Rocko sums it all up perfectly, “what a sappy song…”


Everyone bands together to do their part but soon discover one entity isn’t… the corporation known as Conglom-O. Rocko asks why everyone is so quick to give up after this. According to multiple people, they own everything. They even own city hall… “and you know what that means.”
Rocko guesses correctly when he groans to Heffer, “it’s gonna be another song, isn’t it?”
Sad but true- “you can’t fight city hall,” but as music continues to play in the background, Rocko inspires everyone to come with him to Conglom-O.

The next several minutes involve Rocko trying to convince the doorman to let them in. All while everyone else echoes his comments in song.
At one point, the doorman asks “how do you know the words?”
Heffer- “oh boy, he’s got you now, Rock.”
Rocko- “well, I don’t know the words.”
Unruly mob (in song)- “he doesn’t know the words…” Rocko (screams)- “shut up!!”
Doorman- “sorry I can’t let you in without an appointment.”
Rocko- “oh…”
Unruly mob (in song)- “I guess we’ll all go home.” And they leave him to fend for himself.

Rocko comes up the perfect comeback about how "our business keeps your business going" and the doorman finally lets him in: “ok, whatever…”
He speaks to the board of directors but has a little difficulty getting his point across. He hesitantly starts into one of the songs and one of the guys whispers to another “why is he spelling?”
Out of nowhere, the unruly mob busts into the boardroom and sings the full song. The boss finally agrees with a soft “ok…” Rocko gets carried out on the shoulders of the mob and they rejoice about how Rocko fought city hall
Ironically, Mr. Bighead is the head of the environmental department and has to close off the cooling stacks, stop the waste runoff into the rivers and last but not least, he needs to recycle
The entire neighborhood shows up the next day to thank him, but he wants none of it. He hated being forced into doing what he did and spouts his own song about not having the patience to recycle and it ends up him getting zapped by UV rays thanks to a hole in the ozone that coincidentally opens over his head.

Between this, Fern Gully and Captain Planet, they were REALLY into the environmental anti pollution thing in the 90s. In todays world, I think things have gotten way out of hand. For me, recycling and not littering is more than enough. Plus I have a yeti water bottle so I don’t use as many plastic bottles as I used to. Anything more than that is too expensive or simply asks way too much.

High Five of Doom


Talk about your imagination running away with you…

Filbert is seen earlier in the segment writing in a notebook. Heffer wants to see what he’s writing but Filbert refuses, stating it’s his private journal. It just so happens that Rocko comes across it when Filbert loses it. He vows to keep it safe and not infringe on Filbert’s privacy despite Heffer pestering him about it.
As you can imagine, curiosity does get the best of him. But he tries to be sneaky about it. He vacuums his living room and lifts up the table slightly so the book falls off the table.
“Oh dear, Filbert’s journal fell off the coffee table… and it didn’t open… thank goodness…” Don’t know why but I find his sarcasm here hilarious.
Just as Rocko is about to read one page, Heffer busts in and begs on his knees to see it. “I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I can’t even eat…” his stomach gurgles, “ok… I can eat.”
Rocko relents, suggesting “if I read just one page, will you be satisfied?” We all kinda know they won’t be able to stop at just one page.

Filbert’s writing isn’t just gripping, it becomes a little unsettling after a bit. It says he’s part of an alien race bent on world domination and their master plan is blowing people up by giving them high fives. The two of them do some recon and see filbert doing some of the things he mentioned in the book, like putting mustard under his arm pits. They also see him with antennae coming out of his head.
The next page is especially frightening and drives the rest of the story arc home. It says that he’s discovered that the two of them are onto his plans and must destroyed. Filbert shows up at that moment and they proceed to block the front door with every piece of furniture in the house… neglecting to lock the back door.
Filbert is overjoyed to find that rocko had his journal and suggests a high five. Of course Rocko and Heffer panic and everything comes out. Filbert laughs saying it’s not a real journal and snorts “I’m not an alien.” They ask him about the odd behavior they witnessed and he easily explains them. Like how putting the tv antenna on his head gives him good reception anywhere and “why spend money on cologne when mustard is free?”
The rest… you’ll have to see and find out for yourself cuz it’s kinda open for interpretation

Dear John


Another series classic we still quote to this day.

A random government satellite falls through Rocko’s roof, destroying his kitchen. As one might expect, not only does the government refuse to compensate him, they explicitly deny anything happened at all. His insurance agent happens to be a hyena and naturally laughs at the matter, unable to do anything to help. This puts Rocko in a bind because he’s holding a party soon and needs to find a solution fast.

He and Heffer go to the local home and garden expo for other ideas. One is playing a game show to win a kitchen. Rocko wins easily but what they don’t tell him is that he has to keep winning games in order to find the entire kitchen. His prize for winning the first game is a spoon… so yeah, he’s got no time. The two of them come away with a do it yourself book on kitchens and bathrooms and proceed to do just that… except they accidentally turned the kitchen into a bathroom
He ultimately hires tv personality Bob "Bucky" Taylor (gee, I wonder who he’s based off of) to do the job for them. What happens is easily one of the best joke in the entire series.


"My living room, it's a bathroom. My closet is a bathroom. My basement is a bathroom! My ballroom is a bathroom!! EVEN MY BATHROOM IS A BATHROOM! Well, I guess that's okay..."

Rocko then finds the perfect solution: making the party a tribute to bathrooms with all the guests wearing towels. Filbert asks for the little turtle’s room but is having trouble cuz people are in all the rooms. Rocko suggests the garage and it winds up being the perfect solution

An Elk for Heffer

Filbert’s rite into adulthood was returning to his birthplace: Kerplopacos island. Anything he fights cuz he doesn’t want to become an adult but nature has other plans. For Heffer, things are slightly more complicated.

Because Heffer’s family are wolves, his dad is part of an important council. According to their laws, whether he’s a wolf or not, Heffer has to bring an elk home for dinner in order to be inducted into the pack as an adult.
He accepts the task, but it’s not explained to him very well… he asks Rocko when he can find an elk and he suggests the local elks' club.
After putting on fake antlers in order to get in, he meets Elkie… and they fall madly in love.

One mushy montage later, he asks her to dinner with his family.

This is where things go off the rails. Elkie gets over the initial shock that his family are wolves. Meanwhile, his parents have a classic conversation
George mutters under his breath, “Honey, she’s still alive.” And Virginia says that they’re lucky he got her there at all.
Next, Elkie is shocked to discover Heffer isn’t an elk… he’d had the “antlers” on as long as they’ve been dating. In response to her remarks, his dad counters with, “what, he’s not good enough for you or something? He’s not a wolf but we love him anyway.”
That’s when Virginia makes a comment about getting Elkie into the oven. Heffer is completely blindsided and she has the best response, “I ain’t getting in any oven!”
Heffer sees her out, apologizing but she decides they can’t be together because they’re different species
His dad commends him for standing up for himself and comes up with a good backup plan. A secret only known to them, their elk dinner is vegetarian elk substitute

Rocko's Modern Life: Part 3

Wallaby on Wheels

Rocko spends a good amount of the series harboring feelings for his next door neighbor, Melba Toast (I actually didn’t find out until years later that that’s the name of a food, haha). But after finding out she has a boyfriend, Rocko is heartbroken and makes other attempts at finding love. I think on the same episode he learns the truth, Heffer signs him up for a dating show… only for them to win a date with each other because the producers needed Heffer to fill in the third slot…
Anyway, this segment has another instance where Rocko falls in love and has a decent chance at getting the girl’s attention. Unfortunately, he gets himself in a precarious situation because he wants to impress her.
He first sees Sheila (yeah I know, they had to find an excuse for Rocko, an Australian, to call a girl Sheila because, according to the Wild Thornberries that's what Aussies call girls) at the comic book store. Heffer knows her from the roller rink (one of many random hobbies he has) and offers to introduce Rocko to her. 
I know roller rinks came into prominence around the time of Xanadu and earlier… but in the 90's it was such a huge thing that every kid had at least one birthday party there. I was never terribly good at skating, although I was decent on roller blades in gym class.

Rocko is very uncoordinated on skates and he’s nervous Sheila won’t like him if she finds that out. Adding insult to injury, Heffer is kind of a big deal at the rink and does a solo performance that wows everyone. In order to compensate for his inadequacy, Rocko wants to one-up him by doing the obstacle course. Easier said than done and Heffer has to save him when he careens out of control into town… but then the tables turn and Rocko has to save Heffer right back. This time he gets to impress Sheila with something he’s really good at- jackhammering.

And Sheila is never seen again... too bad cuz she was pretty cool. 

Eyes Capades

Rocko is taking part in a major jackhammer competition, but while training for the event, he discovers that he needs glasses. And with jackhammering being what it is, it creates a series of problems…
Honestly, this plot line feels very random and it’s never brought up again. I just found it strange that he passes his eye exam on the way to get his license in “Skid Marks” and now that he has to compete, they’re suddenly in bad shape?
There comes a point where things look hopeless and he might not be able to compete at all. But then we see him the next day at the main event and he does an incredible job. Heffer asks how he did without his glasses and Rocko simply says “I didn’t”… he went back to the optometrist and got contacts. Why they didn’t start there, I don't know, but it makes a good story about overcoming adversity
There’s also a funny moment where a famous jackhammer dude congratulates him and says he’s got contacts too. Then off the field, he wears glasses and says how they make him look intellectual. Some random person comes up to him and says “excuse me, are you an intellectual?” 

“See what I mean. Why yes, yes I am” (don’t know why I found that funny. It’s just a random moment I completely forgot about until just now)
And just like that, Rocko’s eyes or contacts are just mentioned again… but that’s fine 

The Emperor's New Joe

The new hot spot in O-Town is a new coffee shop run by the chameleon brothers. It's one of those groovy clubs with poetry readings and patrons snap their fingers instead of applauding.

Their new trend is coffee. However, when Rocko has a cup, he has a very strong reaction to it. “This isn’t coffee!” To avert any major fallout, Chuck and Leon take Rocko into the back room to explain the history of their coffee.
The story takes place in their old country of Balzack that was run by an emperor (who looks oddly similiar to Heffer) obsessed with being trendy, no matter how ridiculous. But when he wants coffee, the brothers try to explain there is none in their country. This lands them in jail until they get some. In actuality their coffee is grimy water a fellow prisoner (who looks oddly like Filbert) used to wash his socks. Then a short time later, the two of them ran off to America to make a new life for themselves.
Despite being moved by their story, Rocko gets on soap box to say America isn’t run by a czar and everyone has freedom to do as they choose. It’s a pretty epic speech (the most patriotic I’d heard on any Nick show)… but he gets thrown out anyway
“Ok ok, you don’t have to drink the coffee! Come back tomorrow and try the cheesecake.” As soon as they close the door behind them, a patron yells, “hey, this isn’t cheesecake!” and the cycle starts all over again. 

Every now and then, we still say that line about cheesecake to this day, haha

Camera Shy

Rocko rents a video camera from the chameleon brothers. With the aid of Heffer and Filbert, he wants to record something to send to his parents back in Australia. Just to show them his life and that he’s doing well. Naturally it’s not quite that simple and all kinds of miscues and shenanigans happen along the way
The most memorable of these- Rocko calls it a night but Heffer and Filbert still have the camera. So the two of them decide to play a little joke- Rocko apparently comes downstairs at the same time every night and drinks milk straight out of the carton. To top it all off, he’s in the nude
Next day, they return the camera and the footage. But knowing the chameleons, you know you’re not getting exactly what you asked for. Rocko comes into their coffee shop, shocked at the nude footage (complete with censor bar, lol) and the fact they made an artsy independent film out of it. Even worse, the film sold out so the three of them need to get back every single copy. As they’re erasing them, Rocko is horrified to discover his parents saw the film at the Australian film festival. But they send him a letter saying they loved it and they asked him to autograph some censor bars for their friends.The film also won first prize at the film festival.

Rocko's Modern Life: Part 2

For some reason,  I decided to go through a bunch of episodes involving Heffer or were otherwise initiated by something he did or didn't do.
Maybe I didn't realize it until looking back, but there were times where he kinda annoyed me. Whether he was being selfish or plain idiotic... but he's also one of the most loyal friends a person can have. As well as the type that would push you to do things outside of your comfort zone because they know you'll regret not trying. 

Put Out to Pasture

If you’ve watched this series for any stretch of time, you’re aware of Heffer and his love of pasture puffies. If this post was sponsored by Noom (which it isn’t), I’d go in detail about how his voracious appetite came from years of “food pushing” from his adopted family. According to Mrs. Wolfe, when they took him in as a kid with the intention of eating him: “you were a little skinny so we decided to fatten you up. But then we grew to love you…” Through the series, there’d been multiple occasions where his overeating not only got him into trouble but it’s harmed others around him.

This story arc is notable because of its flashbacks. Heffer more or less overdosed on his favorite snack food so he’s in the hospital for some sort of food coma. The most significant flashback was when the trio all met in high school and had to work together on a science project. While working late in the classroom on their own, they share a bag of chips. Rocko divvies them out like playing cards and Heffer eats them as he gets them. Then he gets upset when he sees the others with their chips and his are already gone. Rocko tries (and fails) to explain he’d already eaten them, but offers to share his. You can see where this is going…
Filbert’s reactions are over the top but still pretty hilarious. When he insists, “I’ve got plans for these chips!” he wasn’t kidding… he holds them in his hands like playing cards, swapping them around for various future activities. Heffer blows a gasket and assaults Filbert to take them for himself. This brings about Filbert’s own measure of assault, trying to stuff as much down Heffer’s gullet as possible. Inevitably, this includes the light bulb (cuz, big shocker, he already ate the potato)… but to their amazement, the light bulb is glowing in his mouth. So Rocko and Filbert stuff all kinds of potato products into Heffer in an effort to save the project. At first it appears not to work but then the whole block experiences a blackout and the light from their lightbulb can be seen shining for miles. So… they got an A+
At this point Heffer revives and they know he’ll be ok. But right after they’re grateful, everyone spews anger at him and leaves. He then takes out a bag of chips he’d hidden to binge some more and a disgruntled Rocko confiscated them.
Apparently, there's also a flashback (completely forgot about this one) where Filbert works at a grocery store and his manager warns him not to let Heffer eat all of the free samples. He has such a reputation for this, there are actual wanted posters of him and he employs a variety of disguises.

Tooth and Nail

Two common defense mechanisms for any bad habit are denial and deflection… both of which are explored here. During my most recent watch of this segment, I left it a little more frustrated than satisfied with its outcome. It all begins at a scratch n sniff restaurant where you order based on how various items on the menu smell... apparently 3M patented the "scratch n sniff" technology back in 1965, but I remember it being a common thing when I was a kid in the 90's.

While at this restaurant, Rocko points out how Heffer is so fat, he barely fits into the booth and he needs to get control of it. They go back and forth about whether or not he has a problem. Then they discover Rocko is having trouble using his card because he basically has nubs for nails. Heffer completely turns the tables on Rocko and says HE needs to get control of HIS problem. In his frustration, Rocko runs off with his signature scream “I don’t have a problem!!! Dahhh!” and Heffer and Filbert bemoan, “he’s got a problem...”
Maybe I should pay more attention if I ever watch the series again cuz I don’t really remember Rocko biting his nails that much… granted, it’s an issue that needs to be resolved and it eventually is. It just makes me mad that they could’ve staged an intervention for Heffer and it never happens because he slyly shifts the focus away from himself.

How Rocko’s problem is resolved is probably the craziest 12 step program ever. He buys the program from the chameleon brothers. On the first step, he's forced (more like threatened, actually) to admit his problem and 6 of the characters in the program hightail it to Vegas because nail biting is only a 6 step problem. What ensues is a bunch of random animation sequences- like shave the weasel and swish the fish.
When Rocko finally questions the point of all this, Step 5 jokes, “well, nothing really. We’re just having a little bit of fun” and then step 6 is kinda like the Ghost of Christmas Future except this dude talks. The scene Rocko sees is Heffer and Filbert finding him in a dumpster where he’s chewing the nails off mannequin toes like a mad man. Ultimately, he snaps out of it and everything is ok
There’s a funny final scene with the other 6 steps at Vegas. Everyone is on the curb because they’re all broke. One guy comments how they can hock one of their friends for a couple of bucks and the “you’ve got a problem/no, I don’t” saga continues… it’s kinda nuts how they went into gambling and addiction on a kids' show, but at least it’s better than all the innuendo stuff.

Tickled Pinky

Another opportunity for Heffer to get control of his problem happens here as a result of a medical emergency involving Rocko. The two of them are at a jackhammer expo (one of Rocko’s biggest interests) when Rocko’s appendix gets sick. Heffer rushes him to the hospital on foot because the ambulance beavers picked up the fallen jack hammer by mistake ( :sigh: "I hate when that happens"). Once there, Heffer collapses after mumbling he’s too fat. The receptionist calls for help, “pick up in reception… too fat.” The beaver paramedics come back out to pick him up and it’s hard not to laugh when their “hups” screech down to a snail's pace. That’s karma for you… in the next room titled “liposuction” the surgeon’s like, “good lord, get me that sucker!”

Poor Rocko has to fill out a mountain of paperwork before he can be seen. Luckily, there’s a friendly face waiting for him in the examination room. Dr. Hutchison in her 2nd post of the series ("I thought you were a dentist."/"Well, I was, but I was getting tired of looking down in the mouth."). The way she explains his pain with the metaphor of lightning bolts and how they need to get him some wavy lines (for relief) is pretty cool. A lot of the writing is also really good, giving Rocko’s organs different personalities and how they explain the condition of his appendix as it being out sick from school.
After he passes out from the pain, he has a dream of spending time with Pinky (his appendix), doing everything on its bucket list before it has to leave. And it’s kind of an emotional goodbye too
The final scene is Rocko burying Pinky (“you put me in a jar?”) and learning he’ll have his tonsils and baby teeth for company. Then Heffer shows up, extremely skinny and his fat groans as it flies off to heaven “I didn’t even get to go the carnival…” but then we see Heffer in future episodes and he’s back to normal.

This cartoon was the first time I'd heard about appenditicis being a thing... and it's always been a source of paranoia for me. Like the appendix is like a ticking time bomb and for some people, it goes off and you need emergency surgery before it kills you. Any time I experience any sort of pain in that area, it comes to mind that this could be it. It's not a regular occurrence, but that doesn't make me any less paranoid about it.
I swear, the next time I need any sort of surgery and they're in the neighborhood, I kinda wanna tack that on, just so I can stop worrying about it.
It's also worth noting that Rocko is an incredible amount of pain throughout this and the fact the hospital isn't quick to address it... it's a bit worrisome.

Schnit Heads

First off... how'd they get away for THAT title on a kid's show?

One of the most memorable segments in the whole series.
Heffer gets recruited to join… essentially a sausage cult. All because he was avidly enjoying the food at their restaurant. This kind of cult eats sausages for every meal, every day of the week. Eventually, it reaches a point where Heffer diverts from the menu.

“Pizza... I was getting a little tired of sausage so I ordered out.”

Then he gets reprimanded ("We don’t eat pizza here, brother… we never get tired of sausage. We LOVE sausage”) and he’s forced into hard labor as punishment.
So… two questions. If this is a bad thing, why’d they allow any sort of food delivery in the first place? And is sausage pizza off limits too?
Rocko discovers this and Filbert (after saying the hilariously suggestive line “sausage can be very seductive”) offers to help. Then their Trojan horse inspired plan goes array and they all get saved by residential superhero Really Really Big Man.
Heffer ultimately comes away with one lesson- “all that's shiny is not sausage… or something.”

Rocko's Modern Life: Part 1

I'm not doing these storylines in any specific order... 

These first 4 happen to be the ones I have the least to say about.

Skid Marks

The whole thing begins with a car chase being broadcast on live TV.
It winds up being Rocko’s car and the police find an escaped convict in the trunk. The car gets impounded because of this and the fact its gas cap is missing. So to get his car back, Rocko has to take Driver's Ed.

Through all the courses, the teachers keep saying, “don’t get the fat guy.” Come driver's test time, he gets a fat elephant as his instructor and they simulate driving while on foot. (One funny joke- there's a sign saying “Slow Children at Play”- it’s a couple of kids playing catch in slow motion).
Then something dramatic happens and the teacher is rendered hysterical, but says Rocko passed the test. The chameleon brothers (who see do several jobs throughout the series) take his picture and explain to him. “Oh no, that’s not the fat guy. (Points) THAT’S the fat guy.” (It’s a large pig that stomps around, fat oozes from his backside and smothers any nearby people).

So Rocko is all set to go, but then he can’t pick up his car because his gas cap is still missing… why that’s such a big deal, I have no idea. Then again, all of our gas caps are on leashes nowadays.
Turns out the criminal they arrested moments earlier had taken it and is forced to apologize. One funny final comment is between a father and son. 

“Daddy, daddy, teacher says ‘every time a gas cap is found, an angel gets its wings.”

"Your teacher’s full of snot.”

While on the driving topic, I thought I'd go into:

Driving Mrs. Wolfe

Heffer’s dad gets a new car but forbids anyone else to drive it. Something about this inspires Heffer’s mom to want to learn how to drive so he offers to teach her. His efforts seem to be all in vain because she's a klutz on the road, but she eventually gets the hang of it. 

This whole episode is memorable because of one running gag. Rocko gets pretty neurotic about Mrs. Wolfe being inept about driving and a couple times when this lands them in a dangerous situation, he screams for them to move… oblivious to what’s going on around her, she gives him grief for yelling and, at least once, says “we’re not going anywhere unless you change your tone.” Hesitantly he says “Mrs Wolfe, please…” and she’s like “ok since you asked nicely”.

No idea why I found that so hilarious but I do. That’s such a mom thing to say.

Bye, Bye, Birdie

Filbert is going to the hospital to have tests done. So he entrusts his pet bird Turdy to Rocko until he returns.
Plain and simple, the bird is a jerk and gets Rocko and Heffer in all kinds of trouble. He’s such a nuisance that there’s a montage of people coming to his house to report the bird’s various crimes. And there’s this one guy who keeps saying “keep your bird away from MY monkey…"

So anyway, after Rocko (now chained to Turdy to keep a closer eye on him) gives the bird a lecture for all the trouble he’d caused, Heffer accidentally sits on the bird, killing him. They panic and don’t know how to break it to Filbert. Then Filbert gets sent home early, to his utmost chagrin.
“The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with me. (Throws hospital band on the ground) Fools…”
Yeah, he’s the only person on the planet that gets excited about medical tests and would have that reaction to a lack of diagnosis.

Rocko starts to apologize, but Filbert explains that Turdy is a rare species of myna with a short 3-week life span… Heffer breaks the tension a second later (“did you tell him I sat on it?”)
Then the monkey guy comes back (after they bury the bird “at sky”) to drop off a shoebox, grumbling “Here, I ain’t dealing with it." So… apparently, Turdy and his monkey got together and now Filbert has a whole family of monkey birds. I mean, this is the same series where Filbert marries a cat (Dr. Hutchison) and they have an egg with 4 babies: 2 turtles, a cat and a cow that looks like Heffer but with glasses… I’m just gonna assume it’s because Heffer helped incubate the egg… the show certainly didn’t dwell on that turn of events too long. But unlike those children, we never see fur or feather from the monkey birds after this story arc ends.

Also, I didn't realize until very recently... Turdy's name should've been a huge clue that the bird was gonna have a crappy attitude. (Sorry, couldn't help myself, haha)

Future Schlock

20 years or so in the future, Filbert’s children are all grown up. They’re investigating things at Rocko’s old house and find a banana abandoned in the refrigerator. They also find an old photo of the trio and them as babies. 

Norbert points to Heffer, asking who that is. Gilbert says, “that’s uncle Heffer, the one you take after.” Norbert quickly balks, “whadda ya mean?” (I mean, it’s obvious to the rest of us, right?)

They go to Filbert for answers and we learn he’s 38… the way he was acting makes it seem like he's a lot older, geesh…
Eventually, they get around to asking, “oh father, why would anybody put a banana in the refrigerizer?” 

We ultimately get a bunch of flashbacks from the time of the photo. The banana reminds him of how Rocko and “that fat guy” (“uncle Heffer?”/"yes... Uncle Heffer"…) disappeared.
At the end, they do come back. They'd been in space, along with a monkey Ed wanted to send into space, and a race of intelligent bananas. The wrinkly old banana that had been in the fridge (thanks to Filbert, apparently) was their leader. Mr. Bighead shows up, saying how that's his rocket and he gets abducted by the monkey and the bananas.

Even with the wiki in front of me, a lot of this doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I still love that “refrigerizer” line.

Rocko's Modern Life: Introduction

Behind Hey Arnold!, Rocko is probably my 2nd favorite Nicktoons series… ok, maybe tied with Doug for 2nd cuz of the nostalgia factor.

I honestly can’t explain what about Rocko made me love the show so much. Maybe the animal characters and I love animals. Probably the jokes and the humor. It’s chock full of quotable lines we still say to this day.

The show stars an Australian wallaby named Rocko and it focuses on his various antics as he makes a new life for himself in America. Really, the show could’ve taken place on any continent and it wouldn't have made a difference. Only once or twice does Rocko being an immigrant get brought up. Usually, it involves him missing his family.

Along with him, there’s additional focus on his best friends Heffer (a steer) and Filbert (a turtle) and his next door neighbors, the Bigheads (both hilariously voiced by Charlie Adler).

Quick fun fact- two of the voice actors from the series voiced Spyro the dragon from the video game franchise. As a HUGE fan of that series, I will always appreciate Carlos Alazraqui and Tom Kenny for their contributions to it.

Another notable thing that needs to be addressed: the humor of the show is great, but it’s arguably funnier as an adult. Firstly, you’re more likely to have gone through these shenanigans in your own life once you reach a certain age… and you’ll also be amazed by how much this innuendo-laden series got away with.

Prime example I won’t get to mention otherwise:

In “Canned,” Rocko is trying out for various jobs until he finally get hired at Kind of a Lot O' Comics. One is a plumbers assistant where he’s essentially there to pull up the plumber’s pants cuz it keeps dropping and exposing his plumber’s butt (“hey, can you get that? Thanks a lot”...)

But by far the funniest (and possibly most disturbing)...

“Oh baby (x3)”

“Rocko?”

“Mrs. Bighead?”

[both slam their phones down]

That wasn’t the last incident involving Mrs. Bighead that raised eyebrows. One time ["Leap Frogs"] she hires Rocko to do house work for her and Mr. Bighead walks in when she’s paying him and one (or both of them, I forget) is wearing a robe cuz their clothes got ruined. I believe this is one of a few episodes that got skipped over in syndication cuz it was too suggestive.
[I read further into the plot-- she did invite him over to do favors because she was feeling neglected by her husband, so yeah... some weird stuff with Rocko and Mrs. Bighead has happened on this show. I'm still learning things]

Another scene in another episode ["The Good, The Bad, and The Wallaby"].. Rocko is with a relative at a farm and Heffer has to stay in a barn with the other cows. A farmer comes in to milk the cows with a machine and at one point attaches it to him. Let’s just say his pleasurable reaction to it reads a lot differently when you’re an adult… so yeah that happened.
[According to a wiki page about censorship with this series, there were supposed to be hearts in his eyes during this scene and it was changed to stars... either way, this whole scene plus Heffer saying goodybe to the milking machine were completely taken out in syndication]


Anyway, I’m going to keep this series to a top 20 format. Maybe not in an exact order, but it’ll include most of my memorable moments from across the series.

Nicktoons: Halloween Edition

 As promised, I wanted to talk about a few Halloween episodes from some of the Nickelodeon shows I grew up with.

Rugrats: Candy Bar Creep Show

I had to look through the wiki for a refresher. The only thing I really remembered was Angelica telling the babies about the Reptar candy bars and how they turn your tongue green.

There's a haunted house at the Pickles house and the trick or treaters are being taken through there. The babies think that screaming will get them Reptar bars and decide they need to go inside the haunted house to do so. When they do, they get into the decorations and wind up scaring the group of kids Angelica is with. And they are able to get Reptar bars because the kids are scared so badly they drop their bags of candy. 

Doug's Halloween Adventure

YouTube had this posted and it was fun getting to see this one again. I think I'd only seen it a handful of times.

The episode begins with a commerical promoting the new ride in Funky Town- Bloodstone Manor. Doug and Skeeter both get tickets to go to it on opening night. But after hearing about the story it was based on, Doug chickens out. He instead suggests to Skeeter they go trick or treating. 

Skeeter is dressed as a spaceship from the Space Munks video game (the same one from "Doug's Lost Weekend") and when he pushes a button, it comes apart- the pieces are attached by springs. 

Doug is Race Canyon, which is a character based off Indiana Jones. 
I also find it a little strange that his Race Canyon persona gets to sit at the round table in the Christmas episode with Smash Adams and Quailman... but he's only appeared this one time. (It's all part of a daydream sequence where Doug talks with his alter egos to figure out how to save Porkchop).

Eventually Doug and Skeeter get to Funky Town, but they just miss the cut-off to get inside before the park closes. 
But they decide to go in anyway. Roger is there as well. Despite his prior attempts to scare them, he's the one who's the most afraid of the ride. They have to first cross the threshold of death, which looks like a floor opening to a bottomless pit. But it turns out to be an illusion- it's all glass. 

Then they get into a cart and run through various scary attractions. But then the ride stops midway through because the park closes at 10 o'clock. Despite Roger's insistences, they get out of the cart and try to find someone that'll help them leave.

Then Roger disappears out of nowhere... Doug and Skeeter run into the spooky host of the place and he orders them to leave. But Doug decides that they can't leave without Roger or he'd never be able to live with himself. He'd played chicken one time too many that night already.

So the guy shows them his control room downstairs... and they find out that Roger tricked them in an effort to scare them. But they get him back big time. Thanks to the host's special effects, they masquerade as ghosts and frighten him into leaving the park. 

Hey Arnold's Halloween

Two stories are going on simultaneously: Helga, Harold and a bunch of the kids coordinate their costumes and decide to dress up as aliens for Halloween. 
Meanwhile, Arnold and Gerald are fully aware of this fact and decide to do a "War of the Worlds" broadcast to coincide with this. Unfortunately, they make their narrative a little too convincing...  one thing that helped their cause was that the anchor of a local alien conspiracy channel picks it up and broacasts it to a wider audience. (He's memorable in my head because he sounds exactly like The Brain from Pinky & The Brain from Animaniacs- Maurice LaMarche is the voice actor's name...clearly I'm a huge nerd cuz I knew that and I also spelled his name perfectly without having to try)

To top it all off, Harold had the bright idea to use permanent paint for their costumes. I forget the exact quote, but it's something like: "yeah, the paint I got had something called 'permanent' because I thought we'd be out all night."
And Helga's dad is one of those types that isn't afraid of aliens and actually takes matters into his own hands to "exterminate" them. 

Stinky is also in the broadcast prank. He'd rigged the watertower with lights so it would look like a spaceship. When he crosses paths with the other kids, he makes a comment about Arnold's idea. 
Helga is [obviously] not pleased. 

"ARNOLD!!"

...

Arnold: Did you hear something just now?
Gerald: Nope...

...

Things escalate so much that the climax happens at the watertower and Big Bob Pataki is about to strangle Helga to death... then the watertower bursts when someone throws a projectile at it to attack the "aliens" and the water washes the makeup off, prompting him to stop. 

Yikes... 
A brilliant prank for sure, but not one Arnold wants to repeat in the future. 

Hey Arnold!: The Headless Cabbie

Arnold is hosting a sleepover with Gerald, Harold, Stinky and Sid. They swap scary stories before bedtime and Arnold tells one he heard from Grandpa.

The story goes that a woman goes to the park, looking for her lost Scottie dog, and she gets a ride from a horse and carriage. As the ride progresses, she gets more and more manic, urging the cabbie to go after the dog she sees ahead of them. But he's so caught up in the action, he's unaware of the low branch of a nearby tree. His scarf wraps around it and the force is so strong that he winds up decapitated. 
And legend has it you'll go through the park at night and still hear the barking Scottie dog and the manic laugh of the lady. 

It's still early in the evening and the guys all agree to get ice cream. But Harold is still freaked out about the story and doesn't want them to take the shortcut through the park. A series of concidences makes him edgier. This includes what sounds like carriage wheels against cobblestones, but it turns out to be Eugene who is clogging... clogging in the middle of the night in the park... yeah, I don't get it either. And they also come across a Scottie dog and Stinky decides they should take it with them.

All of this leads up to them coming across a carriage that looks like it's being driven by a headless cabbie and there's someone laughing manically next to him. Everyone starts to run away, but then the driver calls after them.
"Hey, wait, it's me, Ernie!"

Yeah, Ernie Potts is driving carriages for a little extra cash. And the creepy laugh wound up being Mr. Hyunh. 

But then at the end, after the kids and Ernie part ways, he picks up another customer.
A lady that's looking for her Scottie dog. And she hands Ernie a scarf before they go into the park. 

... yeah, it just ends there... and we never find out whether the story winds up happening for real or not. 

***

Rocko's Modern Life: Sugar Frosted Frights

I haven't talked about Rocko yet, but that'll be coming soon enough.

I kinda forgot this episode existed until I got the season 3 DVD set for Christmas last year. 

Rocko is dressed as Really Really Big Man and Heffer just has a glow-in-the-dark Jack-o-Lantern pattern on his stomach. They go over to Filbert's house to find it decked out with toilet paper and dozens of "No Trespassing" signs. 
They go inside to get him to come out of his shell... literally. And he tells them about why he's afraid of Halloween. When he was a kid, his parents alway went to parties on Halloween and left him with his Crazy Aunt Gretchen. (Supposedly she was born in an aquarium and never wanted to leave so she literally lives inside of a life-sized fish tank with only her legs sticking out of it).
But her story was that candy is poison and if you touch a single piece, you'll die. 
Filbert, who is pretty much afraid of everything, takes this to heart and just never knew any better.

Ultimately, he goes with Rocko and Heffer to go trick or treating. He eats his first piece of candy and goes completely mental. Not quite as bad as Beavis turning into Cornholio when he overdoses on sugar and caffeine, but he does kinda terrorize the neighborhood for a few minutes of the segment. There's even a scene that parodies "Night on Bald Mountain" where he towers over the town and munches on all of the candy he can get his hands on.

In the background, there's also the legend of the Hopping Hessian. The trio, during their gallivanting, wind up in a part of town associated with him. There's a bridge and "the old photo booth". They come face to face with the Hopping Hessian and it looks like he'd caught up to them.

The episode then fast-forwards to next year's Halloween. Filbert comes over to Rocko's and finds the ghost, Gordon the foot, and Heffer all viewing a slideshow of photos from the previous Halloween. And they're all hanging out like they're best friends... yeah, random and weird.

Then at the end, Filbert says, "wait just a gosh darn minute... who took all of those photos?" 
...because there's a photo with all of them in it. 

Ed's Dead: A Thriller

Part two of the same episode.

Rocko notices that his neighbors, the Bigheads, had been arguing more than usual. 

The next thing he knows, he overhears a terrifying skuffle where Mr. Bighead is begging for mercy. The next morning, it's eerily quiet nextdoor. Mr. Bighead is nowhere to be found and Mrs. Bighead is doing some things that look suspicious. Like burying something in an Ed-shaped hole in the ground. And the hedges she'd clipped the other day read "Kill Ed" when lighning flashes. 

As it turns out, she'd been doing a meat sculpture of his likeness for art class. And Ed was missing because he'd gone to the hospital to get a wart removed. 

But for a while, it was looking like another Alfred Hitchcock movie. 

Fortune Cookie

This isn't Halloween-related, but it's close enough... it has to do with bad luck.

Filbert gets chosen to be the next Mr. Lucky for this show, Mega-Spin. Where he will spin a wheel and have a chance at winning a new trailer home.

Before that, though, he goes to a Chinese restaurant with Rocko and Heffer. At the end of the meal, they all have fortune cookies. 

Filbert's reads: Bad luck and misfortune will haunt your pathetic soul for all eternity

The next thing he knows, he runs into every unlucky thing you can imagine. A bunch of black cats start following him. He goes under ladders. Mirrors break. And Really Really Big Man's attempt to talk an irate pigeon off a ledge goes completely array.

Filbert tells Rocko what happens and Rocko tries his best to convince him that it's all in his head. The trio goes back to the Chinese restaurant and get more fortune cookies. For some reason, Filbert keeps getting the same fortune over and over and over and over again... 

But then another brilliant idea comes to light: there happens to be a gift shop full of good luck charms. So when Filbert goes on Mega-Spin, he is decked out on all of the good luck stuff he could fit on his person. The wheel goes off its hinges and causes untold havoc. But in the end, it falls back into position and it lands on the one lucky space on the entire wheel. 

Rocko's such a great series. Can't wait to talk about that one too. But this last episode, it's always been one of the most memorable for me.