What if Jim was named “Scranton’s sexiest salesman”? [a parody inspired by “The Office”]

Earlier today, John Krasinki was named this year’s sexiest man alive by People magazine.
While he’s since found success with the franchise “A Quiet Place” (acting as well as directing) and Amazon’s Jack Ryan series, most people including myself will always associate him with the US version of The Office.
I’m sure I’m not going to be the only person thinking this but I’ll say it anyway- it’s too bad The Office ended before it got a chance to use this announcement to inspire a storyline. While I don’t know the series quite as well enough to write a full screenplay, I thought it’d be fun to explore how this cast of characters would react to the news.

Just as quick side-note, this is probably the first honoree I'd been genuinely excited about in a long time. First because it was unexpected but also I have a soft spot for him for a unique reason.

Ages ago, I had a dream where he saved me from some bad people and I bought into his Jack Ryan series because of that. I hadn't dreamt about him before or since but it sticks in my memory to this day... however little I still remember of it. Of course that was the one dream where a random celebrity had a cameo and I didn't bother writing it down, lol

So, suppose Jim Halpert won some sort of prestigious award with “sexiest” in the title— I personally like the idea of “Scranton’s sexiest salesman” because that was his job at the office and alliteration is always fun— how would his coworkers at Dunder Mifflin react to the news?

Obviously this would be at a point in the series before Steve Carell left… and Jim and Pam are together (finally!) but not yet married.

Jim would take it in stride and remain unassuming and humble but crack the occasional smile.

Pam would be happy for him, of course, but might progressively get concerned about the attention he’s getting from it.

The episode either ends with her either doing something special for him and he says “that’s really sweet but you don’t have to do this”
Or he does something special for her because “as long as we get to be together, nothing else matters.” Either way, it’s sure to be sappy and perfectly on brand for the two of them.

Michael Scott would predictably make this into a much bigger deal than it needs to be. He’ll make a reference to it at every opportunity and might even commission the party committee (Pam, Angela and Phyllis) to make banners and put together a party to celebrate. Whatever he winds up doing, it’s clear that he cares about it more than anyone else because he tends to take credit for the accomplishments of his employees.

Dwight- first, his initial reaction has to be “dammit, Jim!” (I swear that phrase in his voice lives rent free in my mind, haha)
But he’ll make a series of snide comments to his coworkers (Angela will hear the most of it) dismissing the honor. Questioning if it even exists or how inept would the panel have to be to choose Jim to win it.
But ultimately he’s just jealous he hadn’t won because it’s just another thing Jim has that he doesn’t.

Angela would get sick of hearing about it really quickly. If Michael insists on a party, she’ll refuse to help plan it. Make a comment about being a good salesman has nothing to do with how good looking they are. But in confession she’ll say that Dwight would be her choice to win because him doing his job as well as he does is what she’d consider sexy (“but don’t tell him I said that”)- I’m not sure if they were together or not in this point in the series. Considering Dwight is jealous of Jim’s success, they probably aren’t.

Oscar would be equally as cynical as Angela about it but for a different reason. He didn’t come out until after Jim and Pam got engaged so he wouldn’t speak to this point, but if he did, he’d comment how these type of awards always go to straight good looking white guys.

Kevin’s comments would all be slightly inappropriate.
Between him, Kelly and Meredith (the two girls would be congratulatory and complementary in their own ways, Meredith being over the top as usual), the chatter leads to Pam getting uncomfortable and second guessing things.

Toby would be happy for Jim but in confession he’d be dismissive because he’s jealous that Pam is with Jim. (I remember at least one instance where he mentioned having a crush on Pam but I’m not sure if he ever acted on those feelings)

Phyllis would be pleasantly happy for Jim and Pam and just say her husband is still the sexiest man in her life.
Stanley would roll his eyes. Michael would try to get him to care about it and he isn’t having any of it.
Creed would make one fleeting outlandish comment and never make another appearance in the episode. A lot of the time, that’s his one contribution.

Ryan, I have no idea so I wouldn’t include him at all.
I’ve never seen the series in chronological order so I never know what is going on with his character. He starts out as an intern and Michael positions himself as a father figure that treats him extra special. At one point he even becomes manager of the company but he also does a couple of business ventures that go south and ruin his reputation. I don’t know whether I should like him or hate him.
The only thing I’m clear about is that he and Kelly deserve each other because they’re constantly on and off in their relationship.

Andy, I can definitely see looking into this award and planning his campaign for next year.
He’s another character I never quite figured out. I know he was introduced when the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin absorbed the Stamford branch (where Jim left to work for a short time) and he was in a love triangle with Angela and Dwight before developing feelings for Erin. He was in another love triangle with her and Gabe and she ultimately chose Andy. But then he became office manager after Michael left and lost all credibility when he left his job (and Erin) to go on a voyager with his boat.
Again, if I’d seen the series chronologically I’d have a better idea of how I feel about him.
I’ve read comments online from people saying Andy was very likable but after a while he changed and nobody liked him anymore. But for me, I don’t think I ever has a time watching the series when Andy didn’t annoy the hell out of me. He and Erin are meant to be, just like all the great couples in the series. Jim and Pam, Dwight and Angela, Kelly and Ryan… but beyond that, I never found him likable. He’s either being uber competitive with someone I like better or he breaks into song for no apparent reason. I want to scream “omg, just talk like a normal person!” Michael already does the impression thing enough for everyone in the office. It’s not always to my personal enjoyment but when Andy does it, it never is.

Last but not least, Erin is probably the only other person other than Pam who’s genuinely happy about the news and has no hidden agenda or side comments about it.

Of course I'm among the many people who are kinda bummed that the actors who played Jim and Pam didn't get togethr in real life because they made such a cute couple.

But John and Emily Blunt are a great pair as well. She's lucky to have such a great guy in her life. Then again, she probably didn't need a silly title like "Sexiest Man Alive" to tell her that. 

Gordon Ramsay's TV empire: Kitchen Nightmares; Hotel Hell and 24 Hours to Hell & Back

 

These can all be under the same umbrella- the tried and tired formula that was pioneered by Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and other shows like it at the time. Although technically Kitchen nightmares existed in the UK before it came to America… Food Network also did their own version of a restaurant renovation show with Restaurant Impossible hosted by Robert Irvine. (I don’t care for him so I never watched it).

The other two shows never got a second season so I assume they were so poorly received nobody cared. “24 hours” is the Kitchen Nightmares formula with a deadline and “Hotel Hell” was about rundown hotels and bed and breakfasts. 
Ok, I rummaged around Wikipedia really quick. “24 Hours” had 3 seasons from 2018 to 2020. And “Hotel Hell” was 3 seasons from 2012 to 2016. No wonder my memory was so bad, but they also didn’t leave much of an impression on me.

We all kinda knew Hotel Hell was going to be lame but we still watched it cuz we love Gordon Ramsay yelling at people. Plus one of the locations was a local one. (According to Wikipedia, River Rock Inn in Milford, PA is still open but had since been sold to new owners in 2014 and also has a new name). The idea might be ok on paper, but come on… this is man who’s an expert in cooking and running kitchens. It was funny (and disturbing) to see him complain about bedspreads and checking with a black light to find they’d never been washed. He may be kitchen and business savvy but he has no authority on running hotels. Whether his opinion is valid or not, nobody’s going to take him seriously. 
It’s been years so I don’t remember much except one key thing… one of Gordon’s regular criticisms was outdated wallpaper and furniture and he promptly had the place renovated. As soon as he and the camera crew left, the stupid owner took all of the furniture out of the dumpsters and put it back in the building. I mean, what an idiot! 

I don’t watch Kitchen Nightmares as religiously as Hell’s Kitchen or Masterchef but I’ve certainly seen enough of it. 

Unfortunately, the same sad reality that plagued several of the home makeover recipients happened here. The majority of the kitchen nightmares restaurants slid back into their old habits and wound up closing. Some closed for other financial reasons that couldn’t be fixed either way but most close because of pride. Or they saw they had a shiny new restaurant and decided to sell it for a profit. 

The formula goes like this

1. Gordon shows up at the restaurant (sometimes in disguise to see people in their natural habitat, lol) and orders some food items 
2. He meets the staff and walks through the kitchen and storage 
3. He witnesses a typical dinner service 
4. He offers up a series of changes, including a revamped menu and has the place updated or renovated 
5. One final dinner service before he takes off 
6. Epilogue 

One question I’m always asking myself whenever I watch this show… where the hell are the health inspectors? Why are these kitchens so filthy? Why are the walk-ins full of expired food? Is the agency in charge of these things lazy or severely understaffed? It just doesn’t make sense for these hundreds of restaurants to be in such deplorable condition. It’s a wonder more people haven’t died from food poisoning. 
It’s funny seeing Gordon point out all these issues but it gets old quickly. A few times they even showed the camera crew hacking and coughing because they couldn’t tolerate the sights and smells.  

Back to the beginning, though, most of these places fail the first impression for a couple reasons. One of the minor ones is the menu being way too expansive. This is a matter of opinion of course but most restaurant menus, in his opinion, should typically only be a couple of pages. It definitely shouldn’t be a War and Peace sized tome.
But the most common “mistake” is that the food is not fresh or made in house. It’s frozen and reheated. Even worse if the menu or wait staff states that it’s fresh and homemade and it’s obviously not. And worse still- it’s the specialty of a restaurant and it’s of inferior quality. If you’re boasting about your signature dish to the point it’s in the name of the restaurant, it better be worthy of that honor. 

More often than not, the biggest issue impeding the success of these restaurants is the human factor. There’s been many historically bad owners who plead ignorance, put money into the wrong places or constantly butt heads with the other staff. Or the kitchen has a head chef who’s either inadequate and needs to be replaced or they’re  in over their head and clam up without asking for help. 

Then there was the infamous Amy’s Baking Company- the one restaurant Gordon couldn’t save and walked away from. Amy and her husband Sammy were some of the worst people I’d seen on any reality show and I avoid all the really bad ones like Survivor, Big Brother and the Bachelor franchise. 

Sammy’s biggest transgression was pocketing all the tips from the waitresses so they essentially get paid peanuts for working for these horrible people. My folks worked as servers in restaurants in their teens and 20s so they’re well aware that servers get paid below minimum wage and get by primarily on tips. That’s why they’ve instilled in us to always pay 20 percent, even if the job wasn’t done as well as it could’ve been. So the idea of an owner taking away tips from waitstaff was reprehensible. 

Amy was even worse for one key reason- she REFUSED to take criticism. She was convinced she was right and everyone else was wrong, even to the point she was thoroughly convinced that bloggers and Yelpers were out to get her because they only slammed her with bad reviews. If that wasn’t enough, her “antics” on the show caused her to go viral and they did a special “nightmares revisited” edition where she complained that people go to her restaurant to ogle at her and Sammy like they were on exhibit at a zoo. 

I checked back a while back and I’m pretty sure the restaurant finally closed down within the last five years. 

This should go without saying but considering it’s happened a number of times, it should be repeated.

Don’t get into the restaurant business unless you know what you’re doing. Way too many owners have done this “wouldn’t it be cool to own a restaurant?” type of thing and they wind up in mega debt because they’re completely clueless. 

And for the same reason you should never loan money to family members, don’t go into this business with family. If you do, you better be well versed in communication or conflict resolution.  

They had a season a year ago that stepped away from the typical formula and almost felt like a different show- in a good way. A lot of the conflicts in the restaurant weren’t about contamination and bad storage. It was about conflict within families or among friends. At least one where they were both young parents working at the restaurant and Gordon suggested the wife get one night a week she gets to have dinner with their kids (not sure who’d been watching them the whole time??) and unwind. Another was a couple who were either engaged or newlyweds and the stress from the restaurant was straining their relationship so much they decided in the epilogue to walk away from the business- which is perfectly acceptable. When something is that toxic, walking away is the best option.  

Some people might see this and protest that Gordon isn’t a psychiatrist or marriage counselor. But he’d been married enough years to know these pitfalls are bound to happen, especially when you dedicate so many hours a day working in these conditions.

Next Time: The franchise where home chefs vie for the chance to become Masters... or at least publish their own cookbook

Gordon Ramsay's TV empire: Introduction, Next Level Chef and Food Stars

Gordon Ramsay’s rapid rise to fame in America might have been in the works for a while but my personal recollection from 20+ years ago states that American Idol (specifically Simon Cowell) is to thank.
I’m fairly sure that they first aired a preview for the show during American Idol, perhaps even saying “from the same people that brought you American Idol” or Simon Cowell… Simon has mellowed out considerably over the years but for his first several seasons of the series, he was the mean British guy who had no qualms about telling people they could not sing, didn’t move or dress well for the stage, etc. And he’d come up with the most elaborate quips and burns to do so. “It sounded like a cat jumping off the Empire State Building” is one I’ve always remembered.

Anyway, Americans were so taken by this hyper critical Brit, having a Michelin star chef with an accent yelling at chefs vying to work in one of his restaurants somehow felt like the next logical step. America has only gotten weirder with their ideas of reality tv since then.
He did have a bit of reputation before that across the pond. He was promising soccer/football player permanently sidelined by injury and found his true calling in the kitchen and people learned fairly quickly he had a temper that made him notorious.
Long story short- the Gordon Ramsay reality show empire was born and still going strong.

It’s crazy to think now how I was not a fan in the beginning. I hated the whole idea of these chefs constantly being disparaged and yelled at for committing the most minor infractions during a dinner service. 
At least in Simon’s case, his critiques were mean but most of the time he was right and these people that couldn’t sing shouldn’t be anywhere near a microphone. 
But with Gordon, mind you, I’d never worked in a professional kitchen, but it felt more personal. I certainly didn’t like the idea of having a boss coming down on you constantly every time you screwed up. I’m someone who thrives on compliments or at least constructive criticism… this kind of approach would just make me want to quit and choose a different career path because I’d crumble under the pressure.
So I can absolutely understand why this approach isn’t everyone’s cup of tea (no pun intended cuz he’s from the UK or anything)- the idea that the pressure cooker that is a Michelin star kitchen pushes people to greater heights than they expected. Overcoming adversity, etc. 
At some point at the end of season 1 (I don’t know if I ever watched all of it but i definitely saw the finale and disagreed with who won), something clicked and I understood the concept and I’d been a lifelong fan since.

I’d watched pretty much every one of his shows with the exception of Uncharted. Just because I’m not a fan of those Travel channel type food shows Andrew Zimmern and Anthony Bourdain made famous. Also I had to draw a line somewhere cuz it’s too much.

A few months ago, I drew another line…

Next Level Chef

This series just had its third season this year. For those unfamiliar, it’s a team competition featuring Gordon, Nyesha Arrington and Richard Blais as team captains and mentors. The prize is a year of mentorship from all three.  

The “level” part comes to play in a construct of three different kitchens connected by an elevator. The basement with inferior lighting, stoves and equipment, the mid level kitchen and the top tier fancy kitchen with all the best equipment. But the greatest advantage- there’s a platform of ingredients that makes its way through the levels and top tier gets first pick and obviously the basement gets stuck with the lesser quality ingredients. Most of the mayhem happens when it’s time to put your finished plate on the platform at the end of the round because you only have 30 seconds to do so. Some people have vaulted or thrown their plates to barely make; one or two were unfortunate and were automatically sent to the elimination road because they missed the platform completely.  

Why I’ve decided to stop watching… all three winners have come from Gordon Ramsay’s team. If I hate anything in reality tv (and sports- looking at you, Tom Brady), it’s seeing the same result over and over. Why bother watching if we know ahead of time who’s going to win? Singing competitions (which is a post onto itself) were something I used to love but gave up watching for similar reasons. 

In the case of Next Level, I just couldn’t help but think- why have these two other chefs (successful in their own right, by the way) here at all if he’s just going to crown himself the winner of his own show every time? It just didn’t seem fair. This is also the reason I quickly tired of Beat Bobby Flay or Alex vs America on Food Network. The whole point of these shows is for “mortal” chefs to take out these culinary superstars and they almost never do. Almost no suspense at all makes for very dull television. 

One quirky thing that happened one episode had nothing to do with the show itself but our local channel. For the first 15 minutes or so, all we heard was the score in the background. As if the sound board switch for the microphones were all switched off. I had a funny exchange with someone on Twitter over this once I learned I wasn’t crazy for imagining it.  We had to put on subtitles to see what the heck was going on before it was ultimately fixed.

Food Stars 

This new series only had two seasons so far. I was having similar apprehensions this year because Lisa Vanderpump was joining as a team leader and I honestly expected the same result. Thankfully this year’s winner did not come from team Gordon but whether I’ll stick around for another year is still up in the air.
The idea behind it is shining a spotlight on food entrepreneurs and the winner gets a mentorship for selling/distributing their product or service.

My only real complaint with the series was the winner of the first season. He’s a nice guy and a great salesman but I didn’t have any idea what his product even did until the final 3 all got their storefronts to do a dry run with the general public. The moment Gordon chose him and explained why, I couldn’t help but groan. It’s basically the futuristic idea of food being in pill form but it’s with liquids and 3D printing that could revolutionize the food and drug industries. Great if it works of course… I just hate that every celebrity has seemingly sold out to the environmentalist agenda where they preach at people to reduce their carbon footprint NOW or you do nothing and that makes you a bad person. I mean, I don’t litter and I recycle. 30 years ago, that was enough. God, I’m old…

Admittedly I was also a bit annoyed that a guy won when there were two women who deserved it just as much. Caroline had her own spaghetti sauce business and Lan gave up her 6-figure pharmaceutical job to promote her Laotian tea business. They butted heads early on and Caroline was the villain a lot of people online hated but I really did like both of them. 

In our house, we watch a lot of Food Network and really enjoyed Food Network Star where they work to find their new personality for the channel. (Also, like the singing competitions, they fell away from their initial mission statement in later years) Food Stars was sort of a return to that original concept and I enjoyed all of the various challenges. 

This is one show where I can actually go over the things I’ve learned because there’s some interesting things to take away from it. Especially for someone like me who isn’t business and sales savvy. Or particularly good when it comes to public speaking.

Two of my greatest takeaways:

1)   1) If you’re selling a specific type of food or drink, be sure to provide an alternative version.

Examples being if you’re selling coffee, provide decaf. If you’re running a bar as part of your task that day, you need to provide a non-alcoholic option. No joke- the teams who didn’t provide the alternatives for these challenges lost. They had other issues of course but when patrons leave discouraged over this, it’s a deal breaker.  

Also in the case of the bar experience challenge, the person who stepped up to be bartender only turned 21 recently and his drinks were not well received. I commend him for stepping up but he had to realize he was out of his depth.

Just for a quick side-bar:
This is true across a lot of these competition reality shows with team challenges and bares repeating. If you’re going to step up to be leader, take charge. Don’t just sit on the sidelines and let chaos happen without making an effort to fix it. It’s also a pet peeve of mine when people don’t step up to be leader and spend the whole challenge criticizing the leadership. It’s part of the adage where people who let bad things happen without stepping in are as reprehensible as the people committing the act in the first place. It’s not always black and white in real life but on reality tv, it shows poor character to criticize without offering a solution. It’s better to make the effort and fail than do nothing at all.

And 2) this is so crucial it needs to be in all caps:

READ THE ROOM 

When you’re presenting for a particular audience or working in a certain environment, know your clientele. Because you can create the worst impression and end up packing at the end of the day. 

Season 2 had a few challenges where the losing team lost on this parameter. One was a trade show where they were demonstrating new products and the losing team approached their audience like they were running a tv informercial at a sports bar. Way too casual and it put off a lot of people who were there as professionals getting a demo from, what they assumed to be, other professionals.  

There was another challenge that even threw me for a loop because it showed me something I never considered. For season two, they were hosting the competition in London. The challenge was about creating a new chocolate bar and a marketing campaign to accompany it. One team was thrown a major curveball from their mentor Lisa Vanderpump. (She may be a Real Housewife with a lot of plastic surgery but she was very smart- I was pleasantly surprised). In the UK, it’s against the law to market sweets to children under the age of 13 and their ad campaign was initially geared towards kids. They tried to pivot and use the angle that it’s marketed to adults who want to reward their kids. But it wound up a failure all the same (plus the judges all agree that the candy itself was WAY too sweet).

The most killer challenge, which put both of these 2 things to the test, was also a pretty bad idea. I’d seen this across Gordon’s other shows and because it had nothing to do with the goal of this particular series, it just reeked over shameless self promotion. Hey, just because I gobble up Gordon Ramsay shows like candy corn in October, doesn’t mean I agree with EVERYTHING he does. Considering how badly this edition of “restaurant takeover” went, I’d be highly surprised he did this again on any show not called Masterchef. (That’ll get its own entry in due time).

The teams took over one of Gordon’s breakfast establishments for a couple hours. Some were servers and others worked in the kitchen.
If you thought Gordon had high standards for Hell’s Kitchen, you haven’t seen anything yet. This establishment was so ritzy with its white tablecloths that all of the table settings were precise down to the millimeter. Waiters had to carry a white handkerchief and it’s used for polishing silverware and such. One of them accidentally dropped hers on the floor- and proceeded to clean silverware with it in the view of the diners. She also got criticized by the matri’d for being way too casual with the customers. No joke- this place is so fancy even the way you take orders is scrutinized. The proper procedure is “may I take your order”, not “what can I get you” or “what would you like”… needless to say, she was sent home at the end of the challenge for her inability to read the room and adapt.

The morning went so badly that a second person was sent home. Honestly it was a long time coming but he really deserved it this time. First off, he was one of those people who never stepped up to be leader and was critical of those who did. He had 10 years of fine dining experience but he decided instead to be a server than cook… I understand wanting to do something different but I’ve seen this happen across reality tv and go terribly wrong. You should always play to your strengths. (Singing competitions have a similar thing where early favorites have gone home because they decided to experiment with genre at the wrong time). 

Because if your team loses and the head of the show finds out you could’ve stepped into this role and didn’t- you’re out. Considering what this guy was sent home for, I doubt being on kitchen duty would’ve have made a difference but his antics were shady as heck.  This particular issue revolved around special orders. As far as vegan diets go, I don’t take issue with people who follow those guidelines except when they do it to be trendy. But for many, they do it out of solidarity for a spouse or because they have to. 

Case in point- someone requested blood sausage to not be on his breakfast platter. This was ignored and the diner sent it back. The blood sausage was taken off the plate and the same plate was brought back to the diner, only to be rejected again. In the exit interview, the person said they were a long time patron, was disappointed by how this service differed from the ones prior and “I will not be coming back.” 

I can understand some people watching this and rolling their eyes because an entirely new dish had to be made because the blood sausage was touching the other food on the plate… but this was a really big deal. My overall impression was that none of the people who made the special orders requests did it to prove anything to anyone. This was a case of “the customer is always right” and ignoring this had consequences.

On top of all that, several diners were there for two hours and walked out because they never got their food. The whole challenge was a complete mismatch for this particular series and never should’ve been attempted. 

 Next Time: Gordon Ramsay does his own spin on the reality TV renovation brand

Why do so many great movies with great soundtracks wind up being downers?

I don’t know who came up with the concept of cross promoting a movie and its accompanying soundtrack- Elvis and the Beatles in all likelihood.
But as far as commercially successful albums that were comprised of songs that were popular, or would soon become popular, thanks to an equally successful movie, Saturday Night Fever is the first that comes to mind for a lot of people.
In the end it doesn’t matter who did it first or whose idea it was, it’s a genius move.
And while Kenny Loggins and The Bee Gees has some measure of success before they were made synonymous with the movies their music featured in, they still earned a considerable audience for this very reason. Heck, Phil Collins first appeared on my radar when I was a teenager because he wrote the soundtrack for Disney’s Tarzan. Years later I was inspired to check out his other music, both as a solo artist and from his days in Genesis. So much amazing music but a movie was where all that started for me.

Having said all that, I’ve noticed over the years an interesting phenomenon. A lot of these movies have really fun soundtracks but the movies themselves often fall short of that initial promise. This isn’t a question about whether these movies are good examples of filmmaking- not all of them are- but a lot of the time, I find that most of them fall into the same trap or at least the same predictable pattern.
Plain and simple- it’s all fun and games until someone dies or gets hurt or the plot completely stops for some cliched reason.
Obviously movies need conflict or there’s not much of a story but there are some movies are able to recover when this happens and we have a happy ending… or we don’t.
I can only speak for myself but 9 times out of 10, I prefer happy endings in my movies. And if it doesn’t, there’d better be a damn good reason or at least a reason I find acceptable. Otherwise I feel like I’d wasted my time.

This should be obvious but I’ll say it anyway.
AMPLE SPOILERS ahead.
You have been warned.

Also, I don't remember all of these movies perfectly so I'll make corrections to my impressions as I go through each one.

Saturday Night Fever (1975)

I’d seen this movie maybe twice in my life and it fell into that trap where someone dies and my final impression wasn’t a positive one.

With a few exceptions, nearly all the songs are from The Bee Gees.
Listen to “Stayin Alive” and John Travolta walking down the street with a paint can immediately jumps to mind.
“You should be dancing”- you see Travolta on the dance floor doing all those moves synonymous with the disco era (for younger generations, Gru does this same dance routine at the end of the original Despicable Me).

From memory, the movie’s mostly about the escapades of Travolta and his buddies as they make their local discotheque their nightly haunt. There’s a love story. There’s a dance contest where the judges were prejudiced against the Latino competitors and he was vehemently disagreed with their decision to declare him the winner instead.

Then someone dies (I think they fall out of a car during a chase scene or something) and the final scene is Travolta being comforted by his girlfriend and “how deep is your love” plays as the credits roll.
No redemption arc or anything… it just ends like this. I don’t know what they could’ve done better without it feeling disingenuous but it needed something better.

After reading the synoposis... wow, a lot of dark stuff happens in this movie. And all the female characters, however few of them there are, get the short end of the stick. And the guy who dies actually commits suicide because he knocked up his girlfriend and is under pressure to marry her because his family is Catholic and he's probably going to hell regardless of what happens next. Also, one of the guys gets beat up and he says it's a Puerto Rican gang and Tony learns later on he blamed the wrong gang.


Xanadu (1980)


Maybe not much of a movie but great music from ELO featured throughout.
At least when Kira leaves and Sonny deals with the void of her absence, that part of the movie doesn’t last long.
If I could change anything, I just wish the ending lasted longer. Kira leaves after her big finale number but then she or a doppelgänger of her shows up and the credits roll as she and Sonny get acquainted. It’s sad seeing her go and we aren’t given enough time to appreciate Sonny getting his happy ending.

Flashdance (1983)

Another of the movie soundtracks we own and I’d heard several times before seeing the actual movie.
Iconic songs include “maniac” for the iconic training montage and “what a feeling” for the epic audition at the end.

This is one of a few that doesn’t involve someone dying so that’s already a plus.
And sure the writing isn’t the greatest but the movie starts out really good and the way it comes to a grinding halt halfway through isn’t a great feeling. It’s also over the stupidest reason. Alex withdraws her application from the fancy dance school when she finds out her boyfriend is paying for it. I mean, come on! I get that her point is that she wants to do this on her own and maybe her girl friend coming up short with her figure skating freaked her out a bit but how important is this dream if you’re letting something as silly as pride get in the way?
The logic is understandable to a point- all of us are afraid of success and if you say otherwise you’re lying- but it made me want to scream “he’s handing you this audition on a silver platter- take it!”

It’s like that line from The Devil Wears Prada (paraphrasing here)- thousands of girls would kill for this opportunity and if you don’t want it, it’ll be given away to someone who actually does.

The ending is a bit abrupt. She does a killer audition and runs out of there with a big smile on her face. We don’t find out for sure whether she got in or not. The smile could just as easily said “I don’t care if they liked me or not, I’m proud of myself”. But in this case, the vagueness works. As long as Alex is happy, what more could you want?


Footloose (1984)

Ugh… I was so excited to finally see this movie just because the title song and Kevin Bacon are so iconic.
I had no idea what it was about and it was the dumbest story. Kevin Bacon shows up in this town where music and dance are completely banned for no reason. Not one I can remember anyway. At least in the remake this was explained better- they did have rock n roll at one point but after a couple teenagers got into a fatal car accident after attending a dance, the institution was banned.
In this movie I have no idea why other than the adults had sticks up their butts (just ask Star-Lord). But a town without music- I can’t imagine such an idiotic notion. I’d hightail it out of there at my first opportunity.
And from what little I remember, Kevin Bacon doesn’t change anything. Dance is still banned so they have that celebratory prom scene in secret… what’s even the point if nothing changes? Other than ensuring the kids won’t grow up to be as boring as their parents.

Looking it up- yeah, they did have the same storyline as the remake where a car accident 5 years ago prompted the church council to ban alcohol, music and dance. The council votes again on whether to appeal the dance ban and they don't have all the votes to do so. And the prom happens just outside the city limits so that's how they're able to have it. 
I was rapt up in the fact the movie wasn't as fun as I thought it was going to be that I missed out on some minor details

Top Gun (1986)

It’s all fun and volleyball games until Goose dies. Then the movie is a downer for the next 15-20 minutes while Maverick comes to grips with the loss of his best friend.
And he helps save the day when he, Iceman and their comrades are called to duty for the very type of situation they’d been training for at the academy.

Dirty Dancing (1987)

Grew up with this soundtrack as well and so many parts are super iconic.
It’s a really fun concept- Baby and her family are staying at a resort in the mountains for the summer and a troupe of dancers is part of the local entertainment. And she gets to meet and hang out with the dancers, making some new friends along the way. Then Penny’s story arc unfolds and yields some mixed results. What really makes this movie a bummer, though, is the fact Johnny tells Baby’s doctor father he’s responsible for Penny. I know neither of them want to lose their jobs and that’s why they say nothing about the person whose really responsible. But, ugh!! Patrick Swayze deserved better than he got in this movie.

On a lighter note, I also gotta ask- why is Baby’s sister so tone deaf? Did they deliberately cast an actress who couldn’t sing or did they tell her to sing badly on purpose?
Either way, listening to her is painful…

Mixed feelings aside, I still enjoy this movie very much and it’s one of the few instances where we get a proper send off where all the loose endings are tied up and the final tone is nothing sort of celebratory.

Cocktail (1988)

Another soundtrack I grew up with.
I’d only seen the movie twice so I couldn’t tell you which songs went where.
I only know is that this movie starts on a downer, gets really fun and ends on a worse downer.
It’s a bumpy start because Tom Cruise is fresh out of a major college and can’t get a job. Not a very encouraging start to a movie.
He gets into bartending when an old pro takes him under his wing. The scenes where they’re flipping bottles for a live audience is super fun and entertaining.
But then we later find out his mentor (if I remember correctly they have a parting of ways midway through the movie) has gotten into some questionable stuff and he winds up killing himself over it.
I know flipping bottles can’t sustain a movie forever but did it have to come to that?

Apparently, a lot of stuff happens. His mentor doesn't seem like the nicest guy. He keeps putting him in situations saying "I bet you can't do this" and he screws up his relationships because of it. He's in love with a girl who no longer wants anything to do with him, but of course he wins her back over time. Then his mentor- whom he'd parted ways with because one of these stupid bets made his life go sideways- lost his business, invested all of his assets (and his wife's) and loses everything. And he commits suicide over that. 


Essentially every movie/soundtrack combo Prince did…

In addition to Purple Rain, he also did “Under the Cherry Moon” (where he’s gigalo Romeo to Mary Sharon’s daddy’s little rich girl Juliet) and “graffiti bridge” (the purple rain sequel everyone asked for but wound up not wanting when it finally came out 6 years later).
But since Purple Rain was the closest he came to halfway decent film making, it’s the only one I’ll spend time on. The others fall more under the umbrella of “mediocre movies that happen to feature great Prince music and star him playing a characterization of himself.” Worth checking out if you’re interested in him in particular but film buffs can properly skip out on them without being worse off for it.

Admittedly as a fan I’m a little vague on the details, Purple Rain came about because of a stipulation Prince wanted in his contract when it came time to renew with his current management team Ruffalo, Cavallo and Fargnoli. He wanted to make a movie and for his name to be above the title.
This conversation happened, most likely, before Michael Jackson did his groundbreaking Thriller. If the rumors of the two of them having a rivalry are to be believed (most fans would probably say they were contemporaries with a mutual respect for one another), it only fueled his desire to make his project the best it could be.

Sure, it’s a very loose story with a bunch of musical numbers in between but all things considered, it turned out well.
It does get kinda dark and dramatic midway through as his many conflicts steadily come to a head.
The people on the DVD commentary of Purple Rain did joke “if it were up to Prince, a lot of people would’ve died” in the film… the climax had originally been a murder-suicide when it was changed to his father’s suicide.
But even with all that, it’s probably the best redemption arc in any film of its kind. The titular song wins over critics and skeptics alike and everyone participates in the party atmosphere the final two songs bring to the film. Could it have used a little more dialogue? Maybe but Prince was always about his music speaking for him so it works.


La La Land (2016)

The whole concept of this movie was so good. Bringing nuances from old school Hollywood musicals into modern day. Great choreography and fun dance numbers. Emma Stone and Ryan gosling have great chemistry… so much promise and everything just goes wrong because this movie didn’t have a happy ending where the two of them work out their differences and stay together. I don’t know about anyone else but I never got over this. And the fact they dangled the picture perfect ending in front of us, only to go “oh wait, it was all a dream sequence, psyche!”

I know Ryan Gosling is one of the hottest guys in Hollywood and has been for some time but it seems like every movie he’s in, he plays a character that annoys me or derails what made the movie fun in the first place. Barbie is another recent example- I like him as a person but his characters, half the time I just want to beat them up so they stop ruining my good time, lol

Remembering 9/11 through TV and movies

I was 15 when 9/11 happened. I remember being in 9th grade and everyone talking about how the World Trade Center had come down. It wasn't until I got home when I found out the WTC was the Twin Towers.... I'd heard of the towers but didn't know they had this more "official" title. 
Instead of Pokémon being on WB (now the CW channel) on every afternoon when I got home from school, they had nothing but coverage of Ground Zero. At the time, I was just frustrated because my TV routine was disrupted for the rest of the week.
Meanwhile, New York City picking up the pieces, trying to make sense of what's happened while first responders searched the rubble for survivors. America came together with renewed love for their country. American flags were everywhere. And "God Bless the U.S.A." showed up in various capacities for years to come. Kristy Lee Cook did it one night on American Idol and Simon Cowell said it was a brilliant move. (She'd been in the bottom 3 every week leading up to that and because of that performance, she survived three more weeks before her top 7 finish).

It sounds completely ridiculous and selfish, but it wasn't until I saw this day depicted in a Robert Pattinson movie that I felt any emotional impact from it. Then over the years as I saw 9/11 depicted in other movies and TV series, I grew to appreciate it a lot more.
I'd be remiss to not mention the attacks in Shanksville, PA and the Pentagon in D.C. but almost all of the instances in this post derive from the WTC tragedy. I know the film "United 93" focused specifically on the passengers who fought against the hi-jackers before their plane crashed in Shanksville, but I thought it'd be a little too close to the real thing to watch.

And to get technical, none of these movies really talk about the day itself so much as showing the impact it left behind. How it changed people's lives and various issues it created in its aftermath. Issues some people still struggle with in real life.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

I only saw this film the one time because it was an Oscar nomination so I'm basing my comments on the Wikipedia page.
In the movie, Tom Hanks is the dad who perished in the attacks. Meanwhile, his autistic son is struggling to cope with the loss. He finds a key in a vase and goes on a scavenger hunt, thinking it's just another of the scavenger hunts his dad used to play with him. In doing so, he befriends several strangers in the city and in a turnabout way, he's able to find peace and move forward. 

I don't remember much about seeing the movie. It's the sort of thing I'd only watch the one time. Mostly because he goes on this scavenger hunt and he doesn't find a hidden message at the end of it. Instead, it's about the journey more than the destination. And because he's autistic, he has a few mental breakdowns that were uncomfortable to watch. 
Reading about it, it sounded like there were a lot of mixed reviews. The term "Oscar bait" got thrown around a bunch.

Before moving onto the next one, one final tidbit:
Evgenia Medvedeva from Russia had a free skate program to the score from this movie. It's mostly a dramatic string arrangement with some city noise and audio talking about one of the towers being hit. She's skating around unaffected until the end when the phone rings, she picks it up and is frozen with shock. It was a really good routine, but it was a bizarre choice. Especially since I'm not sure how much she understood the context of the music, not being American. It was also one of those routines where some would argue that if the commentators have to explain what's happening, it's not designed very well. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oheKfyZEroA 
(I found a clip with no commentary so you can decide for yourself if you got anything out of it)

Remember Me

This was the movie that started all this for me. Because I was a huge Twi-Hard, this movie came across my radar and of course I had to see it.

Tyler Hawkins is a flawed character, a college student who's undecided about everything. He gets into a relationship with the daughter of a cop who gave him a hard time one night. Meanwhile, he and his father aren't on the best terms and his little sister, who feels invisible to their dad, is being bullied at school for being quriky and different. On the surface, the movie has nothing super extraordinary about it, but I personally enjoyed all of the characters.

Then the gut punch came and I never forgot it. 
Tyler caused a disturbance at his sister's school after she was bullied at a sleepover. He's meeting his dad at his office while they work to patch things over. But his dad takes his sister to school and he's there waiting for him... cut to the classroom and the blackboard reads "Tuesday, September 11, 2001." We see Tyler and the camera pans back until we see him in one of the towers.
Yeah... I cried out "oh, no!!" as soon as I realized what was happening. And just like that, a movie I thoroughly enjoyed was completely destroyed.
The craziest part is that I really wanted to find out what happened to the other characters. His girlfriend and his best friend in paticular. Did his sister and dad get close and she overcome getting bullied in school? To this day, I still think about that. 

In the trailer, Robert Pattinson starts by quoting Gandhi, saying "Whatever you do in life will be insignificant but it is very important that you do it." 
And yeah, it's really cool how his actions impacted so much in the end of the movie. It's just too bad he wasn't alive to see it.

Then there are two TV shows that have 9/11 as part of the character's backgrounds.

9-11: Lone Star

It's been so long that I'm going to need an Internet search to do justice to this.

Rob Lowe's character, Owen, was a firefighter in the Twin Towers. Before moving to Austin, he was part of a firehouse in New York. While responding to 9/11, he was one of the few members of his squad to make it out alive. (If I remember right, there was one episode dedicated to this day- he was in the tower, surrounded by fire and he made it out and someone else in the direct vicinity didn't). He remained supportive of his squad following 9/11 and would later move to Austin to begin a firehouse there. 
But as a result of his service, he developed lung cancer. This was something he ultimately overcome. Sadly, not all first responders in real life were that lucky. 

Jon Stewart from the Daily Show has spent years campaigning for proper medical compensation for the first responders who developed ilness for simply doing their job that day. Just one of many instances in our history where our heroes are underserved and underappreciated.

Occasionally on FOX during the show, they'll show commercials for the Tunnel to Towers Foundation, founded in tribute to Stephen Siller, one of the many firefighters who lost their lives that day, and Rob Lowe is the celebrity spokesperson promoting it.

A Million Little Things

This was the inclusion that ultimately inspired this whole post.

This series begins with family patriarch, Jon Dixon, committing suicide. And the rest of it shows how his family and their group of friends cope with his loss as well as various problems of their own. All of which they're able to overcome because they have each other.

The first season reveals around the mystery behind Jon's suicide. And while we might never get the full story, we at least have some clues.

The biggest one was the 9/11 connection. Not unlike some famous names like Seth MacFarlane (something I found out just now), John was scheduled to be on one of the planes that crashed into the Twin Towers and he missed his flight. He and his roommate were both scheduled to be on the flight, but he was late getting to the gate. So his friend died and he was left with survivor's guilt. While this twist of fortune changed his perspective on life and made him a generous individual to those around him, a combination of this guilt and his work finances resulted in his decision to take his own life. His friend's girlfriend, Barbara Morgan, had also received money from Jon's will and it wasn't until several episodes into the arc we found out who she was and her past connection to him.

...I had a lot more in mind to talk about but now that I'm here, I realize I don't have as much. it does bring up an interesting point, though. I'm sure there are several hundred, if not thousands, of people who missed out on being among the 3,000+ who died that day because of some crazy circumstance. A random encounter or an ill-fated decision that caused you to be late for where you needed to be that day. It's one of those instances where you see the butterfly effect at its most apparent. How one or multiple decisions changed your life's trajectory or that of others. 

Can't think of a better way to close this than with a 9/11 inspired movie quote. This time from "Love, Actually." 

When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love.

Again, another of those thinking points. I can't begin to imagine what those people went through- which is why I don't think I'd be able to watch a movie from that perspective. But it's a solid reminder to tell people how much you care about them- for all you know, it could be the last time.

Things you learn from watching... Judge Judy

I can’t pinpoint the exact time Judge Judy became part of my weekly routine but I’m sure it was sometime in 2011. And I watched it nearly every weekday between 4-5pm. And then up until the show was ultimately cancelled in 2021.
I think I knew of its existence before this, but the first clear memory I have is of the parody segment on The Amanda Show- which is now known as one of those many Nickelodeon shows where Dan Schneider (and other network producers) got away with child abuse for years. But they had a segment called “Judge Trudy.” Every case was about kids suing their parents for making them eat vegetables or grounding them- nonsense like that. Trudy would always yell at the parents, side with the plaintiff and the segment ended with dancing lobsters coming into court. Also, the bailiff was her trusty sidekick. Lobsters and favoritism aside, it was a fairly accurate representation of what the actual series was like.

Judge Judy was great for honesty but also making some people look REALLY stupid. Whether it’s an idiotic lawsuit or weak defense, nobody is safe from her wrath. And as she often reminds us, it’s her playpen and there’s only one attitude and it’s hers.

While the show is no longer running new episodes, there’s no expiration date on the things it’s taught me over the years. I’m sure I’m not the only one who learned things from it. It’s arguably one of the earliest reality shows created- but it’s as educational as it is entertaining.

Quickly, I should preface she doesn’t always get it right. I’m sure I can count on one hand, maybe two, certain decisions I disagreed with. And I’m sure she only sided with the other person because the first one couldn’t get their story straight or they were nervous. I’d be too if I was standing in front of her, even if I knew I did nothing wrong.

First off, she has certain adages she’ll use so often that you can see them coming a mile away if you watch frequently enough.

"If you tell the truth, you don’t have to have a good memory."

Plain and simple, she’ll figure out very quickly if you’re lying because she can tell when you’re making things up. Avoiding direct eye contact is a typical example. “Don’t look over there, look over here” is a quick follow up
But also don’t come too prepared… meaning, don’t have a speech prepared or a story memorized. She makes her judgement with a combination of experience, intelligence and intutition- if you're too rehearsed, she'll think you're not telling the "whole truth and nothing but the truth"... or something to that effect.

"There are no courts for 'almost marrieds'”

if you’re living together as a couple but without going through the process of making it official, she is less likely to rule in favor of anyone. People break up and turn around to sue each other for rent or property that had been mutually agreed upon prior to that. Unless the suit is over something she deems reasonable, she’d rather let people sort it out on their own and not waste her time with the details

"You ate the steak!"

If you’re suing because you dissatisfied with goods or services after using/indulging in them, she’ll give you grief. It’s like ordering a steak at a restaurant and refusing to pay after you ate it because it wasn't cooked to your liking. When the normal thing to do is bring attention to the staff beforehand so they can promptly remedy the situation.
A few times people were hired to do photos for events or made a dress for prom, the people doing the hiring didn’t like it and refused to pay. Communication is paramount. If it’s a reasonable complaint that can be remedied in a timely manner, there’s no reason it shouldn’t be addressed. But when people put in the work to do something, they should at least be compensated for that.

"Where did you think you were coming today? The beach?"

For those who don’t bring their evidence into court and try to come up with some lame excuse for it. Once or twice she'll have a case recalled so the evidence can be faxed or emailed in... and one time, I saw a recalled case brought back, the evidence was still insufficent and she threw the case out.
She doesn’t read written statements. She needs the witnesses in court or it’s just another case of “if the evidence isn’t here in court, it doesn’t exist”. And you can’t say what another person not in court said because it’s hearsay, inadmissible in her court.

"You don’t come into my court unless you have clean hands"

If you expect Judge Judy to help you, you need to come to court with “clean hands”. Meaning you don’t have some sort of legal transgression that doesn’t harm your character in her eyes. 

"…so far, you’re not losing"

if you’re the plaintiff with a solid case, do NOT interrupt or interject when she’s talking to the defendant. She’ll tell you to shut up and follow up with a variation of that statement. I’m sure there’s dozens of cases where plaintiffs lost because they couldn’t follow these simple directions.
Sometimes the guilty party is the witness. It doesn’t always get cases thrown out or force a decision. But the bailiff will escort you out if you talk out of turn enough times

That's all the sayings I can think of at the moment, but a few extra comments before going onto the next part.

Be clear and concise with your case. You’re meant to answer the questions being asked of you. If she wants extra details, she’ll ask. The way I’d put it- don’t talk like a politician where you dance around the question.
She hates filler words such as “like” and “basically”. People tend to use them when they’re nervous or they’re trying to gloss over things. Sort of like the “yada yada” thing from Seinfeld

Next, a few subheadings for the typical cases she oversees.

Rent, loans and contracts

If a contract is entered as evidence, make sure it’s signed by both parties or it’s invalid.
Contracts are make or break. If it’s an important detail, it should be in there. If it’s not and it’s the thing you’re suing over, you have no case. If there’s something in the contract you’re being sued for because you didn't hold up your end, you have to honor it.
The most common defense you’ll EVER hear from someone who owns money for a loan- “it was a gift”— 9 times out of 10, they're suing you because it isn’t a gift and they want their money back.
It should be common sense but you’d be surprised… if a friend or family member repeatedly asks you to lend money and they have yet to pay you back, stop lending the money. Also- you’re better off not loaning money to loved ones because it tends to ruin relationships
The only reason you’ll be denied the return of your security deposit is if the other side provides ample evidence you left the property in deplorable condition. Otherwise it’s not a hard ask typically.

I don’t always agree with this comes up, but in some cases where tenants are dealing with difficult landlords or neighbors with difficult neighbors, she’ll say “move!” 

It’s frustrating to me because, first off, dropping everything and moving isn’t something you can do at the drop of a hat. And second, while I can acknowledge that some people will never change no matter how hard you wish it, it annoys me that the only solution to deal with people like that is to walk away. This applies to a lot of things- not just this show- but ugh... I hate that nice people are forced to pick up the slack or raise above and the jerks are never forced to learn to be better.

Child Support

Judge Judy’s original stomping grounds was family court so she has a lot of expertise and strong opinions in this area
One thing I found interesting when I came across it the first time but it makes sense… just because you’re the mom, doesn’t mean she’ll automatically take your side. She’ll look at both sides and make a fair judgement.
Certain aspects of these situations can only be resolved in family court. Or in any case where someone says “I feel…” she’ll hit back with “I don’t care what you feel… go on Dr. Phil.” She doesn’t care what you think, feel or believe because her opinion is the only one that matters
But even if she can’t rule on a judgement meant for family court, she’s not shy about giving an opinion if she believes you’re not taking proper responsibility.

This is a controversial opinion but one I happen to agree with: if you’re in financial trouble and you have several children in your care (particularly if they’re young and all within a few years of each other), she’ll point blank say for you to stop making more children than you’re equipped to take care of.

Receiving benefits under illicit circumstances

This isn’t always a popular thing but in recent years (or pretty much the entire time I watched the series), she’ll sometimes go on a rant when it comes to collecting unemployment or disability when you do or say things to suggest you are an able-bodied individual. And she’ll say, “I’m paying for it, Sgt. Byrd is paying for it.” It’s controversial because not all disabilities are visible and it’s hard to convey all that in a short amount of time. But also people don’t like when she goes on political rants. I hate political rants too but when she does them, they’re things I agree with and make sense to me. Although when it comes to endorsing political candidates, I haven't agreed with her choices... but I disgress.

A lot of the time, people on this show will get disability or social security or student loans and the money netted from these things are not used for their intended purpose. Like putting school money towards non-school related things that are often frivolous or self-serving. This also comes up in the loaning friends money thing and we learn the money leant out was used for something other than what it was supposed to go towards. Either way, she does not like that
This typically comes up when you owe someone money for rent or a loan but if you’re over a certain age (22+) and you’re too busy going to school that you don’t have time for a job to pay them back, she doesn’t like that either. It’s not always cut and dry but if you come off as if you’re making an excuse to not pay someone back, it’s not a good thing

Animals

She’s a dog person so whenever one is brought into court for a case and it’s super cute, she’ll comment about it. And she’ll concede that people treat pets like their children... 
There was one case involving custody where one of the two people were holding the dog on one side of the room, Judge Judy asked them to let the dog choose. The other person not holding the dog warned them not to do it. After the dog was put on the floor and immediately ran over to the person on the other side of the room- you knew they lost the case and they knew exactly what was going to happen.
There’s a few cases where puppies are involved. Both people put their dogs together and the one either gets a stud fee or pick of litter. Something happens and the contact is not honored, which is why they’re in the court room to begin with. And if she gets wind of the puppies from mistreated- not given their shots, being sold too early or a sick one being given in the exchange and it died… yeah, she’ll let you have it.

Anything to do with pit bulls... forget about it. Her position will always be that you shouldn’t own one or expect any sympathy if you’re being sued because your dog attacked something or someone. If it was a dog on dog attack, she'll sometimes ask "what if it wasn't another dog, but a child?" to better demonstrate the seriousness of the situation. 

It makes me wonder if she’d ever had this conversation with Tia Torres, who’s the pit bull advocate from the animal planet show “pitbulls and parolees”…

Some cases have involved the exchange of animals and the original owner wanting them back because they don’t think the new owner is taking proper care of them. It’s not to the point where the SPCA gets involved, but she’ll say the animal’s new living situation isn’t your business anymore.
Some lawsuits revolve around the return of a dog after it’d been in the other person’s care for a long period of time. She’ll almost never rule in your favor. If it was that important to you, you would've filed the lawsuit much sooner. And the animal is clearly doing well in its current environment and it wouldn’t be fair to remove it from that.

Car accidents

Do NOT let your car insurance lapse… also, don’t drive without insurance period. She tolerates neither. A lot of defendants who don’t have insurance at the time of an accident often say “I didn’t realize my insurance had lapsed”… yeah, totally don’t believe that


Personal highlights

Two cases that caught my attention at the time and I still remember well. 

One I think was about someone owing money back for a loan or rent and the defendant was clearly an addict and not in the best shape. Judge Judy emphasized with him and wished him well for hopefully getting help. I saw this case a few months after seeing Less than Zero or at least recent enough where the movie was very fresh in my mind.
(Follow up- this was featured on a WatchMojo list of top 20 quickest cases on the show- the comments said he took his own life a short time after the show aired… Reddit confirmed this, sadly. Sometimes you try your best to help and it’s just not enough… and according to the date of a blog post I wrote about it, the episode aired January 2012, and I saw Less than Zero the previous February)

There was also an interesting case where there was a teenage boy and girlfriend and he was being sued by her father for damage to a tv stand or entertainment center. This case ran the full half hour (opposed to being 2-3 smaller cases). I think both of them were deemed responsible for repaying the damages in the end. I just remember his name was Anthony and Judge Judy kept calling him by his first name. As the case went, she went from being dismissive of him to being mildly fascinated. He was so charismatic he won her over and going into the final commercial break, she said something like “I was maybe a little hard on Anthony”. So I always kinda wonder what became of him- if this experience inspired him to go to college and make something of him. Even more funny if he wound up becoming a lawyer or some other legal profession.

Between this show, other TV series that involve court rooms and of course Legally Blonde, I've picked up a number of legal terminology over the years. And yeah, anytime I find an occasion to use it correctly feels pretty cool 

The best of Misty and Jessie- a Rachael Lillis tribute

 A little while back, I found out through Veronica Taylor that Rachael was suffering from an aggressive form of cancer. So bad that she was in hospice care and a GoFundMe had been set up to help pay for her medical bills.
Sadly, the news came out today that she lost her fight over the weekend. Age 46... cancer sucks, but even more when it cuts someone's life short like that. 

I've been a Pokémon fan since I was a teenager, more than 25 years... dang, I'm old. Rachael may not have played my favorite characters in the series (Misty, I still have a lot of mixed feelings about), but she's still a part of that time in my life. So I want to put together some kind of a tribute post... which will be me reliving my favorite moments of the characters she played. 
Whether they were sentimental character building moments or just hilarious and I'll still laugh about them for years to come. 

***

I've drawn Jigglypuff before but maybe not the other two...

my models <3

First, a quick shout-out to Jigglypuff. A Pokémon she did a speaking and singing voice for. 
This character was first introduced when the trio went through a city that doesn't sleep and all of the citizens are very irritable and rude as a result. They meet Jigglypuff in the forest and give it a remedy to help heal its throat.

Then they discover its one major gimmick- when Jigglypuff sings, it puts everyone within earshot to sleep. But it gets very upset when people fall asleep during a performance and scribbles on their faces with marker to get its revenge.
The funniest part is when Misty suggests having it sing to Psyduck because "it's too dumb to know if it's asleep or not"... then in the end, they discover it fell asleep with its eyes open. 
And if I remember right, Team Rocket uses it to put the city to sleep so they can commit robberies without opposition. A plan that fails because their measures to block out Jigglypuff's voice so they stay awake-- they don't work. What this scheme does accomplish is that the people in the city finally get a good night's sleep and their bad moods are completely cured.

Jigglypuff showed up a few times throughout the original series, but typically as a running gag. It randomly shows up to perform, everyone falls asleep and gets inked up. It's also responsible for the fact Ash and Misty wound up in the Orange Islands. Team Rocket hi-jacks their blimp, JIgglypuff randomly appears and sings everyone to sleep and the blimp drifts off its planned trajectory. 
Nothing wrong with the Orange Islands arc. I had a lot of fun with it. Kick-ass theme song. It was the region where Ash got Charizard to obey him and he actually won a championship there. But using Jigglypuff in that way still felt like a bit of a copout. 
I'm not sure if its character arc ever got resolved. Its quest, supposedly, was to find someone who'll listen to its song all the way through. But it's been so long I can't remember when its last appearance was. Definitely somewhere in Johto because there was that one story arc where Snubbull took away its microphone... 

***

One thing about this series that was kinda funny and cool when I first learned about it and still is…
The fact Rachael and Eric Stuart played good guys and bad guys and both performances are unique- Eric as Brock and James and Rachael as Misty and Jessie- one member of team rocket and one member of the heroic trio, who interacted with each other a lot… that’s really cool.
With the way dubbing works, I assume the actors record all the lines for one character first and then go back and do the other one.

Quick side note- Eric Stuart didn’t do James until maybe episode 10 of the series.
And actually I think Rachael was Pikachu in the dub of episode one because they didn’t have access to Ikue Otoni’s recordings yet.
...did a little digging... she did Pikachu a number of times in season one. She also did Chansey, Horsea and Misty's sister Violet- to name a few. Cool... 

The fact Rachael was an equally convincing voice for a 10-11 year old and an older teenager- that’s range.
Now I kinda wish I knew off hand if her normal speaking voice was closer to Jessie or completely different from both.
Veronica Taylor is irreplaceable as Ash. But his mom’s voice is essentially her normal voice with some added inflections for emphasis.

So for Jessie- I believe canonically she’s 17 or 18. Both Misty and Jessie are scrappy characters but for completely different reasons.

***

Just going off the first season, Jessie grew up poor so villainy is a means to net herself the kinds of things she never had. Fame and fortune, sure, but also nicer clothes and jewelry.
Of the Team Rocket trio, she’s probably the smartest. The mastermind of most of the schemes. It’s tempting to say more of them would've work if she had better sidekicks but the three of them together accrue a lot of self-sabotage. Obviously she and James both love fashion (he could recognize her fashion flair even underneath layers of veils) but the fact she’s usually the one in the man’s outfits and James is in the woman’s says a lot about their dynamic. It’s pretty hilarious. Plus the one time they shared a costume to pose as this tall guy but she was sitting on his shoulders until he crumbled under her weight.

Even though she’s technically a bad guy, Jessie cares about her Pokémon as much as any trainer. Except for maybe Wobbuffet who had this running gag of popping out of its pokéball unprovoked- although she’d occasionally remember to actually use its moves in battle.
Both she and James got their Pokémon Ekans and Koffing to evolve for them because they were bemoaning the fact they lose all the time and their Pokémon wanted to help them.
This might’ve after Rachael’s time as the character but probably the most touching moment between Jessie and a Pokémon was releasing her Dustox so it could get its happily ever after with another Dustox.

Most of Rachael’s funniest moments as this character was anytime Jessie’s face or hair got ruined by something. Sure, this is a very vain character trait but her voice going way over the top to show her sadness or rage over this— it’s great.

Two instances that come to mind:
"Tower of Terror" where Meowth accidentally scratches her face to attack a Ghastly and she gets this massive mallet out of nowhere to get back at him for it.
And this orange islands episode where Tracey gets a Scyther but at one point Jessie gets her hair hacked off by a Scyther and she’s on a revenge mission as a result.

Another great moment that says a lot about her character is the "Ghost of Maiden’s Peak" where Eric Stuart (Brock and James) gets kidnapped by a ghost. After she winds up doing most of the Team Rocket motto by herself (absolutely brilliant!), she attacks the ghost with a bazooka (yeah, lots of random weaponry coming out of nowhere- season one comedy gold) and goes on this huge feminist rant. The legend of the ghost is essentially how this maiden died on the peak while waiting for her sailor to return from a war. Jessie is not moved by this in the slightest. 

"Women like her disgust me. Always waiting around for her man as if she were his faithful pet. She can't live without him. She cries. But I say 'see you later.' There are plenty of fish in the sea."  

...if I remember this verbatim, I'd be impressed. A LOT of that series stuck with me during those years so I remember a lot of it offhand like that. 

It’s kinda cool that Jessie starts participating in artistic Pokémon events when they’re introduced in the series. A lot of cheating is involved at the beginning but over time she starts to participate legitimately and she actually has a lot of talent for it. Ego aside, and often the first round of these events it’s at center stage surrounded by her Pokémon’s moves, it’s hard not to be impressed.

***

The most notable highlight for both characters is the princess festival episode. Women are in charge (James’s comment of “how is that different from any other day?” Classic!), only men have to pay for food and services and it all culminates in a Pokémon battle tournament. And the winner gets a princess doll set.
Apparently this is an actual holiday in Japan, as is Kid’s Day. which gets a tiny mention in a later episode. But March 3rd is Doll’s Day (hinamatsuri), also called Girl’s Day- the dolls are called hinaningyo and they’re meant to protect girls from illnesses and misfortunes.

Of course in the episode's final act, Rachael has a battle against herself. Jessie almost wins thanks to her recent acquisition of a Lickitung. Ash and Brock lent Misty Pokémon to give her all-water type team more variety but she winds up winning thanks to her own Psyduck.
Normally this is a Pokémon that gives her a lot of trouble. It always shows up at random and it’s useless in battle until it gets a really bad headache. It’s always up to chance whether this happens or not but it’s always conveniently when she needs the help the most.
And Misty really did deserve to win the contest in this case. It was possibly the first time in her life she ever got to own anything that wasn't a hand-me-down from her three older sisters.

Just to finish off with Jessie before moving-- the final scene of the episode was a really sweet gesture from James and Meowth. They got dressed up as princess dolls to make up for the fact she didn't win them in the contest. The three of them will have their fights and arguments, but it's moments like these that prove how much they care about each other. 

Probably the most likable bad guys I'd seen on any series...

***

Misty may be the “tomboyish mermaid" in the games and the youngest of the Sensational Sisters of Cerulean City... but in the rare occasion she gets dressed up, she always looks great. I especially like her with her hair down, although it's a very rare occurrence. 
I'm a bit of a tomboy myself. I mean, my go-to outfit on a normal day is a T-shirt, hoodie, pants and sneakers. But the way Misty catches attention when she puts on a kimono or the one time she played a mermaid in a Cerulean gym water show, I experienced something similar when I went to prom. The two of us have at least that much in common. 

I don't want to spend too much time focusing on the negatives, so I'll say this much:
The only reason I've ever had to dislike Misty comes down to her friendship with Ash. 

As silly as it may sound, I just wish she was nicer to him.
They obviously got off on the wrong foot because he accidentally wrecked her bike after “borrowing” it. They eventually get to a point where she’s more than just that girl who’s following him and she stuck around this long for reasons other than collecting a debt. So why is it so difficult to drop that antagonistic facade? Does she think if she gets complacent and is too nice, he’ll forget to pay her back?
Also, yeah, a true friend will be honest and tell you you’re getting ahead of yourself or you’re about to make a mistake— Ash isn’t perfect but Misty didn’t have to be so harsh when she drew attention to these things.
Their rapport improved over time, of course, but in those early days, I just kept thinking “if I had a friend who pointed out my shortcomings all the time, I would stop being friends with them.”

Now for some actual highlights. Between recollecting the series now and when I rewatched it five years ago, I found some great moments. Some that escaped my notice the first couple of times and of course some others I never forgot...

The two biggest moments that stood out in my memory came from instances where she saved his life. 
The first was when she found an herbal remedy to help him and Tracey when they were paralyzed by stun spore. And as a bonus, she left some of it for James and Meowth who were doing their own foraging to help Jessie. They were so moved by the gesture that they tried talking Jessie out of battling them once everyone got well.
Then on a much grander scale, the second movie where she saved him from drowning. She’s a water specialist so she’s a strong swimmer but the fact she braved the extra rough surface… dang, that plus her comment how “Ash is never really alone because he’s got me”… that hits different now and in the best way.

Moments I’ve glossed over from early on- the rare compliment only the audience gets to hear.
The end of episode 3 where she says “I’ve never met anyone like him…” I never noticed but this is the earliest sign she does like him and potentially more than a friend.
Then in Pewter City, she offers her help with a healthy dose of sarcasm, but she’s clearly concerned when he doesn’t take her advice. Then when he walks away from the rematch because he didn’t want to win it over the sprinklers going off by accident, she admires him for doing so.

There’s a conversation they have on the St Anne that’s maybe the first time it feels like a conversation between friends. She goes over to talk to him cuz he seems distracted and he explains his second thoughts about trading away Butterfree. It may not seem like much but it speaks volumes.

When Tentacool were causing trouble at an island resort, she was the only one who didn’t write them off. She figured there was a bigger picture they were missing. And on top of that she made an emotional plea to their leader on behalf of the people to stop its rampage. Something that could’ve gone sideways for her if it hadn’t listened.

Her relationship with her sisters, which hasn’t always been easy, did lead to one major positive. Two occasions where the trio met a group of siblings and the youngest is having a hard time, she’s the one who helps bridge that gap. Coincidentally, both Mikey and Sakura both came from families of Eevee trainers and have a big legacy to uphold as a result. We never find out whether Mikey’s evolves or not, but in Sakura’s reappearance, hers does and she’s become a much stronger person thanks to Misty’s friendship.

Then as a hopeless romantic, she likes to play matchmaker when Pokémon experience obstacles in the battlefield of love. Ash’s Butterfree for one but also the two Nidoran Tony and Maria (yep, they went there!) with their own Romeo and Juliet story.
On the other hand, she develops a habit in Johto of pulling Brock away by his ear when he’s flirting with the ladies. A habit that unfortunately became a running gag for the rest of his run in the series, but it’s just not the same when someone else is doing it (Max in Hoen and Croagunk in Sinnnoh).

Somewhere in the middle of the first season, they had a  story arc featuring the protagonist from the newly released Pokémon Snap. One of these was where we met the other Team Rocket duo of Cassidy and Butch who stage a breeding center scheme to steal hundreds of rare Pokémon. And they’re so sneaky and devious that when they get found out, they feign innocence and have officer Jenny arrest. Misty and Pikachu are the only ones who get away and they wind up saving everyone by setting the record straight.

Blaine sets up a bunch of riddles before Ash can challenge his gym on Cinnabar Island. Misty’s the only one who figures out all of them.

Another notable role she carried through a major chunk of the series- taking care of Togepi. Not counting Ho-Oh from episode one (because it isn’t named yet), Togepi was the first Pokémon from generation two that was introduced. I’m not sure how many Pokémon fans liked it- I know I wasn’t a fan. It didn’t do much other than cry and Pikachu often got into hairy situations in the shorts because it had to look after it. We see a small hint of its power in the orange islands where it uses metronome.
In the end, it does have a big role to play in a subplot in the Hoen region. Misty is brought back for a three episode stint. And she has her own “bye bye Butterfree” moment when they go their separate ways at the end. Of the heroic trio, she was obviously the best choice to take care of it and the payoff at the end made it all worth it.

In the Pokémon League at the end of season one, there’s a lot of great character moments. Ash obviously overcomes a lot to get to the top 16. Some was pure luck but some skill does come into play later on. Around that point, Misty and Brock are in the audience instead of cheering on the sidelines because he wanted to win one on his own. It’s an even bigger test because it’s on the heels of Gary getting knocked out of the tournament earlier that day.
He brings out Muk as a last resort against Jeanette’s Bellsprout. A choice that surprises Misty as much as she admires the intuitiveness of it.

I know I give her a lot of grief over her attitude but in the story arc with Richie and the 5th round of the tournament, some things hit differently in retrospect… it wasn’t until five years ago when I watched through the series again that I recognized these were outbursts that came from a place of caring or simply tough love.
Team Rocket stages a kidnapping scheme that makes Ash late for the battle, which involves staging a phony phone call. Their mistake was insulting Misty when she was the one who answered. On the surface, she’s taking her frustration out on Richie over the insult she thought had come from him. However, she wouldn’t just storm onto the arena over something petty like that. It’s kinda hilarious they don’t even call security. The commentator is too busy admiring her gusto. No, her anger is worry and concern about why Ash hasn’t shown up yet.

Then there’s the aftermath of the whole affair. Ash losing because Charizard forfeited the final matchup. I was so devastated— it’s been years since I thought about how I felt in that moment and it was a terrible feeling. He did eventually get Charizard to obey him- thank god!- but that one moment is why I scoff whenever I see Charizard on some “best of all time” Pokémon list.” Just because I understand why this moment was necessary for Ash's growth as a character, doesn’t mean I have to like it.

As bad as I felt about all this, Ash obviously felt a lot worse. The fact he was still miserable about this loss the following day- I was kinda shocked, actually. He’d taken losses hard before but this time was different. 
Misty takes it upon herself to snap him out of it. I really don’t like how she did it but it did work.
I’m not sure if I would’ve come around on this if this situation hadn’t come up again in Kalos. Serena is Misty’s polar opposite in a lot of ways and that’s why I like her a lot more. But she loses her temper with him after a string of difficult losses leaves him inconsolable and he refuses to accept her help. I hate to say it but it seems like tough love is the only thing that works with him.
And technically Misty did try everything else to snap him out of it, exerting a great deal of patience in the process and nothing else worked.

Going forward, their dynamic was more playful. The orange islands posed a few interesting challenges. The orange crew (gym leaders) were two guys and two girls. And with both of the guys, some sort of flirtation was going on. Danny was older and of course good looking so Misty was smitten but I’m sure some of her actions were to make Ash jealous. While she succeeded, it was more of “hey you’re supposed to be on my side” type of jealousy.
Then with Rudy, he was the one who was smitten with Misty but it became clear to him during the match who she cared about more. In the middle of a battle when he was losing, she called out to him to get his act together. And he did exactly that. I don’t remember that quite as well so it might be worth a revisit.

Another funny orange islands storyline was the one time she had a Golduck. She had a battle with fellow water specialist Marina and beat her with what she thought was her evolved Psyduck. It turns out hers had been in its ball the entire time (still a Psyduck) and the one she saw evolve was a wild one that liked to show off to girls.
In her disappointment, she quips “it’s a Pokémon version of Brock”

I’m sure there are many other great Misty moments I forgot but I have to stop somewhere. I’m starting to think I will have to revisit a bunch of these episodes, to reminisce and remember the great talent that brought her to life.
I also suspect that Veronica and Rena Taylor will be doing their own tribute on their Trainer’s Guide podcast and if I’m right, it’ll be something to look forward to for sure.