Things you learn from watching... Judge Judy

I can’t pinpoint the exact time Judge Judy became part of my weekly routine but I’m sure it was sometime in 2011. And I watched it nearly every weekday between 4-5pm. And then up until the show was ultimately cancelled in 2021.
I think I knew of its existence before this, but the first clear memory I have is of the parody segment on The Amanda Show- which is now known as one of those many Nickelodeon shows where Dan Schneider (and other network producers) got away with child abuse for years. But they had a segment called “Judge Trudy.” Every case was about kids suing their parents for making them eat vegetables or grounding them- nonsense like that. Trudy would always yell at the parents, side with the plaintiff and the segment ended with dancing lobsters coming into court. Also, the bailiff was her trusty sidekick. Lobsters and favoritism aside, it was a fairly accurate representation of what the actual series was like.

Judge Judy was great for honesty but also making some people look REALLY stupid. Whether it’s an idiotic lawsuit or weak defense, nobody is safe from her wrath. And as she often reminds us, it’s her playpen and there’s only one attitude and it’s hers.

While the show is no longer running new episodes, there’s no expiration date on the things it’s taught me over the years. I’m sure I’m not the only one who learned things from it. It’s arguably one of the earliest reality shows created- but it’s as educational as it is entertaining.

Quickly, I should preface she doesn’t always get it right. I’m sure I can count on one hand, maybe two, certain decisions I disagreed with. And I’m sure she only sided with the other person because the first one couldn’t get their story straight or they were nervous. I’d be too if I was standing in front of her, even if I knew I did nothing wrong.

First off, she has certain adages she’ll use so often that you can see them coming a mile away if you watch frequently enough.

"If you tell the truth, you don’t have to have a good memory."

Plain and simple, she’ll figure out very quickly if you’re lying because she can tell when you’re making things up. Avoiding direct eye contact is a typical example. “Don’t look over there, look over here” is a quick follow up
But also don’t come too prepared… meaning, don’t have a speech prepared or a story memorized. She makes her judgement with a combination of experience, intelligence and intutition- if you're too rehearsed, she'll think you're not telling the "whole truth and nothing but the truth"... or something to that effect.

"There are no courts for 'almost marrieds'”

if you’re living together as a couple but without going through the process of making it official, she is less likely to rule in favor of anyone. People break up and turn around to sue each other for rent or property that had been mutually agreed upon prior to that. Unless the suit is over something she deems reasonable, she’d rather let people sort it out on their own and not waste her time with the details

"You ate the steak!"

If you’re suing because you dissatisfied with goods or services after using/indulging in them, she’ll give you grief. It’s like ordering a steak at a restaurant and refusing to pay after you ate it because it wasn't cooked to your liking. When the normal thing to do is bring attention to the staff beforehand so they can promptly remedy the situation.
A few times people were hired to do photos for events or made a dress for prom, the people doing the hiring didn’t like it and refused to pay. Communication is paramount. If it’s a reasonable complaint that can be remedied in a timely manner, there’s no reason it shouldn’t be addressed. But when people put in the work to do something, they should at least be compensated for that.

"Where did you think you were coming today? The beach?"

For those who don’t bring their evidence into court and try to come up with some lame excuse for it. Once or twice she'll have a case recalled so the evidence can be faxed or emailed in... and one time, I saw a recalled case brought back, the evidence was still insufficent and she threw the case out.
She doesn’t read written statements. She needs the witnesses in court or it’s just another case of “if the evidence isn’t here in court, it doesn’t exist”. And you can’t say what another person not in court said because it’s hearsay, inadmissible in her court.

"You don’t come into my court unless you have clean hands"

If you expect Judge Judy to help you, you need to come to court with “clean hands”. Meaning you don’t have some sort of legal transgression that doesn’t harm your character in her eyes. 

"…so far, you’re not losing"

if you’re the plaintiff with a solid case, do NOT interrupt or interject when she’s talking to the defendant. She’ll tell you to shut up and follow up with a variation of that statement. I’m sure there’s dozens of cases where plaintiffs lost because they couldn’t follow these simple directions.
Sometimes the guilty party is the witness. It doesn’t always get cases thrown out or force a decision. But the bailiff will escort you out if you talk out of turn enough times

That's all the sayings I can think of at the moment, but a few extra comments before going onto the next part.

Be clear and concise with your case. You’re meant to answer the questions being asked of you. If she wants extra details, she’ll ask. The way I’d put it- don’t talk like a politician where you dance around the question.
She hates filler words such as “like” and “basically”. People tend to use them when they’re nervous or they’re trying to gloss over things. Sort of like the “yada yada” thing from Seinfeld

Next, a few subheadings for the typical cases she oversees.

Rent, loans and contracts

If a contract is entered as evidence, make sure it’s signed by both parties or it’s invalid.
Contracts are make or break. If it’s an important detail, it should be in there. If it’s not and it’s the thing you’re suing over, you have no case. If there’s something in the contract you’re being sued for because you didn't hold up your end, you have to honor it.
The most common defense you’ll EVER hear from someone who owns money for a loan- “it was a gift”— 9 times out of 10, they're suing you because it isn’t a gift and they want their money back.
It should be common sense but you’d be surprised… if a friend or family member repeatedly asks you to lend money and they have yet to pay you back, stop lending the money. Also- you’re better off not loaning money to loved ones because it tends to ruin relationships
The only reason you’ll be denied the return of your security deposit is if the other side provides ample evidence you left the property in deplorable condition. Otherwise it’s not a hard ask typically.

I don’t always agree with this comes up, but in some cases where tenants are dealing with difficult landlords or neighbors with difficult neighbors, she’ll say “move!” 

It’s frustrating to me because, first off, dropping everything and moving isn’t something you can do at the drop of a hat. And second, while I can acknowledge that some people will never change no matter how hard you wish it, it annoys me that the only solution to deal with people like that is to walk away. This applies to a lot of things- not just this show- but ugh... I hate that nice people are forced to pick up the slack or raise above and the jerks are never forced to learn to be better.

Child Support

Judge Judy’s original stomping grounds was family court so she has a lot of expertise and strong opinions in this area
One thing I found interesting when I came across it the first time but it makes sense… just because you’re the mom, doesn’t mean she’ll automatically take your side. She’ll look at both sides and make a fair judgement.
Certain aspects of these situations can only be resolved in family court. Or in any case where someone says “I feel…” she’ll hit back with “I don’t care what you feel… go on Dr. Phil.” She doesn’t care what you think, feel or believe because her opinion is the only one that matters
But even if she can’t rule on a judgement meant for family court, she’s not shy about giving an opinion if she believes you’re not taking proper responsibility.

This is a controversial opinion but one I happen to agree with: if you’re in financial trouble and you have several children in your care (particularly if they’re young and all within a few years of each other), she’ll point blank say for you to stop making more children than you’re equipped to take care of.

Receiving benefits under illicit circumstances

This isn’t always a popular thing but in recent years (or pretty much the entire time I watched the series), she’ll sometimes go on a rant when it comes to collecting unemployment or disability when you do or say things to suggest you are an able-bodied individual. And she’ll say, “I’m paying for it, Sgt. Byrd is paying for it.” It’s controversial because not all disabilities are visible and it’s hard to convey all that in a short amount of time. But also people don’t like when she goes on political rants. I hate political rants too but when she does them, they’re things I agree with and make sense to me. Although when it comes to endorsing political candidates, I haven't agreed with her choices... but I disgress.

A lot of the time, people on this show will get disability or social security or student loans and the money netted from these things are not used for their intended purpose. Like putting school money towards non-school related things that are often frivolous or self-serving. This also comes up in the loaning friends money thing and we learn the money leant out was used for something other than what it was supposed to go towards. Either way, she does not like that
This typically comes up when you owe someone money for rent or a loan but if you’re over a certain age (22+) and you’re too busy going to school that you don’t have time for a job to pay them back, she doesn’t like that either. It’s not always cut and dry but if you come off as if you’re making an excuse to not pay someone back, it’s not a good thing

Animals

She’s a dog person so whenever one is brought into court for a case and it’s super cute, she’ll comment about it. And she’ll concede that people treat pets like their children... 
There was one case involving custody where one of the two people were holding the dog on one side of the room, Judge Judy asked them to let the dog choose. The other person not holding the dog warned them not to do it. After the dog was put on the floor and immediately ran over to the person on the other side of the room- you knew they lost the case and they knew exactly what was going to happen.
There’s a few cases where puppies are involved. Both people put their dogs together and the one either gets a stud fee or pick of litter. Something happens and the contact is not honored, which is why they’re in the court room to begin with. And if she gets wind of the puppies from mistreated- not given their shots, being sold too early or a sick one being given in the exchange and it died… yeah, she’ll let you have it.

Anything to do with pit bulls... forget about it. Her position will always be that you shouldn’t own one or expect any sympathy if you’re being sued because your dog attacked something or someone. If it was a dog on dog attack, she'll sometimes ask "what if it wasn't another dog, but a child?" to better demonstrate the seriousness of the situation. 

It makes me wonder if she’d ever had this conversation with Tia Torres, who’s the pit bull advocate from the animal planet show “pitbulls and parolees”…

Some cases have involved the exchange of animals and the original owner wanting them back because they don’t think the new owner is taking proper care of them. It’s not to the point where the SPCA gets involved, but she’ll say the animal’s new living situation isn’t your business anymore.
Some lawsuits revolve around the return of a dog after it’d been in the other person’s care for a long period of time. She’ll almost never rule in your favor. If it was that important to you, you would've filed the lawsuit much sooner. And the animal is clearly doing well in its current environment and it wouldn’t be fair to remove it from that.

Car accidents

Do NOT let your car insurance lapse… also, don’t drive without insurance period. She tolerates neither. A lot of defendants who don’t have insurance at the time of an accident often say “I didn’t realize my insurance had lapsed”… yeah, totally don’t believe that


Personal highlights

Two cases that caught my attention at the time and I still remember well. 

One I think was about someone owing money back for a loan or rent and the defendant was clearly an addict and not in the best shape. Judge Judy emphasized with him and wished him well for hopefully getting help. I saw this case a few months after seeing Less than Zero or at least recent enough where the movie was very fresh in my mind.
(Follow up- this was featured on a WatchMojo list of top 20 quickest cases on the show- the comments said he took his own life a short time after the show aired… Reddit confirmed this, sadly. Sometimes you try your best to help and it’s just not enough… and according to the date of a blog post I wrote about it, the episode aired January 2012, and I saw Less than Zero the previous February)

There was also an interesting case where there was a teenage boy and girlfriend and he was being sued by her father for damage to a tv stand or entertainment center. This case ran the full half hour (opposed to being 2-3 smaller cases). I think both of them were deemed responsible for repaying the damages in the end. I just remember his name was Anthony and Judge Judy kept calling him by his first name. As the case went, she went from being dismissive of him to being mildly fascinated. He was so charismatic he won her over and going into the final commercial break, she said something like “I was maybe a little hard on Anthony”. So I always kinda wonder what became of him- if this experience inspired him to go to college and make something of him. Even more funny if he wound up becoming a lawyer or some other legal profession.

Between this show, other TV series that involve court rooms and of course Legally Blonde, I've picked up a number of legal terminology over the years. And yeah, anytime I find an occasion to use it correctly feels pretty cool