To put it bluntly, her home life sucks. The Patakis may have a roof over their head and food on the table (well, except for those one or two times but more on that later), but Helga’s love for her parents isn’t what it should be. Her dad, Big Bob the Beeper King, is stubborn, has a short fuse and 99% of the time, he’ll call her by the wrong name. And her mom, she’s around the house all the time but still manages to be absentee parent of the year. People who’ve read more into kids shows than I typically do have said that Miriam is an alcoholic and I think the show runners eventually confirmed this to be true in interviews.
Then there’s her overachieving big sister Olga… she’ll be getting her own post because she’s one of my favorite characters despite how she can be over dramatic at times.
The point is Helga doesn’t get along with her parents and the worst thing they regularly do is ignore her.
One strange thing that recurs in their relationship that I didn’t even pick up on until I read it from someone else- there’s a pattern where things have a chance to change for the better, but through her own actions, Helga prevents them from doing so and the cycle resumed as if nothing happened.
Since I bring this point up, I’ll highlight one episode where this occurs straight off the bat.
Helga’s Nanny
In one episode, her dad hires a nanny because he's working and her mom has to do community service for the local animal shelter.
Right away, Helga doesn't give Inga a chance. She's very strict about maintaining a proper nutritional diet, dressing Helga in proper clothes and keeping her on top of her homework. She’s not nearly as bad as Mrs. Stinson was in Doug- Inga never called the cops on Helga for breaking curfew. Although she does show up when she’s in the middle of a baseball game because she didn’t come straight home. Then as her friends spend time with her, they like her right away. What kinda sets Helga over the edge is overhearing Arnold admiring her.
Despite Helga’s insistence that Inga is too perfect, Phoebe says she probably makes mistakes like everyone else.
Helga replies “not enough of them…”
So she embarks on a mission to fabricate mistakes for Inga- but she’s overdone every time. Like she cranks up the oven too hot to ruin a casserole and Inga unveils backup portions in the fridge.
After the third attempt, Inga remarks with the most subtle sarcasm how there seems to be a little raincloud following her everywhere.
Then Helga remembers that her dad has a huge beeper sale coming up and he never runs them unless he’s wearing his lucky white belt with the diamond buckle…
You can see where this is going…
Inga professes her innocence and asks Helga for help, only for her to produce crocodile tears on cue.
The aftermath isn’t quite what she expects, though.
She tells her friends the whole truth of what happened and gets zero sympathy. Her dad mourns the fact that things around the house aren’t running as smoothly without her and it’s too bad she ended up being a common thief.
Then she has a dream where Inga is starving in the park cuz nobody will hire her and fights off pigeons for bread crumbs.
Back in reality, she cross her path again and confesses what she did. Inga says she knew and has an unsettling warning for her.
“There’s no excuse for what you did and you must face the consequences.”
“What consequences? I got away with it, didn’t I?”
“You’re such an angry girl, Helga and you won’t let anyone help you. So you must live with your unhappiness.”
Curiously, she leaves behind a piece of needlepoint she was working on. She’d been teaching Helga a little bit and based on the final scene, it might be a hobby she’ll continue in the future. Inga did say it was a good way to calm her nerves…
But it’s an interesting thing to consider. Helga might not have liked the changes Inga was making to her life, but at least she was giving her some stability and her heart was in the right place. Had she stayed, Helga probably would’ve warmed up to her and been made a more complete person.
Despite Helga’s insistence that Inga is too perfect, Phoebe says she probably makes mistakes like everyone else.
Helga replies “not enough of them…”
So she embarks on a mission to fabricate mistakes for Inga- but she’s overdone every time. Like she cranks up the oven too hot to ruin a casserole and Inga unveils backup portions in the fridge.
After the third attempt, Inga remarks with the most subtle sarcasm how there seems to be a little raincloud following her everywhere.
Then Helga remembers that her dad has a huge beeper sale coming up and he never runs them unless he’s wearing his lucky white belt with the diamond buckle…
You can see where this is going…
Inga professes her innocence and asks Helga for help, only for her to produce crocodile tears on cue.
The aftermath isn’t quite what she expects, though.
She tells her friends the whole truth of what happened and gets zero sympathy. Her dad mourns the fact that things around the house aren’t running as smoothly without her and it’s too bad she ended up being a common thief.
Then she has a dream where Inga is starving in the park cuz nobody will hire her and fights off pigeons for bread crumbs.
Back in reality, she cross her path again and confesses what she did. Inga says she knew and has an unsettling warning for her.
“There’s no excuse for what you did and you must face the consequences.”
“What consequences? I got away with it, didn’t I?”
“You’re such an angry girl, Helga and you won’t let anyone help you. So you must live with your unhappiness.”
Curiously, she leaves behind a piece of needlepoint she was working on. She’d been teaching Helga a little bit and based on the final scene, it might be a hobby she’ll continue in the future. Inga did say it was a good way to calm her nerves…
But it’s an interesting thing to consider. Helga might not have liked the changes Inga was making to her life, but at least she was giving her some stability and her heart was in the right place. Had she stayed, Helga probably would’ve warmed up to her and been made a more complete person.
***
At least twice, Helga was involved in some sort of competition that her dad coached her for. And both times she threw the match to help someone else win.
Along with world records, spelling bees were a big deal in 90's shows.
Two other notable instances were Full House (where Stephanie struggled hard with words that have silent letters and lost twice to “The Human Dictionary”) and Arthur. The Arthur episode is one of the most memorable ones in that series for me for a few reasons. His catchy song for remembering the word “aadvark” as well as Francine and Brain’s reactions to their eliminations. (“What kind of stupid word is that anyway? Pleasant…”/“Are you sure? What dictionary are you using?”)
But especially for Mr. Ratburn’s motivational speech… after he was hyped so much as this scary, tough teacher, I thought it was really cool seeing those moments where that reputation was proved wrong. At least the scary part…
Back to this show, the spellers representing PS118 in the citywide Spelling Bee are Arnold and Helga.
Her entire life, her dad told her the story about how Olga won with the word. “Q-U-A-L-M… the L was silent but she nailed it. She nailed it…”
Meanwhile Arnold is having his own struggles studying. But it’s a scene I still remember to this day… we still quote it.
After a motivational speech, he asks Grandpa to pick a word to kickstart his studies.
“Onomatopoeia…”
:sigh: (slams head on desk)
“Like I said, Arnold, we’ll love you no matter what.”
And thanks to that scene and later at the actual bee, we know how to spell onomatopoeia now.
Another memorable scene is where the favorite kid to win is caught cheating and is hauled off the stage by a big hulking bodyguard while he claims he was framed.
Reminds me of another spelling bee in a kids show where cheating happened, but it was accidental. In the Proud Family, Penny was watching her dad in the audience and admitted after winning she’d read his lips and didn’t deserve to win.
It’s funny cuz he says “there’s no way you can read my lips” and subtitles appear under him and he scrunches them all together to dispose of them. Great 4th wall joke, haha
After Helga has a close call, her dad goes backstage and attempts to bribe Arnold to throw the match. A bribe he ultimately passes on. Helga finds out, discouraged that her dad didn’t think she could win on her own.
Then her next word is "qualm"… and she decides to get back at him by throwing the match.
Yeah, not exactly great parenting…
At least twice, Helga was involved in some sort of competition that her dad coached her for. And both times she threw the match to help someone else win.
Along with world records, spelling bees were a big deal in 90's shows.
Two other notable instances were Full House (where Stephanie struggled hard with words that have silent letters and lost twice to “The Human Dictionary”) and Arthur. The Arthur episode is one of the most memorable ones in that series for me for a few reasons. His catchy song for remembering the word “aadvark” as well as Francine and Brain’s reactions to their eliminations. (“What kind of stupid word is that anyway? Pleasant…”/“Are you sure? What dictionary are you using?”)
But especially for Mr. Ratburn’s motivational speech… after he was hyped so much as this scary, tough teacher, I thought it was really cool seeing those moments where that reputation was proved wrong. At least the scary part…
Back to this show, the spellers representing PS118 in the citywide Spelling Bee are Arnold and Helga.
Her entire life, her dad told her the story about how Olga won with the word. “Q-U-A-L-M… the L was silent but she nailed it. She nailed it…”
Meanwhile Arnold is having his own struggles studying. But it’s a scene I still remember to this day… we still quote it.
After a motivational speech, he asks Grandpa to pick a word to kickstart his studies.
“Onomatopoeia…”
:sigh: (slams head on desk)
“Like I said, Arnold, we’ll love you no matter what.”
And thanks to that scene and later at the actual bee, we know how to spell onomatopoeia now.
Another memorable scene is where the favorite kid to win is caught cheating and is hauled off the stage by a big hulking bodyguard while he claims he was framed.
Reminds me of another spelling bee in a kids show where cheating happened, but it was accidental. In the Proud Family, Penny was watching her dad in the audience and admitted after winning she’d read his lips and didn’t deserve to win.
It’s funny cuz he says “there’s no way you can read my lips” and subtitles appear under him and he scrunches them all together to dispose of them. Great 4th wall joke, haha
After Helga has a close call, her dad goes backstage and attempts to bribe Arnold to throw the match. A bribe he ultimately passes on. Helga finds out, discouraged that her dad didn’t think she could win on her own.
Then her next word is "qualm"… and she decides to get back at him by throwing the match.
Yeah, not exactly great parenting…
He also made a bet with his customers that if Helga doesn’t win, he’ll give away free beepers. And they were waiting outside the venue to collect. He had her wear Olga’s medal for good luck and seeing the angry mob outside, she gives it to him, repeating his words back tohim.
There’s another competition he coaches her for… and it’s shockingly the only trophy Olga never won.
Unfortunately Helga’s up against her friend Phoebe. Telling her the situation, she begs her to take a dive so she can finally get the respect she deserves.
But the guilt becomes so much that she tells her to stop helping her and Phoebe comes out the big winner at the end.
There are also situations where Big Bob is on a mission, but stops short because it puts her life in danger.
He wanted to knock down Mighty Pete to make way for a new beeper emporium and stops short of knocking it down after she joins Arnold and the others who are occupying the tree house in its branches.
(One hilarious thing that comes out of this scene is Arnold’s grandma coming to the rescue and he says he can’t knock the tree down cuz “the crazy lady in the Tarzan suit stole my bulldozer”… no joke, that actually happened)
Quantity Time
The one “potential breakthrough” episode featuring Helga and her dad.
The two of them mention at dinner that they’re on vacation from work and school for a week. Her mom hears this news and a subtle panic grows in her expression and her voice. So she decides to spend the week with family so the two of them can spend some quality time together… something both of them are very hesitant about.
There’s another competition he coaches her for… and it’s shockingly the only trophy Olga never won.
Unfortunately Helga’s up against her friend Phoebe. Telling her the situation, she begs her to take a dive so she can finally get the respect she deserves.
But the guilt becomes so much that she tells her to stop helping her and Phoebe comes out the big winner at the end.
There are also situations where Big Bob is on a mission, but stops short because it puts her life in danger.
He wanted to knock down Mighty Pete to make way for a new beeper emporium and stops short of knocking it down after she joins Arnold and the others who are occupying the tree house in its branches.
(One hilarious thing that comes out of this scene is Arnold’s grandma coming to the rescue and he says he can’t knock the tree down cuz “the crazy lady in the Tarzan suit stole my bulldozer”… no joke, that actually happened)
Quantity Time
The one “potential breakthrough” episode featuring Helga and her dad.
The two of them mention at dinner that they’re on vacation from work and school for a week. Her mom hears this news and a subtle panic grows in her expression and her voice. So she decides to spend the week with family so the two of them can spend some quality time together… something both of them are very hesitant about.
One funny thing is that he keeps calling it “quantity” time and nobody corrects him. The closest we get is Helga using quotation fingers when she disses his attempts to make it a thing. And when he mentions it to his barber, he repeats the phrase and gets laughed at.
His idea of it is taking her along while he does his errands. We learn that he has no idea Helga is allergic to strawberries and
“You can never have enough big white belts”
… yep, I never forgot that. I see a big white belt and that scene immediately comes to mind.
Then when she complains, he believes a little fresh air will calm her down and he signs her up for a pony ride with a bunch of little kids. She says “I loved it when I was 5” and he asks what age she is now and she has to remind him... it's an unfortunate running gag, just like him calling her Olga and her having to correct him.
To cap it all off, Arnold and his Grandpa happen to be strolling through the park. Grandpa recognizes her and they both wave. Noticing this, she immediately falls off her horse and into the mud.
Completely dejected, she shuts herself in her room and he overhears her complaining about it to Phoebe. And to cap it all off, Phoebe couldn’t get her tickets for Wrestlemania. This prompts him to go through the photo albums and sees how she doesn’t smile in any of them.
His attempt to make it up to her doesn’t quite work as expected, but both of them wind up having a really good time.
…he overheard her saying she can’t see the one thing she was dying to see. He comes into her room to find her clutching the flyer in her sleep.
But he read the wrong side so instead of Wrestlemania, he takes her to “Rats- the musical of singing rats”
It winds up being so over the top and ridiculous that it gives them something to laugh at together.
We're rats, we're rats
We're furry and forlorn
We live in sewers, love in sewers and our hearts are torn.
We laugh, we cry, we sing in harmony.
I love her, I love him
(low voice) and darn it, he loves me
Oh, rats, rats, rats, rats, rats...
Yep, that song stuck in my head, even all these years later.
This was highlight for sure in this legion of episodes. It’s just too bad her dad didn’t retain the mindset he was in while perusing those photos.
Then there’s her mom. Two episodes stand out that go into that shaky mother-daughter bond
The Beeper Queen
Big Bob throws out his back and Miriam steps into his shoes to run the beeper empire in his place. He cautions her against it, saying the other executives are sharks that will eat her alive.
That doesn’t happen, though. Instead, she finds success and a much needed boost of self confidence. And for a short time, she becomes a cool mom. She spends time with Helga, helps her with her homework and makes great school lunches for her.
Then she becomes a workaholic and Helga never sees her around the house anymore.
After getting some consul from Arnold, she shows up on the set of her latest beeper promo. It’s a pretty cool parody of “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” except the subject is beepers, obviously.
After getting some consul from Arnold, she shows up on the set of her latest beeper promo. It’s a pretty cool parody of “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” except the subject is beepers, obviously.
What she doesn’t realize was that a camera was rolling the whole time and she hears back what she said. She catches Helga on the way out, profusely apologizes and decides to give up the job to be a better mom.
And as Big Bob leaves to go back, she throws his words back at him “those guys are sharks.”
Again it’s another of those “what if” moments that make Helga who she is.
Sure, her mom spent a lot of time at work but things at home were improving while she was… if she could have managed to find a balance between being a mom and the breadwinner, things could have been a lot different.
Road Trip
Helga and her mom are off on a road trip to see family but a lot of things get in the way of their good time. While Helga wants no part of the license plate game and they fight for a minute over the radio, they run into trouble.
Miriam almost gets in a collison with a truck when they try to pass a horse and buggy and after Helga’s attempt to steer them right, they get stranded in the middle of farm country.
And there’s a cow right outside the car.
Helga screams and half oblivious, Miriam observes, “oh look, Helga, a cow…”
Don’t know why. I always found that exchange hilarious.
Then as Helga pushes the car to the nearest garage, Miriam can’t find her purse.
Helga groans, “mom, please don’t tell me you left your purse on the top of the car again…”
She replies with delirious optimism, “you know what, Helga? I think that’s exactly what happened…”
I know it’s kinda sad and disturbing in a way that this is a frequent occurrence but I just find the line delivery so hilarious.
So the two of them are basically stranded until they get the car fixed and they can’t do it without enough money.
Helga rebuffs her mom’s attempts to make light of their predicament, saying how it’s her job to take care of her as the parent.
Then her mom sees a flyer for a mechanical bull ridin contest and begs Helga to let her use her five dollars to enter. She does, sensing failure is inevitable so why fight fate?
In a crazy turn of events, she wins the contest and they’re able to get the car fixed. Helga is so impressed that she asks her how she learned how. Apparently when she was younger, she’d had a lot of rodeo experience. So the two of them have an avid conversation just as the credits roll…
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